Great username/post
Interesting theorem.
Here I sit
On the pooper
Giving birth to
A state trooper.
-Traditional
If not there, where? I vote with this crowd.
Okay thanks for that. It sort of reminds me of a thread from a few years back where somebody said you should put your foot in the toilet and piss down your leg rather than let the urine hitting the water make too much noise.
ETA: Here is that thread - Embarrassing urinary noise.
I know that you have no sense of smell, so it’s possible you don’t know just how bad poo can smell.
I live alone and I have that toilet spray in my own bathroom for myself. That’s how bad the smell can be sometimes.
Funny thing is that bathrooms have a fan in the ceiling, so if your excretia comes out genuinely vile, you can turn the fan on so it can draw the smell to the ceiling, as in, all the way through the room. Why the hell do they not sell a fan venting through the toilet seat, so the smell stays in the bowl area?
God, I love the way you write.
Here we do all our urinating in the woods. So, yes it’s fine.
Thank you. My chief literary influences were Professor Tolkien, Hunter S. Thompson, and Dr. Seuss.
One other point about flatus and urinating: For older guys like myself, the prostate is no longer a great friend and ally. Benign Prostatic Hypertrophy is a barrier to quick and easy voiding. Oftentimes the process is made easier by standing (hence urinal use) plus bearing down more forcefully, using the classic valsalva maneuver to enhance urinary elimination. This results in more involuntary gaseous emission from the nether regions.
So if your public lavatory of choice is oft frequented by males of a certain age, you will tend to be exposed to more and louder reverse eructation phenomena.
But over 1/5 of Oz’s woods recently burned down so you’re likely standing in burnt scrub looking innocent. Whereas our brushfires only approached within two miles / three klicks, so we can still water trees while watching for hostile wildlife. I found bear poop on my front steps last year. Didn’t hear a fart, though.
Maybe because I’m a woman, or because I have anxiety, but I don’t know how men even have enough courage to use urinals. I wouldn’t want someone to see me while I’m peeing, even if they don’t see the actual action.
I also used to be embarrassed to use public washrooms. Having recently developed a digestive condition, I’ve had to overcome that. I understand that people fart, and poop, and change pads/tampons, etc. in washrooms, and I’m not ashamed of being human and having a body. (And sometimes it’s not possible to be quieter.)
Though I still like to remain anonymous in public bathrooms, and feel nervous about anyone I know being in the washroom as well.
And I also wish that washrooms were more private, but what can I do.
Yes, I know I’m weird.
Though a bit of a problem with this is that if someone farts loudly, you don’t know if they were blasting the volume completely on purpose, or if they were trying to be quiet and just couldn’t. And it’s probably impolite to ask them.
I doubt anyone noticed when I blasted a trouser trumpet whilst taking a leak at the urinal today. Stadium bathrooms tend to be noisy, though.
Personally, I either give them a “Well Done” or applaud, depending on volume.
I am not sure I’m weird, but several people have suggested that I might be.
Yep, fart all you want in the bathroom.
Never fart in elevators.
It is sort of weird really. And at times it can lead to the inability to pee due to performance anxiety.
I need to think about other things to get the flow going.
TMI?
In this, as in all matters of etiquette, let consideration for others be thy guide. It’s certainly rude to deliberately sound a fortissimo fanfare from your nether trumpet while someone is using the urinal next to you, as the poor fellow can’t immediately escape the blast radius. (Which is one reason for the unwritten but almost always obeyed Law of Urinal Choice: Never Go Middle!). However, we all understand that flatulence occurs, and the men’s room is the best place for it, so the social contract requires that one ignore the noises and odors encountered therein; in fact, in my experience the unspoken rule is that the existence of other men may only be acknowledged at the sinks or the door. The solo exception being a toilet paper emergency - it’s understood then that protocol may be breached to help a brother out.
When your office is on the 83rd floor and the only way is elevator 9, which goes express through 70 floors, and you just had lunch at Miguel’s, the abrupt change in air pressure as the elevator shoots up toward your office will tax your ability to restrain yourself.