I feel like this is one of those where you had to be there. You just have to be able to read your audience. If she was setting it up and this sort of banter is common between the two of you, then it’s cool. Maybe the guy that was with you was unaware of the relationship?
Sounds like a joke between friends.
I would wager anyone who found it offensive is really, really, really, really lame.
I have a coworker who has a good sense of humor about being Black and female. Our rapport is generally very professional but sometimes we will sink to racial and/or gender-based humor just to be human for a while. Basically, I play stuffy WASP trying to talk negro, and she comes back as an inner city sistah taunting me with the bounty of booty, fried chickens and watermelons. It’s all good, we check with each other all the time to make sure it stays good. But outsiders sometimes feel like they’ve witnessed occupational suicide if they walk into a joke. I wonder if that’s what happened to your friend?
I don’t understand why this is a question.
You and Jane flirt all the time.
She appears to be making it clear she’s setting up a joke.
You wink theatrically making it clear you are joking in your reply.
Her immediate reaction is to laugh suggesting she took it as a joke and wasn’t in any way offended.
The situation as described seems to be two friends joking. It’s a modest double entendre. I think the world would be a sadder place if an exchange as mild as that was deemed unacceptable.
TCMF-2L
I know plenty of black people, male and female, who would do exactly that, among friends at least. Hell, I would.
Dorkus Malorkus
“If it makes a difference, me and said girl flirt all the time. (Although we never actually mean anything by it. We messing with each other.)”
Makes it extra okay, but it’s okay either way, only way it would be wrong is if the person had previously told you she was uncomfortable and to knock it off.
"Me: Hey Jane, what’s that you got there? [She was holding a box in her arms.]
Jane: A box of chocolates. Do you want one? Are you a chocolate lover Shakes?
Me: Yes of course! I love anything sweet and brown."
“Anything” is the only way the joke works. Ostensibly they are still talking about chocolate. That’s the joke.
It goes both ways.
But there are all kinds of things that aren’t acceptable in the workplace – it’s not making the whole world sadder.
I would have walked away just shaking my head.
You should have answered:
I like my woman like I like my coffee…
ground up and in the freezer.
Skin color is one of of the most obvious characteristics of a new person, and one of the first things that I notice about a new person - is this a problem?
If all of you knew each other very well, and everyone knew you have a reputation for this kind of humor, it was a tad inappropriate in an office setting. If just one of the people in this group was unknown to you, it was sexist, racist and offensive. If there was any chance someone not part of this group could inadvertently overhear this conversation, very bad for your job.
I say this cuz after 30 years on and off in federal civil rights issues, this country is regressing in breaking down barriers. A sad state of affairs we cannot be friends and make fun of the artificial barriers among us. Too many today have become hyper-sensitive and willing to complain, not to move us all forward, but for personal gain at the expense of everyone else.
I think the actual joke would happen when the camera cuts to the girls walking away and Jane turns to her friends and says, “Cracker.”
But from the sound of things that didn’t happen.
You shouldn’t have winked, you should have blushed. Then it would have been adorable.
We have an attractive black girl at work who’s nickname is “hot chocolate”. I notice black people among themselves, tend to be pretty relaxed when it comes to sexually laced banter.
However unless your black yourself or in good with them I’d be careful about saying it.
If “You’re a pretty chocolate lady” is the first thing that comes out of your mouth when you see someone, then you might want to come up with a better line.
Otherwise, no, there’s no problem if skin color is the first thing you notice. Just keep it to yourself is all I’m saying.
The aforementioned coworker does the “brown sugar” stuff with me. I don’t flirt with him (I don’t have a flirting bone in my body). I am not the color of brown sugar (more like turbinado). I am frequently conscious of both my racial and gender minority status. For these reasons, I wish he’d joke around with me in a different way. But my irritation has never to risen the level where I felt like I had to go to HR. This doesn’t make me “cool”, though. Just someone who hates dealing with HR.
So that’s another thing the OP needs to remember. Even if no one has ever gotten in trouble doesn’t mean that everyone appreciates that kind of humor. And it’s easy to mistake a polite laugh for a genuine laugh. My coworker thinks he’s a comedian since everyone is always laughing at his jokes. But he doesn’t know that sometimes I inwardly groan when I bump into him in the hallway, because I know he’s going to say something borderline inappropriate to me. I’m guessing (hoping?) the OP is a lot cooler than this guy, though.
Would you say the same about a woman with large breasts?
Well, I think the unspoken rule at my job is if you don’t initiate, you’re not going to get flirted with. At least that’s MY rule and I’m pretty sure everyone else lives by that rule too but I can’t say for certain.
It’s also worth noting I work in manufacturing, I’d venture a guess that the culture here is way different than say a cubicle farm.
Nm