I wasn’t a big fan of texting, but I’ve come to embrace it more over the last year or so. With my partner, it’s our main form of communication. I’m not attached to my phone, and sometimes miss random texts, but if we’re planning something, it’s the easiest way to exchange information.
Same with trying to get together with my friend with kids. Takes her much longer to wrangle two toddlers into the car than it does me to grab my coat and purse and head out, so a quick text from her saying leaving now means we can time arrival at the meeting place so neither of us waits. I suppose a phone call would accomplish the same thing, but it takes longer.
I answer the phone at work all day. I cringe when my phone rings at night and rarely call anyone, not because I don’t want to talk to them, but because it ends up being a marathon phone call. Texting means I can let someone know I’m thinking of them, and vice versa, but isn’t intrusive. Sometimes if it’s a good time for both of us, then one of us calls and we talk, but if not, there’s still a sense of being connected.
Agreed. Refusing to use it, when it is clearly the right tool for specific communications, would be at least awkward.
The problem comes when people have further expectations.
I think that says it well.
I suspect that some people here have never encountered this expectation in full flower. It skews younger, and female, which puts one edge of it in my dating range. I’ve met the dynamic twice, and while I didn’t treat it quite as deal-breaking at the time… realistically, it probably was.
If we don’t have plans in progress or imminent right now–the situations where logistical texting is eminently efficient and effective–I am not necessarily watching for your chatter, or interested in answering. That doesn’t mean anything is wrong!
I signed up there (or a similar site, I don’t recall) for a few events but nothing ever panned out. In spite of that, no, I didn’t have a problem with it, but then it’s not a dating site (is it?). It looks like people meet up and do things and then chat about it online, kind of like we do here. So I would probably enjoy that. An *actual *dating site . . probably not for me, as I’m kind of shy (hard to believe, I know).
I make specific set plans with people, but texts still help with that. If we’re meeting to see a concert, and we had said ahead of time to meet by the doors, but I get to the venue and there are a bunch of doors, and huge crowds of people, it probably would take a while for my friend to spot me, so I can just find a suitable landmark and text my friend where to find me. Or if they are running late, they can call or text me and tell me so. Before cell phones, if you were planning on meeting up and were running late, the other person would just have to deal with it and wait for you. But now if you’re running too late, it is somewhat rude to not let the person know what’s going on.
Texts are also good for plans, because you can go back and look at them. You might both agree on the phone to meet at Maggiano’s at 7:30, they might mishear or misremember and think the plan is Mascalzone at 8:00. So then you’re waiting for them at the restaurant while they are driving to a different restaurant. But if you have texted, you both can look at the texts and see what specifically you had agreed to.
It’s also a lot more efficient for sending information like addresses and phone numbers. None of my friends ever want to be told addresses over the phone, they’d much rather have them texted, since that way they don’t have to write them down, and it’s less likely anything will be messed up.
The concert example I totally get but I think our mileages might vary as far as getting restaurant plans mixed up. That has never happened to to me (not saying it couldn’t, or that it hasn’t happened to anyone else. Just that it doesn’t feel likely for me). As for running late, I’d rather be kept waiting for a few minutes once then constantly be kept waiting or have the plans changed because the other person feels “it’s no big deal; I’ll just let her know”. And again, I don’t mean to bring out the old "before we had cell phone technology . . . " but, people did manage to be on time and stick to the original plan. That being said, if you (general you) and your social group are all cool with that, I’m in no position to question it.
I actually love texting because it means I *don’t *have to be reachable at all times, and I can still get the essential info. Like, if you want to know whether I’m around for coffee this afternoon, and you ring me when I’m in the middle of Tesco trying to find my list with a toddler attached to one hand and a shopping basket on the other arm, not only am I not going to pick up, but I’m not going to ring you back till I get home and get the shopping unloaded and the toddler fed and off to playschool and I have a few uninterrupted minutes. So I won’t find out you wanted to meet till then, and the odds that both of us can still make it will go down. But if you text me ‘Want to meet for coffee this afternoon?’ I’ll check the text in a few minutes, as soon as I have a free hand, and I can text you back ‘Yeah, great, ring you in a bit.’ So we both know we’re on for coffee, and the details can wait till those uninterrupted minutes.
Phoning means that if you’re not available for a conversation at that moment, you don’t get the info. Texting means you do.
I’m in my 50s, and don’t text much. And I’m not a big social media user. But that’s how people find each other these days. If I wanted to find a partner, I would tell all my friends, but I would also sign up on some dating sites. I think you will find it hard to connect with other singles if you don’t use any social media.
And while I don’t like “chatting” over text (I have some friends who try to do that with me, and I usually either say I am busy or call them) but texts are great for
Let’s meet for supper after work.
I’m here, standing by the red door. Where are you?
Can you grab something at the supermarket on the way home?
I will echo the sentiment that if you don’t like talking on the phone, you may very well find texting to be a great thing.
As for your original question, I think the thread as a whole suggests that you’re not going to lock yourself out of the dating market by not texting, but you may limit your options somewhat.
I’m a 46 y/o female, and single. I also prefer texting to talking on the phone. I use FB.
