But it’s subtle. Remember when you first started dating a particular woman? You always wanted to find out if she would swallow come, allow anal sex, want to experiment with a 3 some, or whatever other stuff that women in porn movies did. And while you could accept a “no” answer to any of the above, you are secretly resentful as to why she can’t do it. It can’t be THAT bad because Christy Canyon does it all of the time!
I would argue that prior to porn being so readily available, such things weren’t as important, thought about as frequently, or used as a metric to determine the “worth” of your girlfriend in bed.
The other day I read a scientific paper written by a woman, and it didn’t address her sexuality, spirituality, athletic ability, monetary worth, or moral philosophy at all. Are scientific papers therefore degrading because they imply academics exist only for studying specialized subfields of science?
Well, mostly because back then there were still some fairly prevalent conservative cultural attitudes branding such things as “dirty” or “perverted”. A number of self-identified social conservatives will still argue in public that any sex act except monogamous marital genital intercourse is icky and unnatural, but popular opinion in general has mostly rejected that view nowadays.
It may be that the pendulum of popular opinion has swung too far in the other direction at the moment, and acts that were once too apt to be considered unthinkable are now too apt to be considered mandatory.
On the whole, though, I think we’ll probably settle down into a more tolerant individualism where couples can be open about their personal sexual tastes without condemning each other as either creepily perverted or frigidly prudish. So I’d hope, at any rate.
Perhaps “resent” was too strong of a word. Plus, this is your wife. You have learned everything about her and accepted the good with the bad (not that sexual limits are bad). I was talking about during your younger days when you just started dating a particular person.
To some these things are fun activities not at all degrading, to others it is degrading. So that leaves “Degradation” a matter of opinion so these questions may never have an absolute answer.
I was in college when Deep Throat came out (the showing I saw was sponsored by the College Young Republicans) and porn then was shown in respectable theaters. I managed to avoid the mindset you claim I should have. Here is a clue for you: not everything one sees in a porn movie is something you want to do. Just like regular movies. Men actually do view their partners as people, no matter what you think.
Perhaps it’s just the circles I travel in, but I’ve never heard any of my friends or acquaintances discussing their partners in this manner. Usually any unrequited fantasies are discussed in regards to how to introduce one’s partner to the idea of an expanded sexual agenda rather than as a metric or worth.
People…I’m not saying that watching porn makes you bitch slap your girlfriend and demand that she lick your anus. I’m saying that it skews, however slightly, the perception of how women should behave sexually. That’s all. I’m not against porn, but I do understand the arguments about how some people are affected adversely by watching it. It’s sort of like alcohol; most people can handle it responsibly, but some can’t and there is that lurking danger there.
What ought to determine perceptions of how women should behave sexually? How should these perceptions be formed in the absence of porn? Should I ask every woman I meet if she would be willing to lick my anus? I suppose that describes my early 20s, but I would rather not go through that again.
The alternative seems to be acquiring a real depiction of how women usually act during sex. Are you willing to have sex with the modal heterosexual male porn consumer to educate him?
Given that the social cost of educating men might be awfully high, we might have to settle for a next best alternative.
Porn also lets real people know just what other real people are trying and enjoying. Many long-term couples find it reassuring that others are acting on fantasies that they themselves have had, and it’s led to more couples discussing their interests more openly with each other, and trying new things.
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I was talking about during your younger days when you just started dating a particular person.
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How much younger? 'cause go back far enough and you find a much younger me anxious to find out if she’d consider any sex at all however limited.
That as with many other quirks, preferences or inclinations (cats/dogs, shaken/stirred, Elvis/Beatles, PC/Mac, hairy/shaved, lights on/lights off, pro-gun/anti-gun, etc.) it becomes something that can come up and be discussed in the process of getting to know one another and maybe is or maybe isn’t a deal-breaker or subject to compromise, w/o it being seen as some sort of personal affront either way.
That way you reduce the risk of entering a LTR in which you’ll be pining for something that your partner is never going to give you, and thus avoid resenting them for it.
The part about “heightened expectations” may be in people’s minds but I would imagine that a *"yo, Earth to horndog, this is real life, not a porn video, you are **not *Rocco and I’m not Jenna" reality-check **at an early point in the process **would bring the average dude down.
Amateur porn, sure—unless you mean trying and enjoying earning a few hundred bucks by sucking off twelve ugly douchebags while kneeling on a jizz-crusted area rug in someone’s rental house in the San Fernando Valley.
Now, now. That’s liberating for the woman in question. Don’t trot out your tired old morals and try to impose them on enlightened members of the 21st century.
not at all degrading, to others it is degrading. So that leaves “Degradation” a matter of opinion so these questions may never have an absolute answer.