I use AIM Triton to keep in contact with friends and generally leave it running whenever I leave my computer on, just with an away message up. I find IM sounds annoying, though, and so have turned them all off. If I should go to sleep without turning my computer off for some reason, I turn off the monitor and speakers to make the room darker and to ensure that no sounds will wake me up.
This morning at a much earlier hour than usual I got onto my computer and took off my away message on AIM Triton. A few minutes later one of my friends took off her away message and complained about how early it was. I agreed it was quite early and asked why she was up at this hour, since I know she normally sleeps in.
Apparently, she has a special “alert” sound on her computer for when I become available on AIM. She leaves her laptop on and the sound turned up, so that it wakes her up when I’m online. :eek:
I told her that was kind of creepy, but she denied that it was. So, opinions please? Am I overreacting or is that really, really weird?
I don’t think the alert is too odd if you are good friends and if it isn’t just you that she has an alert for. I have alerts for a couple of my close friends. I never have my AIM window maximized and I like to know when they get on. I don’t talk to them every time they’re online, but it’s nice to know when the option is there.
The bit about her leaving the volume up just so she can hear when you get online, even if she is asleep, is weird. I hope for your sake that there was a communication issue and she meant to say that she had this alert and also happened to have her computer’s volume turned up, as two seperate things, so it woke her up when you got online.
When my life was more exciting I used to fall asleep at my desk (I work at home) and leave my IM sounds on so I knew if any of my co-workers were trying to talk to me
Anyway…are you sure she means that it is SUPPOSED to wake her up when you come online, or it just DOES because she has sounds on and she is sleeping?
Yeah, that would be the critical factor in whether it’s weird or not, to me. It also makes a big difference if you’ve been good friends for years vs. being casual acquaintances.
We’ve been friends for many years and, yes, she is a bit clingy. I guess I just didn’t grasp how clingy she is, though. I asked and she does, indeed, leave the volume up so that she will know everytime I’m online and available. I’m the only one who gets some sort of special alert sound when I sign onto AIM, so it isn’t something she does for all of her other friends, either. I’m all for people being eager to speak to me, but this just went a bit beyond normal.
Do you have an option in the IM program to always appear as offline when you sign in? Stealth mode, as it were. MSN has one. That way, you can go online whenever you like, and if you want her to see that you’re on, you can change the setting.
When you’re messaging, sometimes it is tough to read someone’s tone. Maybe she only mentioned she was woken up because you asked her why she was online, and maybe she was lamenting your having to be awake so early?
I’m sure that was more of a conversation starter than anything else until he called her out on suddenly being awake when he was.
But yeah, if it’s that specific it’s a bit creepy. Hell, even if you were dating it’d be a bit out of line. That said, I guess if you’re interested in her you know she’s interested in you :p.
On a slightly more serious note though, if it really does bother you I’d block/invis yourself to her and then only talk when you feel like it.
I think she might like me in “that way,” however I’m female and don’t find her attractive.
She didn’t seem to be complaining about the early hour in an accusatory way. It was still really weird, but she didn’t get mad at me for daring to be online before she was ready to be up or anything. I’ve known her for about eight years now and we used to be roommates, so even in text I can generally read her moods pretty good.
But somebody getting up and wandering into the kitchen when I’m making breakfast doesn’t seem quite so odd as setting her computer up in such a way that it will wake her up as soon as I’m available.
As far as I know, AIM Triton doesn’t have a feature where I can log in as invisible. I thought I had to get online first, and then become invisible, so everyone can see me disappear. If I’m wrong and somebody can correct me, though, I’d be quite grateful.
Does she live alone now? You haven’t said that she’s expecting you to IM her all the time, just that she likes knowing when your online, so it sounds like the alert is the electronic version of, as you said, wandering into the kitchen when you’re making breakfast. So I’m wondering if she’s just lonely, and uses IM to feel more connected to the world. As for why she picked you of all her friends, well, it sounds like you’re online a lot so that might be part of it. Just a thought. I’m also thinking that she doesn’t intend to wake up when you get online, its just a consequence of how she has things set up.
Good point, sugar and spice. I’m still not sure I like the responsibility of being quite that important as to affect someone’s sleeping schedule when I no longer live with her, but I’ve gotten over my initial “WTF?!” reaction. I just hope if I randomly get online at 3 AM she doesn’t actually get upset with me now.
I did something similar with a guy (platonic relationship, I’m female) back when I used ICQ. It’s been years since this happened so I forget the mechanics and why I did this, but for some reason it was important to put at least one super-chatty person on “I’m invisible” status because I really, really needed to get some stuff done but wanted one or two other people to talk to me ASAP if they came online. I did that for 20 minutes. Anyway, what it comes down to is that Super-Chatty Guy for some reason logged in under an alternate login during that time, and saw that I was actually online. He freaking flipped out on me. Completely lost it, was raging at me about how dare I do that, blah blah blah. I was so stunned that I was actually kind of scared, especially when he didn’t care at all about my honest explanation, so I think I apologized (not that I meant it) for offending him, and pretty much ended up quitting using ICQ.
Anyway, having a special “online now” tone for someone at least indicates that person thinks you’re more special than the average other IM friend. Actually setting it up so that it will wake her up so she can talk to you is at least kinda weird - at the very least I would think there are some social/emotional issues (the “feeling connected to the world” comment is at the bare minimum the start), at worst I’d be thinking “stalker!!” I’d advise caution and checking out if there’s any other weird behavior.
I can be bitchy enough that I’d be tempted to discourage this behavior by seeing if I could find a program that would randomly log me in and out at all hours, then claim ignorance of why it’s “bugged”, or just stay logged in 24-7, but that’s definitely mean. Maybe a few random logins from you at odd hours would encourage a more moderate approach to her IM monitoring, at least.
Maybe a few random logins from you at odd hours would encourage a more moderate approach to her IM monitoring, at least.