Not using FB or social media would only be a dealbreaker if someone felt the need to call FB and social media “stupid”. You get out of it what you put in. If you’re about selfies and gossip, that’s what you get. If you talk with friends, that’s what you get. I talk politics and social issues with a group of people, and connect with various fan groups (bands, TV/movies, etc) from all over the world. I think it’s cool.
I dont’ plaster my relationship status all over FB, though. That’s kind of juvenile for my taste. Sure, change it if you get married or divorced, but FFS, not with every boyfriend du jour.
I guess I don’t really see the difference in texting vs calling in this case. Phone rings, you have no free hand with which to answer it so the person leaves a voice mail. Doesn’t it take the same amount of effort/ time to listen to the message and call back as it does to read the message and text back, wait for their response, rinse and repeat?In that case we’re just speaking to your preferred mode of communication, which is all good of course, but I’m not sure I see the advantage, time wise. Which is neither here nor there, as your example is a perfectly reasonable situation and not what I mean when I say I don’t want people to expect to be able to reach me all the time. The person in this scenario didn’t get you live but had to leave a message to which you responded at a time that was more convenient for you.
I wonder if I have some misconception of what the protocol is for all this due to seeing the “bad examples” too often. Like the person who has to jump on the phone the moment they get in their car. It gives the impression that they are always on the phone, ready to respond at any time no matter where they are or what they’re doing. I don’t want to be that person. But some of you are helping me to see I don’t *have *to be, so that’s something.
What exactly is ‘a timely manner’ to you? For me, ‘timely’ is the same day if we’re planning to see each other that day, and within a day or two if we’re more distant. If you can’t manage that, then you’re probably not interested enough in the relationship for it to work for me, and I think you’re going to turn off a lot of people, especially if you’re looking for a deep LTR and not something casual. OTOH, if you think of timely as ‘OMG you didn’t text me back within ten minutes, ARE YOU DEAD? DO YOU HATE ME?’ then yeah, I don’t do that either, and I think most people either are that way or get real sick of it real fast.
But it’s not changing plans, it’s just knowing what’s going on. I’m in a big city with bad traffic, so if someone is running late, it’s nice to be told if they will be 5 minutes late, or if there’s some bad accident and gridlock and it’ll be more like 30 minutes.
And maybe you are someone who is always on time to places, and always wants other people to be on time to places, and so texting if you or your friend are running late isn’t an issue. And that’s fine, but that’s a whole different issue and thread than texting or not texting. You can probably find people who are the same way, but they will be harder to find.
People did fine before there were cell phones, but now that there are cell phones, a lot of people are going to use them and rely on them a lot for making plans, and it will make things harder for you for socializing with some people if you use them as little as possible.
I saw this right after I posted; voice mail is a lot different from text messages. It’s a whole lot quicker to see a text message than to go through the menu and listen to a voice mail message. A lot of people don’t leave voice mail messages anymore, and some people don’t listen to voice mail messages.
No. If I get a text, then I spend maybe five seconds looking at the message on my phone when I get free (and don’t even need both hands), and another few seconds firing off a response. I don’t have to remember any specifics from the text because I can just glance at it if I forget a time or exact location, and texts don’t come in with unreadable words. I also don’t need a constant good connection to read or send a text, the phone will pick them up when it gets a connection, which is significant since I work in the basement of a building and don’t get good reception.
If I get a voicemail, then I have to get to a place with good reception, make a call to the voicemail number, wait for the prompt, put in a password, wait for the prompt, listen to the message that often has useless ‘polite’ information all around it, pay close attention because I have to memorize any locations, times and numbers on the one listen (or spend longer listening to it again), hope that there was no bad connection or wind on any of the important bits, and write down anything I want to be sure to remember. It’s much more of a pain in the ass, takes a significant amount of time and energy, and is vastly more error prone.
Actually, no. Text message is more efficient than retrieving a voicemail. Most people read faster than they speak. Especially since you can get away with more pithier messages. I can text “Meet up at noon instead of 11:30? Running late” and expect to be understood. But it wouldn’t occur to me to leave a VM like that because of the temptation to lead with an intro and background (Hey girl, this is ywtf. I forgot that I need to stop by the bank before it closes. Can we meet up at noon instead of 11:30. Sorry! Let me know. Talk to you later.")
Some kinds of information are easier to assimilate by reading than listening as well. Personally, if you’re verbally relaying a bunch of numbers to me in the form of times, dates, or addresses, none of it is going to stick unless I write it down. Like, let’s say me and a friend are trying to catch a movie and there are multiple showings at different times. The convo will be more difficult for me if we’re talking about it; texting will be so much easier because I can see the options better.
The advantages of texting are easier to appreciate when you have a lot of experience doing it, in different situations.
And by timely manner, I mean “right away” as in, they’re actively waiting on my response. Isn’t that the point; to get a quick, immediate answer? Thanks to you all I’m starting to see that it ain’t necessarily so, but before this thread, observing other people led me to believe that was the case.
Naw. listening to voice mail is a pain in the ass. glancing at a text is easy. It’s actually a huge difference. I hate getting voice mail. I often just call back instead of listening to it.
lag. I see I’ve just repeated what others said. Oh well.
Yeah, texts are best if you don’t need an immediate reply. Although, “I am here, standing near the red door. where are you?” does sort of want a quick-ish reply.