My friend recently told me that the Mormons believe heaven is actually a planet named Kolob, or something, and it has everything we have here, except for regular soda, but it does have diet, including (my friend swears this is true) Diet spiritual Dr. Pepper. Then some stuff about a daily mating ritual and a (seriously) 1 hour long underwear dance. Is he full of BS, or is this actually true?
Sounds like your friend is at least partly full of BS.
I haven’t read all the Mormon writings, but I’ve been told that somewhere in the writings of Joseph Smith there’s something about Kolob… lesseee… Here, in “Pearl of Great Price”, Smith writes about Kolob in a way that seems to indicate Kolob as either the residence of God, Heaven, or both.
Nothing I can see about diet soda there. Perhaps I’m looking in the wrong place (Circle Kolob, maybe? 
).
I think the bit about mating rituals and underwear dances is also likely bunk, although I admit to being ignorant of many aspects of Mormon cosmology.
P.S. Welcome to the board! BTW, Great Debates is the forum more for timeless debates, like the chicken-and-the-egg thing. This may have been more appropriate to the forum called “General Questions.”
Daily mating ritual, you say? Where do I sign up?
Wevets:
You’re killing me here! “Circle Kolob” is the funniest thing I’ve read all weekend.
Anyway, this is the right forum as this is definetly going to get around to the infamous Mormon-bashers arriving shortly to spew.
What the hey.
Brief answers to each. For more, try http://www.lds.org
Kind of.
Well, wouldn’t you expect heaven to have all the good parts of Earth?
Cute, but ludicrous. If this friend of your is LDS, then he is either pulling your leg or lacks an understanding of his faith. If he’s not LDS, he’s completely full of it.
Nope.
Nope.
Looks to me like he’s got 1.5 out of 5. Not a bad batting average, but pretty high on the shitometer.
“He’s harmless. Part of the free speech movement at Berkeley in the sixties. I think he did a little too much LDS.”
Remember, a lot of Mormonism is very symbolistic, and those who wish to bash Mormonism like to take those symbols out of context to make the religion seem ridiculous, or worse, malicious.
Of course there is – didn’t you ever watch Battlestar Galactica?
Oops, that was “Kobol”. Series Producer Glen A. Larsen was LDS, and it’s amazing how much LDS stuff crept into BG. It’s as bad as Orson Scott Card’s Red Prophet series.
What, did Orson Scott Card have kids turning into demons because they took one too many Benadryl?
I second what Andros and SPOOFE said.
IIRC, doesn’t ancient fundamentalist Islam say that Heaven is a place with flowing rivers of milk and honey, and an endless supply of beautiful virgin women to ravish? (And only men get into Heaven, women are automatically condemned to Hell, so your wife can’t get jealous).
[SUB]Note that (a) I am talking about ancient fundamentalist Islam here, and (b) these are my foggy recollections from a course about fourteen years ago, so my details are probably wrong. But hey, isn’t this the kind of stuff that really makes you sit up and pay attention? ;)[/SUB]
Mmmm . . . hot and cold running houris . . .
OK, I’ll bite. I’m LDS.
Kolob is just the name for where God lives. I don’t know if anyone really considers it a planet–sort of? You couldn’t get there in a spaceship. Mortal humans couldn’t go there. It’s kind of on another plane of existence, if you want to think of it that way; it’s a celestial place. I think Joseph Smith saw it in vision, but he didn’t talk about it. We don’t debate about its exact nature or anything, and it’s not considered important for everyday purposes (like, say, prayer and repentance are).
The rest is just bunk. I’m a Dr. Pepper fan myself, but I kind of doubt that it will be around in heaven, or that I’ll care by then.
I think this really gets to the quick of the matter. So many people take aspects of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints out of context, whether maliciously or not. There are many facets of the church which are confusing or peculiar at first glance, and sometimes even after continued study.
The scriptures speak of Kolob in a rather roundabout way, and certainly do not give a schedule of events. You’d be hard pressed to find a member of the church who believed that a complete understanding of the nature of Kolob is essential to our salvation. There are many more pressing issues at hand. Speculation about the matter can be very interesting, but that is all it can be.
Hmmm…genie you say LSD does not see this as an actual place. Well, following dqa’s link I found this to be the definition and this is coming from http://www.mormons.org.
"Elder Bruce R. McConkie taught:
Kolob means “the first creation.” It is the name of the planet “nearest to the celestial, or the residence of god.” It is “first in government, the last pertaining to the measurement of time. . . . One day in Kolob is equal to a thousand years according to the measurement of this earth.” (Book of Abraham, pp. 34-35; Abra. 3:3-9.) ( Mormon Doctrine, p.428)
Please note that Kolob is the nearest planet to the residence of god, not the residence itself."
This sound to me like an actual planet. **oh yeah, I did change all the capital g’s to lower case g’s because the god of the LSD is not the same person as God is. God did not come from any planet. God created all planets. But, I am sure we can find lots of debates already open talking about a god vs God.
:shrug: Sounds allegorical to me. The fact remains that no one says it’s a place anyone can reach on this plane of existence.
Lovely. As my old aunt Slappy would say, “Tactless, yet rude.” What say you leave the anti-Mormon sentiment at the door, hmmm? We’re discussing the tenets of the faith–I don’t give a rat’s ass whether you agree with it or not.
No, I did not say that. It’s a real place; but the Enterprise is not going to discover it in the Delta Quadrant, that’s all.
I’ll go along with McConkie; I have no problem with Kolob being a place near where God lives and not the actual spot. This is not a topic on which most people can provide an exact and definitive summary. It doesn’t come into our everyday lives. I can’t remember the last time someone talked about Kolob in church (although there’s a nice hymn about it).
Ok sorry, I could have been more tackfull. But we are talking about a planet called Kolob and rather or not it is a planet or not. It is harder to address this issue without discussing what the planet is all about. Since I believe the same word is being used to define two different meanings I wanted to explain the difference. But, like I said, I could have been more tackful. Sorry about that.
Anyway, we have decided that the planet Kolob is a planet nearest to the LSD’s god. But from the rest of the questions. It does not appear as if any of the rest of the info follows the LDS chruch.
But, if it is the closest plant to the residence of god, and then one day on Kolob is equal to 1000 earh years. Does this mean that the closer you get to the residence of god the concept of times also changes?
This woman named M. J. Agee says on her site that Saturn is where God lives.
I’ll get ya the link tomorrow.
I don’t care where it is, as long as I get there!