Is the fear of dying alone a reason to get married?

I’ve heard this from several single people recently.
They are getting older, are still unmarried and are worried they will die alone. Is that a reason to get married? I always assumed I would die alone anyway. I feel bad for these people but this doesn’t make much sense to me. I can see how someone would be afraid to live alone, but die alone? That seems like it should be the least of your worries.

reason to get married? no

reason to maybe get out and possibly look for a mate? Yup

Sure it’s a reason. It may not be the best reason - it may not even be a sound reason. But it’s a reason.

People get married for many different reasons and there are unfortunately a great number of very lonely people in the world.


It’s not like getting married is exactly a guarantee against dying alone, anyway. What if their spouse dies first? People are so weird.

Absolutely. Next time I’m in the desert, lying broken and bleeding underneath a boulder next to my wrecked vehicle, nursing a rattlesnake bite and dehydrating under the baking sun, I suspect I’ll propose to the first woman who comes along and shows willing.

Actually, I suspect “dying alone” is shorthand for the whole “growing old, pottering around the house with dozens of cats, falling ill with no one to care for me, eventually passing away without anyone noticing until the house gets unmistakeably whiffy, and not having anyone to remember my existence.”

As long as it’s a reciprocal relationship, sure, why not?

>Actually, I suspect “dying alone” is shorthand for the
>whole "growing old…
Yes, I think that’s it. I just don’t know how to respond. They seem so wounded when they say this. I’m wondering what all the fuss is about. Unless you jump off a cliff together one of you is going first. I don’t mention that, I just nod and sigh. I hope that’s appropriate.

NO!!! NO!! POOR Excuse, makes no earthly excuse at all. Why would you live the last 30 years or so of your life in a situation that may or may not be good and belive me folks if it is less than optimum to begin with it WILL get worse, why would you do that when you are going to roll the dice on a 50-50 shot at dying alone anyway? I mean ONE of you presumably will go first. It is unsual for both parties to die at exactly the same time. That is just ridiculous. I’s rather spend my life happily alone (and probably will)

You won’t die alone. You’ll always have your cats.

Not that it’ll mean much, but married men live longer than bachelors. I’m not sure how this works when it comes to women, but as a married male it reassures me. :wink:

I have a very good friend that married when he was 56. He married a gal in her 40’s. He is happier than hell and she loves being the “trophy wife” (her words) when we all get together. So if you start feeling lonely, look around, it might not be too late.

It’s a great reason. After all, marriage magically transforms an ordinary relationship into a 100% guaranteed lifetime of shared happiness.

Or not. Get married when you want to celebrate the amazing relationship you’ve found yourself in, not to try to build security into a relationship that doesn’t have it to begin with.

Finagle did a much better job of expressing my attitude than I could have.

I’m not sure why some posters are drawing an equal sign between getting married to alleviate fear of dying alone and being trapped in a loveless hell.

As some posters have pointed out, two people who are afraid of dying alone have some motivation to improve their relationship and
work on the marriage. Such a couple might have an easier time, in the long run, than people who had wild, heady, love and figured that would be enough for 40 years.

Extroverts equate loneliness with depression. Introverts equate loneliness with solitude, peace of time and relaxation.

In college, I once had an extended debate with a friend about why he would never get married: it boiled down to his idea that someone better than who he was with was likely to come along, and he needed to be available.

I think some guys who started out with this idea in their youths come to realize, in their later thirties or even forties, that all the “someone betters” have stopped coming by, and exactly what kind of walking Barbie were they waiting for anyway? Why not hook up with the next “someone good” and see how it goes? Maybe “perfection” is a crock, and good companionship and love are more important.

And in translation from their foggy brains to their lumpen tongues, maybe it comes out as “I just don’t want to die alone!” when what they really mean is “Maybe I’m still alone because my priorities were screwed up until now, and maybe I should change that.”

Not all of 'em, but some of 'em.

Paraphrasing Dave Barry’s Complete Guide to Guys…

Guys are terrified that they’ll meet someone, settle down, get married, have kids, have grandkids, retire, go on a world tour with their devoted wife, reflect on their 50 or more years of happiness, and just then some naked fashion models will walk up to him and invite him to join them in the hot tub and HE WON’T BE ABLE TO DO IT…

Is fear of hooking up with some psychopath a reason to remain single? :dubious:

Violet Works for me! The next time he asks me why we’re not married, I’ll quote you!

Giggle Gaggle

I love this quote with all the passion Homer Simpson had for the Ribwich. I’m going to print that on a plaque and put it on my office door!

It is a REASON, but I don’t think it is a GOOD reason. Fear of ANYTHING is not a good reason to get married.

There are lots of good reasons for getting married, but most of them have to do with love and a need or desire to share your life with a certain person. If you never find that certain person who you yearn to share your life with, then being alone is better than being alone together. IMHO.

I think that if you marry because you are afraid to be alone, you are likely find yourself in exactly that situation. (Alone together, I mean…) There is nothing better than a GOOD marriage, and nothing worse than a BAD marriage. I think, anyway. If you are alone together, you have all of the negative aspects of being alone with none of the positive benefits of being alone. I know that sounds convoluted, but…think about it. Or not.

I highly doubt I will ever get married, but I do have a fear of growing old alone.

I think people get married for the wrong reasons a lot of times. Love doesn’t conquer all, lust surely doesn’t. A solid friendship and compatibility go a long way into making a relationship/marriage last.

That said, I don’t even think I would be capable of marrying my closest male friend just to spare each other from being alone as we grew older. I wouldn’t marry him to secure the possibility of having children. I wouldn’t marry him for the tax break. I’m romantic enough to one the whole enchilada if I ever were to marry.

If I settle for less, I’ll just be bitter and end up being even more alone.

Yes, of course it’s a reason. For some people, it may even be a good reason. I’ve heard some people have children for the same reason.

For me personally, it sucks as a reason on several levels. I’d rather be happy and alone, than unhappily married. Happiness does not come from a legal promise. There is no guarantee that the marriage will last, or you won’t end up dying alone anyway. “Settling” is not something I’m prepared to do.

It wouldn’t be a good enough reason for me. It may be a good enough reason for others, so more power to them. I don’t think people’s reasons for marriage need to be pre-approved yet :slight_smile: