That’s an interesting take. She gets lots of compliments on her memory and always claims she doesn’t work at it - that always sees everything as “pictures” and it’s always right there. She often says, now that she’s gotten to the age she is, that she wishes she could leave her memory to someone when she goes. (Not her memories, just her ability to recall things.)
What I can tell you is that everything is always right there. She never has to stop and think about what she’s trying to recall, or even try to recall it - she simply recalls it. Instantly. Like it happened just that morning.
My sister got really annoyed with her a year or so ago when she took my aunt to visit a historic old hotel downtown that had been vacant for decades but recently purchased and renovated by new owners. Every place they walked in the newly updated building Edith (I’ll refer to her as Edith so as not to keep referring to “my aunt”) would comment on the columns that were no longer where they used to be, describe the old wallpaper that used to be in that particular room, where various pieces of furniture, wet bars and so forth used to be and what they looked like, what the lamps and fixtures used to look like, etc., etc. All this was especially annoying to my sister because she once attended a dance there as a teenager and could scarcely remember having even been there, much less anything like that kind of detail…and Edith hadn’t been there since twenty years before that!
And Edith’s like that with everything. She can tell you what buildings used to be where as you drive through town, how the streets have changed over the years, who the politicians and builders were who made those changes happen and the reasons for them, and on and on and on about virtually everything she’s ever experienced in her life. And again, it’s all right there - names, dates, events, events leading up to those events, and so on. I don’t know anyone who knows her who doesn’t wish they had her powers of recall - they just wish they weren’t treated to so much of hers.
I believe it, too. The difference is (probably–I’m basing this on similarities to similar cases that have been investigated by psychologists) that she is for whatever reason highly motivated to hold onto those memories. A “normal” person might experience an event and almost immediately start thinking about something else, whereas she’s constantly rolling the memory around in her head (and everyone around her experiences the side effects of this). Once it’s in long-term memory then it can be recalled as easily as anything else. Most of us have loads of facts available for instant recall, but direct experience often gets short shrift.
Obviously the phenomenon comes in degrees and it seems like your aunt has it in a decent balance. But in extreme forms it is a true obsession, and the focus on the past can crowd out thoughts in the present. Further, it doesn’t seem to confer any memory advantage in non-autobiographical areas, so the utility is somewhat limited.
Well I dunno really, peedin. I woke up this morning after a terrible night’s sleep - with it being so oppressively hot and everything and I didn’t want to put the fan on because it meant that I had to unplug the iPad speakers to do it and I know I really should get that double adapter out but I keep forgetting about it until I’m too tired to bother and I’m not sure whether I’ve put it in the useful drawer or in with the box with the extension cords and jacks. I think it’s in the box; I’m sure I saw it when I was having to move the lamp a few weeks ago when I decided to rearrange the furniture. It took a whole day to do, and I was making flower pot bread as well, though I don’t know why I decided to do that since I didn’t have any walnuts on hand and I had to go and buy them. I could’ve just walked to the local IGA but they’re so ridiculously expensive there I went to the supermarket instead and I hate going there when I only really have to get one thing, so I bought some paper towels and some baking paper and what else did I get…some ham I think…no - some salami…and some ginger beer…I don’t remember whether I got three or four bottles…no! That’s right - I got one bottle, and a bottle of that lemon lime and bitters one, which I’m not sure I really like…
I don’t know, it seems you’re going by clinical studies but it seems to me there just isn’t enough time in the day, nor between occurrence and occurrence for a person to adequately dwell upon and mull over every single thing that happens to them to the extent that it all becomes readily available and instantly recallable through long term memory.
I remember back in the seventies when the idea became popular that to better remember things, a person should try to attach outrageous images to them to make them more memorable. For example, instead of laying your glasses down on top of the TV where you might forget where you put them, you should envision something like the antenna (yeah, remember TV antennas?) being rammed through one of the lenses, breaking the glass and leaving the frame impaled at the bottom of the antenna. I tried it one night as I was driving across a bridge over a river called The Deep Fork River. So I envisioned a huge fork the size of a battleship imbedded tines down at the bottom of the ocean as a way to remember “Deep Fork.” And it worked! I can remember doing that very clearly and I’ve remembered it every time I’ve driven over the Deep Fork river ever since.
But things just happen way too fast as you go about your daily life to be able to concoct outrageous scenarios for everything you might want to remember, plus such a method requires that you know in advance which things you’re going to want to remember at some later date and often you don’t know you’re going to want to remember something until some subsequent event or other memory makes you want to recall it. In Edith’s case I can’t imagine that she would have time to sufficiently concentrate on and commit to memory all the things that happen to her as they happen.
And it’s not like she’s just telling you about things that she happens to remember either. Some people think I have a good memory because I’ll bring up something they have no recollection of, but in reality I’m just remembering something they’ve forgotten. But I’ve forgotten lots of other stuff that they remember. We just remember different things. But Edith remembers it all and recalls it at the drop of a hat in response to unpredictable stimuli, as in the case of hearing about my niece’s boyfriend’s father who’d bought a car from her twenty years before. She popped out his name and details of their conversation and details about the car as though they’d just happened that day.
I’m not trying to be glib, and I know you’re trying to be helpful, but it sounds to me somewhat like you’re saying that it isn’t so much that she has a good memory, it’s just that she’s really effective at remembering things. Which to me is pretty much a distinction without a difference.
Well, as you say, she appears to have good balance if indeed there’s anything to require it. But she isn’t and has never been one to dwell on or live in the past. She’s always been a busy person with lots of irons in the fire, and even today she’s always reading magazines and newspapers, watching TV news programs and visiting with neighbors. She’s always up to date on current affairs, politics, tragedies, whatever, and can discuss any of them knowledgeably at the drop of a hat.
I knew a guy like that once, too. He worked for a very busy business dealing with past and prospective brides to the tune of hundreds of them per year. He could tell you at the drop of a hat what any of them had on order, what the status of their order was, and any other details you might need to know. And he wasn’t only like that on the job. He was like Edith and could remember virtually anything he experienced virtually forever and recall it at the drop of a hat. One day a former bride came in while I happened to be there with him. She’d gotten married two and half years previously and had brought in a friend who was going to be married soon. He walked up to the counter and said, “Cheryl! You cut your hair!” She just stood there with her mouth agape, “You mean you remember me?”, she said. “Yeah, sure I do.” he said. “You married so-and-so at such-and-such church, and so-and-so was your Best Man, and so-and-so was your Bride of Honor, and in April of 2002 I did their wedding at such-and-such other church!..So, how’ve you been?”
She was absolutely dumbfounded!
And again, he was like that in all the aspects of his life. And there simply wasn’t enough time between talking to one girl on the phone and another at the front counter and taking orders from brides and placing orders with suppliers and so forth to be able to dwell on and commit it all to long term memory. The company he worked for had trouble keeping other people because he made them feel so stupid, and not because he belittled them in any way but just because compared to him they felt like dumbasses, and rather than spend eight hours getting inferiority complexes they moved on to other jobs where people were more normal.
It seems some people just have the capacity to recall almost everything they experience, much like Annie-Xmas can do with her days, only they have that facility with their whole lives.
My Spanish friend: my sister was about fourteen, fifteen, I was about twelve, thirteen and my other sister was about eleven, twelve … story ensues. Then that other time when my sister was about eight or nine, I was about six or seven and my other sister was about … well you get the idea. She has to canter through this introduction why? because they are close in age and she’s not sure exactly how old everyone was at the time. I tried introducing the idea of ‘when we were kids’ but she’s not biting.
This thread has been very helpful. It’s reasuring to know there are annoying people everywhere.
How do you politely tell these people to STFU? They don’t have photographic memories (or eidetic memories, which sounds like Starving Artist’s aunt), they are just rattling on and on. One woman who does this definitely suffers from anxiety and depression so that may be her way of coping. But I’m not here to be a support group.
I’m not even sure that Starving Artist’s aunt’s memory is as good as everybody who knows her thinks it is. My mother’s stories of Long Ago are that detailed, but she’s very often wrong: sometimes about physical details, about who said what, about what was said, and specially about people’s motivations - but of course, only people who were there can tell she’s wrong (and tell her “Mom, you’re telling me my life and you’re telling it wrong!”); other people remark upon what an amazing memory she has.
Other than “Mom, you’re telling me my life and you’re telling it wrong”, there’s “Mom, is there a point to this or is it more of a plane? And is it Euclidean or non-?”; “Mom, you’ve told me this [N] times in [M time], I’m switching off now so say my name when I need to pay attention again” and “Mom, I’m sorry to say I couldn’t care less what you two ate and whether it may or may not affect your various illnesses, mind getting to the story?” One of my brothers once told her “Mom, when you tell ‘Hansel and Gretel’, by the time they leave home they’ve got grandchildren! Get to the point!”
So I guess no one is going to own up to being one of these people? Or maybe this is one of those things, like body odor and bad breath, that a person just can’t sense about themselves?
I don’t mean to turn this thread into a defense of my aunt’s memory, but I can tell you that she popped out the name of the father of my niece’s boyfriend readily enough after having spent only an hour or so with him twenty years before. And whenever she talks about anything whose existence I have personal knowledge of she’s always right on the money. Her perceptions of certain events can vary from that of others just like anyone’s can; we all take different things away from our experiences even when we experience the same things. And prior to his death five years ago my uncle was often present while she was reliving all these experiences and never once did I hear him contradict her, and if you knew him you’d know damn well he would have. He was quite the handful. Considerably Frank Sinatra-esque in both appearance and temperament. He would criticize her for how much she talked (to which she’d reply that she had a lot to say and a short time to say it in) but he never found fault with her recollection. None of the rest of us have ever had the nerve to confront her about it though, as she doesn’t take criticism well (although it was water off a duck’s back from him) and she’d be both crushed and resentful for the rest of her life were we ever to voice our complaints.
Having said that I don’t know why it seems so hard for people to fathom that her memory is legitimately as good as it is. Some people are just like that, my friend in the wedding business for one, and my doctor for another. He sees about 30 - 40 patients a day and can rattle off what medications and dosages he’s got just about any of them on at a moment’s notice. I’ve seen him do it whenever one of his nurses happens to field a call from a pharmacy where a patient is wanting a prescription renewed but doesn’t remember what the medicine is called or what the dosage is. He’ll rattle it off on the spot right out of his head. But then I’d expect a doctor to have to have a superb memory to learn and keep up with all they have to know.
Oh, I wouldn’t put it past me, at least with my husband. There are times when I simply don’t shut up and I natter on for a really long time. Usually when he’s sleepy. He hasn’t smothered me with my pillow yet, which is a damned miracle.
This is what I was thinking. While there are extremes, some of this just sounds like extrovert behavior or people that notice and need details to understand thing. It’s like how I prefer fiction that just tells me what’s happening, while some other people seem to prefer the kind that paints a scene.
Ahh yes, I have a couple of co-workers that like to tell these long, painful stories with such intricate detail I can’t hide my disdain. I am always friendly and polite, but AVOID asking them ANY question at all that could spark that chain of events that will lead me to stand there nodding for 45 minutes and pretending to be interested in every. boring. miniscule. detail of their day/life. My mom does this to a lesser degree (upon returning from a dinner out, I’ll have to hear about what they ordered and how much everything cost), and I never know what to say. “Oh, ok. That sounds nice”. AGHH. Glad this seems to be more common than I thought. I’ll also make a mental note to NEVER do this to someone! I’ll be glad I’m the quiet, brief talker
My Nigel does this. He’s a contractor and god forbid I ask him how his day was, I’ll get a blow by blow description of what he’s working on, complete with the dimensions, the material, what time he picked up the material, how annoyed he was by the people at Home Depot, how he proposes to install said material, how long it will take to install, on and on. I think he does it because he often works alone and doesn’t have anyone to talk to all day. Also, right now he really doesn’t have much of anything else going on in his life.
I was thinking I’d need to post to cop to this. You all can probably tell just by reading my posts (if you ever do - there’s a big tl;dr factor in them, I know). I do try to edit, I really do. When I’m talking, though, I’ll often catch myself droning on and on. Why? I’m not sure - maybe I’m uncomfortable with silence or maybe I lack a mental filter that other people have. Once I became aware that it was a tendency of mine, I became better at curbing it. Also, now that I’m working out among people, I think I’m better than I used to be when I was alone most of the time. The novelty factor of having someone around to listen to me has subsided.
It’s kind of horrifying to realize you’re doing this. I appreciate it when someone lets me know, subtly or not, that I’m monopolizing the conversation and risking boring them to death.
There was one lady I worked with that was like this, but it wasn’t always current events. And some of the stories she told, holy cow! My OWN memory sucks donkey butt, but I wish I’d written down some of her tales. She was a Mexican mafia wife for several decades, grew up thinking bodyguards 24/7 were normal, kids escorted to school all the time. Interesting stuff. And when she’s on the phone or talking business, she is 100 percent ‘all there’, totally competant and good at what she does. But as soon as something ‘important’ isn’t engaging her attention, she wanders off into la-la land, and yeah, it could get quite annoying.
(Not her memories, just her ability to recall things.)
