You have to keep in mind that a teacher has thirty other special snowflakes to deal with, not just your kid. And at least one of those other kids is going to go home and announce that your kid was passing around pictures of himself in a hot tub naked. With the teacher’s knowledge and permission to do so in class. Those parents aren’t going to talk to her about this issue–they’re going to go screaming to the administration about having her fired, and there will be a formal inquiry into how she handled this situation. No matter what the picture showed or didn’t show, she’s going to have to at some point have a conversation with your kid about bringing pictures to class that were taken while he was naked if for no other reason than to get the other parents and the administration off her back. It’s really just a matter of whether she does it then and there or later after there’s been a big hoorah and you’ve been called in to discuss the appropriateness of letting your kid bring those sorts of pictures to school.
As for the “sloppy” thing, that’s not a rookie teacher mistake at all. I’m sure your son’s teacher, like every elementary school teacher pretty much ever, has told the class again and again that neatness counts and she expects them to be as neat as they can manage. Marking papers as “please be neater” makes a request of an expectation, making neatness something optional, and that is a rookie mistake. Kids will live up or down to your expectations, but they’re typically not going to do jack shit that’s optional unless it’s fun. Taking the time and effort to be neat isn’t fun.
I know that the teacher is only covering her ass and making sure that she doesn’t get in trouble with the author-a-tays but the overall direction society is moving in regards to this kind of thing makes me a little sad. When did nekkid kids become problematic? Seriously, at least 15% of the pictures of me as a kid were pictures of me naked because I refused to wear clothes much of the time. There are pictures of me as a 2 year old doing all sorts of naked things including swimming naked in an inflatable pool in the yard. Naked kids are freaking adorable and occasionally hilarious* and should not be made to feel ashamed of their bodies or afraid of other people because there are a few creeps and weirdos in the world. Pictures of naked kids being sexual in any way = wrong. Pictures of nekkid kids wearing nothing but their mom’s hat and high heels or doing other innocent things = adorable.
*I once saw a 4 year old girl streaking through a grocery store with her mom running behind her, tiny dress in one hand and tiny underpants in the other, with a look of horror on her face that her daughter had managed to disrobe and take off towards the bakery faster than she could bag up a few oranges. It was the funniest thing I had seen all day!
This is also an excellent point. But he is SIX. He is doing the best he can, he struggles with his handwriting. His older brother has Aspberger’s Syndrome, which includes sensory integration issues, and causes his handwriting to be atrocious (he is 19 and his handwriting is on the level of a 5-year-old). Maybe I am hypersensitive to the writing thing because of his brother; I remember before older brother was diagnosed, before we knew WHY he couldn’t write, he was being criticized by teachers for his failures when it was beyond his capability to do better. My six-year-old IS trying, and having the teacher snarkily remind him twice a week that he has trouble with his fine motor skills is not making him WANT to improve, it makes him want to AVOID practicing.
The teacher is a puritan nut. I would ignore that nonsense. If she does something else like it, I would bring that note in and explain that we have a nutty pattern here.
As for ‘sloppy’ on papers, if my daughter’s teacher put that on her papers, and the papers were indeed sloppy, I would tell my daughter. “Better get it right.”
The teacher is covering her ass. She giving you a heads up. I won’t go into why this is likely to happen now a days. Had the picture been a naked kid there would have been cops and child protection services involved.
Yeah, the thing with just writing “Sloppy” (especially if this is in absence of constructive verbal guidance) is that it doesn’t tell the kid something he doesn’t already know, but it also doesn’t tell him how to improve.
Framing things positively isn’t just about making the kid feel good or whatever. It tells them WHAT TO DO, not WHAT NOT TO DO. Saying “walk slowly” is more effective than saying “don’t rush.” It just is.
So, the teacher has a great opportunity to say something like, “Make sure the top of your lower-case letters touch the middle line” or “Make sure you have have a enough room on the line for the whole word before you write it.” Or even just, “Make sure all your lines go straight up and down.” That tells the kid what to do, not just that what he’s doing is inadequate.
And anyway, the hot tub thing is just stupid. I’m on the OP’s side.
Some people just shouldn’t teach. You have provided a couple of examples.
I would frankly be more concerned about a teacher who wrote SLOPPY on a first-grader’s papers, but it all poitns to someone who should go and be a clerk somewhere, not around children.
She needs a note in her Permanent File. A couple of notes.
Breathe deeply and realize this is not a battle worth fighting.
It’s easy enough for you to explain to your son why ALL photos with naked children are suspect. Make sure he understands that he didn’t do anything wrong, and it does seem silly, but those are the rules. We don’t always see eye to eye with the rules, or the way they are being interpreted, in life.
Ask him what he thinks you should do. Dollars to donuts he’s already over it.
I totally agree this teacher is over reacting. And yes the ‘sloppy’ thing is less than delicate. But in the greater scheme of things, this is pretty small potatoes, in my opinion.
Take the lead from your son, in this instance, and let it roll off your back. And it wouldn’t hurt for you to point out that, in this instance, you’re going to learn from him!
Your son is showing pictures that, he claims, show him naked in a hot tub. The teacher politely asked, via a private note, that you make sure that he not do that anymore. What’s the issue?
The only issue I can see is that the treacher may have some sort of legal responsibility to report a possible case of child porn (meaning there was an adult taking pictures of a child in cases where the child claims he is nude.) I would think her note to you is a nice suggestion that you may want to have a look at the issue.
Sure the teacher was overreacting; I don’t think there’s any question or dispute about that.
But I can’t help but shrug. You’re “chapped”? I’m not getting that at all.
Some suggestions here make me think some of you are all ready to run to the administration in outrage. I can see documenting for the purposes of, as one poster above said, making sure DHS doesn’t come a-blazin’ to remove your kids if something in the future happens again; but I just can’t get all worked up over an overly-earnest teacher who’s a little inexperienced. I’d probably bring the incident to the principal’s attention, have a good laugh about it with principal, and be done with it.
I’ve mentioned before, and I’ll mention again, as the spouse of a career teacher, there is a very strong likelihood of this scenario playing out:
Now, her particular handling of it was a bit clumsy, but I think it’s important to keep in mind that teachers are often put in extraordinarily tight spots where SOMEONE is going to be pissed off with their way of handling things.
Reassure your kid he did nothing wrong and that some people, his teacher included, are sometimes a little oversensitive about certain things. He’s old enough to understand that. Then drop it. In the whole scheme of your kid’s education, this is really nothing to get worked up about.
As for “Sloppy”, well, I admit it would irk me a bit, where you came up with a fairly constructive suggestion and she’s ignored it. However, it’s not going to do permanent damage to get the messge that his handwriting is “sloppy”. I’d handle it by not undermining the teacher, because as painful as it is to see someone criticize your kid like that, she’s right. Stress constantly in your own way that good handwriting is important for [whatever your reasons are] so that he’s getting essentially the same message from you but in a manner that you’re happy with. Whether he can “help” it or not, it’s certainly not a bad thing for him to be thinking about as he matures.
I agree with the OP that the teacher totally overreacted. Why did anyone even ask what he was wearing anyway?
I do, however, disagree that writing “sloppy” on a paper is a bad thing. If handwriting is sloppy, it’s sloppy. If she’d said something to deride or denigrate the kid, like, “A monkey could write more neatly than you,” that would definitely be a rookie mistake. She’d also be an asshole. I suppose she could write something like, “difficult to read,” but I’m guessing she’s going for brevity.
Comments to the effect of “Yeah I know you’re normal but who knows what the rest of these yahoos will do, I’m just trying to protect myself here.” are not always the most politic thing to say on the job, in writing, while addressing someone who is in a position to complain about you. IME it’s often easiest and safest to just present the rules as if you support them, if anything comes up then you can show that you were following policy, to the best of your understanding. I would never expect a teacher to say something in writing that implies she’s really just trying to cover her ass from X stupid rule/person. I’m a college TA and I’m very careful with my emails to students for this reason, and I’m dealing with mostly sane adults.
I have no idea about whether this is an inappropriate picture or not, I don’t have kids, but if you can make a case that it is borderline, from her perspective as the teacher, then I would give her the benefit of the doubt. My boyfriend (who deals with clients) has a very good way of telling people “I don’t agree with you but as a courtesy I’ll do what you want.” perhaps something like that might work (worded politely) if you want to communicate that you disagree.
The picture that you are massively over-reacting about was entirely innocent and completely within the bounds of common decency. In the future, I would very much appreciate if you would not engage in hyperbole and panic in dealing with simple issues such as this picture. It is entirely inappropriate and unprofessional for someone in your position to engage in behaviors that tend to create trauma where none exists or to create major incidents out of minor matters.
I thought about posting the photo here but I can’t figure out how to do that.
Thank you to all for your suggestions, opinions, and varied viewpoints. I didn’t know what to think, I didn’t want to overreact, and I needed to hear from people who were looking at it from the outside; I’m too close to it.
I think I will respond to her email with something like, "I don’t agree that the picture was inappropriate; the picture would have been the same whether he had been wearing a bathing suit, or clown pants, or a tutu. It never occurred to me that the picture was anything but neutral, but then, you can never predict what first-graders will ask. But I also understand that you are being careful, and sometimes it is better to err on the side of caution. "
I appreciate the comments from the those of you more familiar with classroom policies and procedures, regarding the teacher’s comments on my son’s handwriting. Again, it is very helpful to hear points of view that might not have occurred to me.
To be fair, DivineComedienne doesn’t say exactly what the teacher said, apart from calling it “naked pictures”. But from the note saying “I let him know that naked pictures are inappropriate.”, it wasn’t just “Please don’t bring in a picture like this again.”
ETA: DivineComedienne, I like your note, but personally, I would probably drop the “clown pants and tutu” part.
He was NOT showing pictures that show him naked in a hot tub. He showed a picture of a snowy hot tub, with his head and shoulders sticking out of the top. There was no naked showing, unless you count his naked head. That’s like watching an anchorman on the news wearing a suit and assuming he has no pants on.
The picture was not inappropriate, but I’m sure the kids had a huge laugh when my son said he was not wearing a bathing suit. I can see how the teacher was startled by that response, it didn’t occur to me to tell him NOT to say that, because it didn’t occur to me that anyone would ask.
And it was not just a private note to me, asking me to speak to my son; she had already had that talk with him. I don’t know if that discussion was just the two of them, or in front of the whole class.
That note is one of the most ridiculous things I have read in I don’t know how long.
I am going to ask my Mom’s opinion of this. She has been in elementary education for decades in the class room, as a Vice Principal, a District Administrator and a trainer of new teachers.
