By this I mean, is there anything you do that you pretend to other people you don’t?
Sill not clear, huh?
Let me give a couple of examples.
I cuss, and sometimes feel guilty about it because I know I don’t have to. My mother is one person I don’t cuss in front of, I don’t think she knows I use four letter words quite fluently.
Another: I had a humorous Christmas sweatshirt, a stable scene, stars, animals and shepherds looking inside. A voice calls out “It’s a GIRL!!” My grandmother once saw me wearing it and she was worried about me and my theology. I reassured her "It’s just a joke!’ But I made sure she never saw the shirt again, although it’s still my favorite. My grandma’s peace of mind was more important to me than the joke.
Coworkers. If I’m at home and need to stand somewhere more than 30 seconds or so, I rock from foot to foot. Since being at work means making an effort to rein in the hyperactive part of ADHD, I try very hard not to do things like that in front of people.
I was very religious as a teen, to the point of scheduling my own rides to services because my parents didn’t attend. It gave my grandmother a lot of pride and joy, and as far as I’m concerned, it will continue to, even though it’s not true anymore.
I opened the thread to say, “No not at all,” but I see your examples include self censorship of swearing with parents and I have always done that without even consciously thinking about it. Elsewhere I swear quite a bit. Well, sometimes you fucking have to.
Often. I consider it a valuable skill. Part of “being myself” is figuring out different ways to express myself, so that I can express myself in the ways that my audience will be most receptive to.
At work, I will often begin a patient visit rather gentle and ultra professional, to feel the person out. Then I slowly adapt my communication in response to their verbal and nonverbal feedback. Some people want a quiet, soft spoken nurse. Others prefer a gregarious nurse. Some like sarcasm, some don’t get sarcasm at all. Some want me to take an authoritarian stance and tell them precisely what to do, others want me to respect that they’re going to make their own choices, even if they’re less than ideal ones. Some need a nurturer, others need a cheerleader, and a few need a scold.
At the end of the day, the advice and information is the same. But it’s the difference between, “Mrs. Jones, your doctor has written your prescription so that you don’t take too much of this medicine. Too much might make it difficult to breathe, so make sure you’re not taking more than the doctor prescribed,” And “Well, you know, Mildred…we *could *get rid of all your pain, but we’d get rid of your breathing at the same time, and that would ruin your whole day!”
I can’t be the perfect nurse to everyone, I know that. But I find that by being willing to behave differently for different people, I have far fewer complaints and reassignments than some of my more rigid colleagues.
WhyNot, I could never be a nurse, I’d be one of the rigid ones.
Thing is, I have a LOT of nurses in the family. My mother and my aunt(now gone) My cousin, that aunt’s daughter. The son and daughter in law of my other aunt, as well as a couple of second cousins. My one sister is a pharmacist and my other works in patient care at the VA hospital.
I have a ton of respect for nurses, they do an incredibly hard job. If I won the lottery I’d endow a full nursing scholarship named for my mother.
Everyone does this–it’s just part of normal social interaction and register change in language. To the boss. To parents. To children. We all constantly change how we talk depending on whom we’re talking to.
I’m pretty much myself with anyone I meet, but if I’ve known someone for a long time, I’ll tend not to show any new aspects to them as I change over the years. I think it’s because my mother used to get bewildered and sort of dismayed/upset when I was a child and I would turn out to like something that she thought I didn’t like or feel interested in something she thought I felt no interest in. So I stick with what I think their idea of me is because I not-very-consciously expect them to react badly otherwise.
Normally I don’t curse in public, especially to strangers. But a couple of months ago, in the supermarket, a woman rudely accused me of running into her with my cart. I tried to reason with her - even apologized - but she just became more and more verbally abusive. I was already having a really bad day and was in quite a bit of physical pain. I tried to get away from her, but she came after me with a tirade of verbal assaults. I finally lost it and cursed her like a sailor.
I’ve worked with the public most of my life. I have slowly learned to talk like a “politician”.
That is I avoid discussing any controversial topics. And kind of stay in the middle (neutral) if someone asks me about politics or other mine fields. This way of behaving is good for business!
I also vary my intelligence level when responding to questions. Try to be on the same level as the person I am talking with.
I try to avoid offending people’s sensitivities needlessly. So yes, I very often do not do or say things in their presence that would otherwise be my normal behavior and lifestyle.
I am also a nurse, ditto to everything WhyNot said. In my life outside of work I try to pretend to be normal when I first meet people. Later they get to meet the me who freely uses the f-word, makes lots of inappropriate comments and just generally lacks filters.
