This is the second time in two days that I’ve mentioned this book…
If you take it for what it is, one person’s struggle with her personal desire for vengeance rather than a purely scholarly work, it’s pretty good. It also provides an alternative perspective on what kind of vengeance is legally and/or socially acceptable in other countries…
WV_Woman: I thought your story was going to end up with you saying that your mom did all those things to those people for revenge. :eek: Boy, was I relieved.
I am so surprised to see that some of you think that revenge is acceptable. I find it morally wrong in all cases.
(I don’t think the very patient Mrs. Steinhardt’s actions really qualify as revenge. More like a practical joke in response to a practical joke.)
FWIW, I totally agree with WV_Woman. Although I don’t believe in the afterlife, I do believe in karma. Or to (mis)quote the bible–You reap what you sow. If someone is a bad person, they will suffer the consequences. And when they do, you can then smile to yourself with a very clear conscience.
Vengeance is a horrible waste of time: most people who screw you over will either be punished by their conscience or, if not, will wonder why you’re being so belligerent because they didn’t do anything wrong by their morality. In the latter case, they’ll probably escalate the conflict and all of a sudden you’re in a mini-vendetta.
Revenge is only practical if it’s teaching them something, otherwise it’s catering to a petty sense of self-righteousness… people have taken revenge against me for things I couldn’t have possibly done to them, things I had full rights and moral high ground in doing, and things they even got themselves into. I have never been a vengeful person, beyond the odd beartrap-demerol-scalpel fantasy quickly replaced by needing a backrub or a long walk.
People who incite the need for revenge are like pets: when they do something bad, you have about 30 seconds to either slap their wrists, spray them with a water bottle or reprimand them verbally before the misdeed filters out of their uncaring brains. Take 20 seconds to be sure that they’re in the wrong, and use the last 10 to tell them what bastards they’re being. That’s all you can do, unless you don’t think they’d tell the cops who broke their arms. Emotion is OK. Plotting to do someone harm is really bad for you. Warning your friends that person X is not to be trusted because they did Y is probably OK, but saying that person X is a cesspit of STD’s and a child molester because your ex-girlfriend wants to date him is not cool (reference to the character assassination thingy… and I’ve seen spread a similar rumour once).
Personally, the only time I will actually take action which could be called vengeance is when I feel that one of my friends is suffering from a vendetta by someone else… I’ll take action to ensure that the vendetta ends ASAP, because everyone makes mistakes and people do get hurt by them. Forgivenness is always an option.
Anyone who thinks this post is too nice for the barbecue pit can shove it up their self-centred, over-agressive asses.
I usually don’t agree with anything WV_Woman says, but i’m with her on this one.
Karma’s a bitch who’s sole purpose is revenge. Trust her, she’ll do a much better job than you ever could.
And besides, do you REALLY want her to be all over YOUR ass for something you did to get back at whoever wronged you?
I don’t really believe that what goes around comes around…
You’ve just gotta think that there are people out there who spend much of their life screwing over others and not a darn bad thing (to them) comes of it. I mean, some people really can spend their entire life getting away with crap like that.
I don’t offer that in the way of supporting revenge. I think that abstaining from the gut impulse to seek revenge is rewarding in its way and being able to simply move on is quite powerful.
Basically, this is what I’m saying - there are a few arguments against seeking revenge. Two popular ones are: 1) bad karma will get them and 2) the revenge may be morally defunct (two wrongs don’t make a right).
For someone like myself, I don’t buy #1. I do, however, trust in #2 more.
Tibs.
p.s. I’m gonna have bad karma just for posting that. 
Well, I can be very petty. Not often, but sometimes. Especially when I am told that because of where I live I am obviously not as clever as you. On the 1st day of my career in IT, I was walked around the floor with another new starter being introduced to the people I would be working with. I was part of the testing group and the other individual was a new starter in the programming group.
After we had met a few people the other new starter started to make snide comments to the people we were meeting that he was a programmer and that because I lived in Melbourne’s West, I was only being emplyed as a tester as I was not capable of passing the ‘programmers exam’.
The further we got through the introductions, the more it became apparent that because I didn’t have a degree and he did, it was because I was a ‘Westie’ and therefore not as clever as he was.
I didn’t take too kindly to that attitude.
Since then, we have both moved employers (me once, him two or three times) and I have moved on from being ‘just a tester’ to a role where I can create life or impose death for the people who work for me, or for the outsourced organisations who my company pays to undertake their outsourced work.
As such, I am in a position of power over whether he gets hired to work on some of the projects that I look after. I generally make it uncool for him when he gets employed on my projects.
Essentially I am abusing my position of power to make sure that he knows that despite his degree and my growing up as as ‘Westie’, it really depends on your capability to make your bed (and then sleep in it). I make sure his bed is lumpy.
As I started, I can be very petty, I will hold a grudge for some reasons that others will get over, I dislike (intensley) being pigeon holed based on when I grew up and if you try a line like that on me, you’d better be sure you will always be more senior than me, otherwise you should keep your immature mouth shut.
Thank you.
Wow, I’m being serious when I say that perhaps you should see if your health insurance covers mental health care. This is a seriously weird abuse of power over a comment made 20 years ago.
To the OP, I have mixed feelings. Revenge makes you feel good, but not in the long run. You really will probably feel better for being a bigger person then that and just letting it go. No sense in making your brain chew on the wrong they did to you over and over again.
I don’t need mental heath care, but you could be excused for thinking so.
I don’t make this guys life hell. I just sometimes ensure that he gets the undesirable jobs. After all, this is about revenge, albeit for something he did a long time ago, and I should grow up, but I choose not to in the case.
On the OP, I think, depending on what type of revenge you undertake, it doesn’t have to be self-destructive.
I would never advocate violence or breaking the law. That’s a bit far for revenge. But subtle, mind-slaying revenge can be fun.
My sister remarried about two years ago. There’s a long story about something that happened when I was eleven that truly scarred me. It involved a pasta maker.
“I’d like to give her a pasta maker,” I told my therapist.
“Why?”
“[story]”
“I don’t blame you for being angry at her. But what would you accomplish by giving her a pasta maker now?”
“It would show her just how unnecessary that incident was. She went completely out of control, and alienated me for a long time, over a stupid appliance that she never would have used anyway and probably never thought about again. It would be my way of saying, ‘Here’s your damn pasta maker; I hope it’s worth it for what you did to me.’”
“But you said yourself, she probably doesn’t remember the incident. Why bring it up now?”
“Yeah…Well, can I fantasize about dropping it on her from five feet up?”
“Yes, you can fantasize.”
I gave her a silver frame for her wedding photo. Well, not really silver, but you know what I mean.
Yikes.
What if it was meant in good fun and you simply misinterpreted because you didn’t know the guy? What if she has since changed her attitude?
Which is the more “immature”, an ignorant attitude expressed one day, or twenty years of holding that attitude against a person in a quiet, calculated manner?
Do unto others, folks.
Revenge is a dish best served cold.
If the call for revenge is serious, heed it. But heed it after careful consideration and analize all the outcomes of your vengeful action. If, after careful thought and analysis, vengence is still called for, then you need to carefully plan your retaliation and plan not to get caught.
Rules to consider:
Do not let the mark know who did it no matter how tempting.
Do not admit to anything.
Do not admit to any knowledge of the “event”.
Commit the vengence after the offending offense is well in your past so that the mark will not remember who he has wronged and who might have a grudge against him (we’re talking years.)
<as a side note, if you take revenge a year or two after the offense, then your retribution is justified because it is a serious enough matter that you’ve held onto it for so long.>
Leave no evidence behind.
Do not tip off the mark.
Do not go to the scene of the crime either before or after you have committed said act.
Your vengence should be brutal enough that you feel vendicated after ONE act. Do not persist in a campaign against the idiot who wronged you.
If after reading these rules you feel that the person who wronged you deserves to be punished then wait a year. If you still feel they need to be punished then you should start thinking about what kind of revenge is appropriate.
caught@work, what you are doing is perfectly fine IMHO. I’m a somewhat similar position in that I will not allow my company to outsource parts of projects to a company that employs someone I used to work for (we are both at different companies now). He was an arrogant jerk who made my quality of life lower (not horribly but lower) back then. His new company would love our business and they try and try but no dice. He knows the reason we won’t use them and is probably running scared that I will tell his company the real reason why but I won’t. They keep trying so he hasn’t told their sales person (small company). He knows because he has sent me personal emails apologizing.
I don’t really consider it ‘revenge’ per se, though it is. I consider it teaching him a lesson not to step on the ‘little people’ because they can grow bigger and have memories.
NO revenge is not OK.
If someone has stolen from you then taking legal measures to recoup your losses is appropriate.
If someone has hurt you emotionally, then you have to choose whether to allow them the chance to make it up to you, forgive and forget the incident or to dissolve yourself of all ties to them. Sort of take it as a learning experience so to speak.
Revenge is a negative force that gains its strength at the expense of your good karma. Remember the opposite of love is not hate, it is apathy.
If someone wrong’s me, and I mean a serious offense, like raping my SO, then I mean to settle the score. The law is not as reliable as my two hands. The sort of thing that merits revenge cannot be forgiven. Nor can it be forgotten. I do not recommend retaliation for stupid petty shit.
I have thought about the revenge issue deeply over the last year. I really wanted to get back at my ex-husband for fucking me and our marriage over. But the worst thing I did was scrub the Wonder Pony’s saddle pad with his toothbrush. By the time I heard about putting a frozen turkey in the house rafters (imagine the stench as it thawed during a hot, humid summer), it was too late–I had moved out. But the more I thought about, the more I realized that living well is truly the best revenge. The most important thing to him is money and how he appears to the rest of the world. I recently found out he owes $40,000 in credit card debt. And I have about $1,000. That alone makes me smile and that is karma biting him in the ass. And I didn’t even have to do anything. If you actively seek revenge, I think it lowers you to the level of the other person. Plus you waste too much energy.
Revenge rocks! You are never even till you’re ahead.
Think I’ll go home and have a few beers.
The world is full of small, petty people. I don’t intend to be one of them. And I can’t be bothered to get back at someone I’ve found to be small and petty. Life’s too short.
Cask of Amontillado, anyone?
http://www.literature.org/authors/poe-edgar-allan/amontillado.html
Long time reader first time poster, howdies and all that.
I have no idea why I am responding to this out of all the posts I have read but what the hell, it spoke to me.
My personal belief on revenge is simple. Karma will get people for bad deeds. However, doing something bad to someone else (even if it is revenge) is going to bring bad karma on you. You have to ask yourself, “Am I willing to pay the price to get this person back.”, if yes then make it count.
Of course you can always convince yourself it’s ok by just asking, “what if I am the tool karma uses to bring this person what he/she deserves?”.
I have had my revenge a couple of times and I got bit for it, but then, so did they.
Welcome, goat!
:::Rilchiam leans in and whispers::: Are you really a long time reader? If so, I guess you realize what you’re in for, with that name…