In our circle of friends, there is one guy who rarely brings his girlfriend out to hang out with us. All of us hang out practically every weekend, and we’ll see her once a month if that. They’ve been together for 5 years, and we’ve known him for two.
On the other hand, there’s another guy who always brings his girlfriend. Like, when he says he’s coming to join us, we just automatically assume she’s coming as well (not that I mind - I like her a lot).
The other day, one of us mentioned in passing that they thought it was really weird that Guy #1 spends almost every Saturday night away from his girlfriend. I wasn’t sure what I thought - on the one hand, it is kind of odd; on the other, they live together, so maybe they don’t mind doing their own thing on the weekends.
Interesting. I guess my thing is that I’d be offended not to be invited along to whatever my boyfriend is doing, especially if the group is sort of mutual friends.
On the other hand, my boyfriend and I have different interests and likes a lot of the time. He goes out and watches hockey with the boys a lot, and that’s my cue to stay home or go to a cafe and do some reading. Even when we’re in the same city, we definitely do a lot of socializing without the other, but 3 Saturdays out of 4 would be a bit beyond what I, personally, would be happy with, I think.
I generally hang around at my b/f’s by default, and I’ll go home to do work or hang out with friends as needed. I live 10 blocks from him, so it’s an easy walk. I generally don’t bring him to see my friends casually, but if there’s a party or a dinner, I’ll invite him along. He usually declines, b/c he’s more of a homebody. He also works from home, so he uses the time I’m gone to get things done.
I would imagine that, when you live with someone, you see them so often that it doesn’t become necessary to bring them everywhere like an attache case. If I didn’t spend so much time with my b/f on a daily basis, I’d probably try to bring him out more, or else I’d see my friends less in order to spend more time with him.
I never thought to bring my girlfriend along with me to hang out with my friends when we were together but, then, we weren’t together very long and I was never very much into her in the first place.
On the other hand, my best friends are a couple and though I’ve hung out with the guy much more than the girl, it’s only because he and I work together and her schedule doesn’t allow she and I to socialize much. Back when we all three worked together, I considered them a two-for-one deal and considered them both equally good friends which, ideally, it should be.
Anything I want to do on my own, I intentionally schedule during the week (this usually means movies after work) so that the weekend is always reserved for her. If I’m invited to something she’s not interested in, that’s no biggee (I can go) and if work intrudes, then we make other plans.
But I always always always operate on the assumption that the entire weekend is time spent together, and any deviation from that is something we’ll bring up with each other beforehand. This is largely due to the fact that she works a ton, so I know I’m not going to get any quality time with her during the week (hence, my increased flexibility after work).
Well, I spend almost every night with my husband, and every day on the weekends, too… we do, by default, spend a lot of time together. But I wouldn’t think it odd to spend every Saturday apart… say if one of us had salsa dancing lessons or a group of friends we liked to hang out with regularly. We have a lot of mutual friends, so I’m not saying this is likely to happen… but it doesn’t make it inherently odd to regularly spend time apart from your SO.
I think it’s a little odd that he spends every Saturday night with you and not his girlfriend unless she’s got something going on Saturday nights that prevents it. But I feel like a date is implied on the weekend on either Friday or Saturday nights, not necessarily both.
My boyfriend and I live together (for whatever impact that may have) and it’s kinda always understood that he’s invited and I’m invited to any “evening out” activity that’s going on.
With the caveat that
a.) he likes to go out to watch sports, which can bore me, and
b.) he likes to go out a lot earlier than I do, around seven p.m., whereas I like to go out no earlier than ten, and
c.) if I’m having a girls’ night with my friends, he knows he’s sincerely welcome but he will seldom show. (He’s what he likes to call “low maintenance,” in that he’s more than happy to sit at a bar and play bar poker by himself, in his own little world, and ignore all the “girl talk” going on around him.)
When a. and/or b.) occur, I will meet him and his friends out later, if I feel so inclined, and if c.) occurs…sometimes he’ll join me later on in the evening and most of the time he won’t.
Either way, though, the point is that the invitation is always open to both of us. And most of the time we go out together. (Even if we’re too busy chatting to pals to spend much time talking to each other individually while we’re out.)
Maybe the girlfriend the OP is wondering about just doesn’t enjoy going out so much? Maybe she goes out with her own friends? Or stays at home enjoying quiet time?
That’s the innocuous scenario, of course, but if they’ve been together for five years something must be working.
Maybe she is not into “hanging out”. I guess it depends on what you are doing every Saturday night.
Are you sitting around watching movies/playing video games? Going to a club?
Neither would interest me and might prefer to stay home with a good book or a chick flick but I would have no problem with him going out.
My BF used to play darts every Tuesday night which really did not interest me. I went with him maybe once a month just to show I supported him and the team. I had a fairly good time but I could not have handled it every week.
My partner and I are one of those couples that do almost everything together. It’s not that we’re incabaple of spending time away, it’s just that we have most of the same interests, most of the same friends and we love spending time together.
The other thing is that she works 6 days a week and with household chores, 6 animals to care for and the fact that we both work long hours, the weekend is the best time to really spend time together. Friday nights we meet our friends at a local pub for burgers and beer. Saturdays she works until 5 then we rent a movie or play cards with friends. Sometimes we go out. Sundays it’s up for grabs but almost always together.
We’ve looked at that pattern and have concluded that we do have a co-dependency, however, we don’t stand in each other’s way if something were to come up. We call it a healthy co-dependency. We’re just that sick couple that’s helplessly and hopelessly in love even after 5 years together.
My SO has a friend who I do not care for at all. When he and the boyfriend go out, I am always invited but always decline by saying, “Oh, why don’t you two have a guys’ night?” I don’t keep my boyfriend away from his friends, but there’s no reason for me to be unhappy/annoyed.
I would say that spending the weekend with your SO is a default, and other plans should be discussed with and okayed by the SO (mostly so they don’t get stuck at home after turning down invitations themselves). Like most things to do with relationships, if whatever they’re doing is working for the couple involved, it’s really no one else’s business.
I’m a girl, but through some weird set of circumstances the only girl in our circle of friends (circumstances being that we had a more diverse group in grad school but after graduation a lot of us were scattered to the four winds). And yeah, I guess she might not like us, but she seems to have fun when we do hang out. (Then again maybe she’s just a really good actress.)
I’ve never been in a long-term relationship, so I was just curious as to general opinions.
Nope. We have lived together for going on 5 years and spend a number of weekends apart. We do a lot of stuff together, but if he wants to spend Saturday with a friend or group of friends I have no problem with him going alone. He feels the same regarding me. He goes out alone many weekend nights, mostly because I am virtually over the whole going out drinking thing and he is on a pool team so has to practice. I probably go once a month.
This is actually one of the big things I appreciate about him, he recognizes that we don’t have spend waking moment together and can have our own lives in addition to our life together.