And then there is being “facetious”, which I STILL do not understand … is it the same as sarcasm, the same as irony, or …?
Can anyone explain, with examples?
Of the millions of people I’ve come to know there is only one friendship I have where there is a reciprocal friendly use of sarcasm. Goes back to 1973. Pretty risky strategy if you ask me.
It could be the age difference (I’m currently 25), but I have quite a few friends with whom I have reciprocal sarcasm on a fairly regular basis.
Also, I nominate “Reciprocal Sarcasm” for a candidate on our interminable list of potential band names. 
I wonder about that
Definition
But couldn’t sarcasm be used in that way too?
You know, you might be right. We country folk have such difficulty understanding these concepts that require subtlety and timing. I’ll linger in the vineyards and think about it.
This thread totally blows dead goats, except for Twickster’s posts, which are, like, sheer genius and before which I bow and avert my eyes because I am unworthy to read them.
Now, post #26 IMO is sarcastic, but not mean-spirited. My idiotic phrasing ("totally blows dead goats, " "sheer genius " etc.) is one tip off that I’m less than completely sincere, and my affection and respect for Twix, which I’m sure she knows, alerts her that my sarcastic tone is not meant to be hurtful but merely to illustrate my point. What it says, in effect, is “I like this thread, but Twickster’s point that sarcasm is inherently mean-spirited is somewhat open to discussion.”
I find that tho I generally believe I am aiming at irony, my idea of humor tends heavily towards sarcasm.
Tho I do not intend many most of my comments to be mean spirited, I regularly find that they are interpreted as such.
And my kids are turning into quite the sarcastic little beasts.
I regularly find people think I am critical, angry, or mean - based on what I thought were humorous observations.
So I don’t know if sarcasm is “always” mean-spirited. But IME it is interpreted as such far more frequently than I intend.
I dont think that sarcasm is necessarily mean-spirited. Im known as an extremely sarcastic person but Im also, I think, considered fairly nice.
That having been said, its important to be careful when using sarcasm. The target of the sarcasm must understand that youre being sarcastic or feelings can be hurt.
I think that sarcasm, if used correctly, can actually strengthen friendships. My best friends are the ones I can make sarcastic jokes with and about. We know eachother well enough to exchange sarcastic jokes with plenty of laughter but no hard feelings.
Depends on how you define the word.
Back when I was teaching poetry appreciation, I was careful to note the difference between irony and sarcasm (as well as to differentiate between the kinds of irony). Sarcasm, I would point out, derives from the same root as ‘scapel’ and means cutting language–that is, language intended, however seriously or whimsically, to be mocking or insulting; irony, by contrast, at its simplest is language whose literal meaning is the opposite of its intended effect. I gave this as an example (lifted from the textbook, I should add):
Irony:
“I have your exam grade, Skald, and I’m afraid it’s bad news: you got an A!”
Sarcasm:
Student: "Mr. Rhymer, I don’t understand what you mean when you say Alanis Morrissette misused the word “ironic” in her song.
Skald: “That’s okay, Sean. I wouldn’t expect YOU to understand.”
Back to the OP question: I’d say that sarcasm is always intended to be at least a little hurtful, even if it’s only hurtful in the sense of getting the auditor’s attention.
Nope. It boils down to communication. You can be sarcastic towards someone or something, but if they don’t know you, they’ll see it as mean-spirited. Good sarcasm happens when both parties know each other well without sarcasm, then include the sarcasm in afterwards.
Like we didn’t see THAT coming :rolleyes:
No, that would be coincidence. Irony is that the literal meaning of what you say is opposite from what is really meant. You literally say it’s great but really mean it sucks.
“Irony is…I can’t give you a definition but I know it when I see it!” /Reality Bites
NYC transplant to NH/VT here, and that sounds about right. I can be very sarcastic but it’s usually directed at myself, a neutral situation, a situation I know we all hate, or someone who has admitted to a fault and clearly doesn’t mind being teased about it. I always warn people that if you think I’m joking/sarcastic, assume I am because I would never mean to be mean. But I can be super deadpan and I know people up here often “fall for it” and may walk away confused or offended. 
Sorry for the multiple posts, but the above reminded me of an incident this weekend. A friend and I were hiking to our favorite swimming spot, a little lake in the woods. A bicyclist on the way down saw us with our towels and said “I hate to break it to you but they’ve drained the pond.” Being savvy chicks we said “Yeah right, ha ha.” He said “I’m serious” and we just rolled our eyes at his persistent “joke” and went on. Sotto voce my friend says could that be true? and I brazenly say no, with a slight snort.
Of course it turns out that they ARE rebuilding the dam and the lake (reservoir) was off-limits. I feel bad for the guy because he tried his best to let us know and we-who-could-not-be-fooled were fooled. :smack: