Besides I was just making conversation 
but the psychoanalysis was much appreciated.
DO IT AGAIN!!!
Social chit-chat may be akin to mutual-masturbation, fun and light, but great communication is like great sex. Communication only becomes masturbation when it results in letters that are never sent, poems that are never shared, and even then there isn’t anything wrong with that in moderation.
Masturbation? No.
There is a reason why they call is Social Intercourse.
I think there comes a time in life when, if you are career building, some of this is necessary. Networking, they call it.
It’s a drag to me too. But necessary to develop a support system. And friendships do grow out of it.
Guess it never hurts to have a good honest look at one’s self and figure out why you actually have conversations with people.
I do like the anecdotal stuff. But then I have more time at this point in my life to listen than I used to.
I like to approach people I meet with the expectation that each of those people has a gift to offer me and that I will receive it if I pay attention. This proves true generally.
It’s not always a welcome gift. Sometimes it’s just learning something about who not to approach. Hee.
Except the hairy palms, anyway.
The monkeysphere thing is no excuse. You are not with 150 people at any given time. (and if you are, you can group a bunch of people as one, like in public speaking.) It is easy to keep a few slots open for random people. And it is pretty easy to empathize, and thinking of the other person as if they were you.
And the thing is, you do care about other people. Or you wouldn’t be asking this question. If you only cared about yourself, why would you care if you’re coming off badly? If they don’t like you talking about you, that’s their problem, not yours. But you do care, even if for selfish reasons.
I personally find other people more interesting than myself, but I’m working on talking about myself. It’s easiest for me to talk about things, which is why I like this message board. I’m already learning how to integrate talking about myself with this, but at the cost of not asking about other people, and keeping them interested.
And I have a hard time converting messageboard style conversation to real life.
As usual, with the most relevant and resolute response… BigT kicks SDMB square in the nuts.
I only disagree with one thing. If we care how we come off, for selfish reasons, then that’s caring only about ourselves, but making sure to seem as if we care about the other person. Caring what someone thinks of you does not make you care about them by default. It just makes you care not to be criticized.
In fact expressing that you care what someone thinks regardless that you care for selfish reasons, can be an effective way of convincing others that you are selfless. That in and of it self is arguably a very selfish goal.
Either way. I also suffer from the “thing” talking disorder.
It’s hard… but I am getting better as I get older. At least we’re trying!!!
What do you mean “just”?
you know…like, is socializing it a form of morally accepted masturbation as opposed to unjust masturbation.
I must be socializing wrong.
On what basis are you making this judgement? Sure, it may be true for you, but how can you possibility speak so authoratively on what ranges of conversation topics other people find interesting?
I don’t feel like its true for me. Of course, I’m in a position where I voluntarily listen to people talk about their various life woes, so maybe I’m a bit of a weirdo.
Will I grow hair on my tongue if I socialize?
No, but you may go blind
no, what i mean is that peoples interests differ. in most situations you’ll find you are not mutually interested in the same things. not to say you won’t become interested, but definitely an opening for the onset of boredom and daydreaming. it really depends. maybe you are a person who surrounds himself with people that are a certain way. but people in general are very individual and common interest is not the topic at hand , nor is a topic you are interested in that you allow to filter into your immediate social circle.
im talking about people outside of your circle
True to some extent, but there’s usually enough common ground to have a reasonably enjoyable short conversation, even with people you don’t know well.
Certainly, when a conversation is directly entirely towards one person’s interests it can become dissatisfying to the other - but I’d usually consider this style of conversation (where one person is enjoying themselves and the other is wishing to escape) fairly dysfunctional, and not necessarily typical of most social conversation.
Most people have at least some ability to tell when their companions eye’s have glazed over, and redirect the conversation.
I don’t know how old the OP is, but I’m wondering if too many young people are so used to texting and blogging and message boarding that they are simply uncomfortible with face to face conversation. Talk about “conversational masterbation”, what do you think the SDMB or any other blog or mb is? No one really cares what people say and no one cares if they care. You write something, people read it or they don’t. You see something and decide whether or not you want to respond to it.
Imagine that working in the real world with face to face conversations. People just blurting out things and then some time later someone else nearby burts out an incongruent response.
There is an actual skill required in having a conversation with people, keeping them interested and making them feel as if you are interested in them.
That would be soliloquy.