A huge HUGE number of threads in this forum seem to be individuals asking whether something is strange for another person to do, or if they should be worried about something, or if it’s appropriate or normal for something to be done, or not done.
I very rarely participate in these threads becuase my answer each and every time is always “what do YOU think?”. I understand wanting to get a second opinion in a situation where one is genuinely unsure about what to do, the “should I/shouldn’t I?” type threads. But to ask, for a made up example “is it normal for adult children to kiss their parents on the mouth?”. There can’t be a right answer to this. If you don’t want to kiss your parents on the mouth, don’t. If you do, do. Why does it need to be more complicated than that? Wondering about third parties doing things that don’t directly involve you seems like a very strange thing to spend mental energy worrying about.
I think threads like that are just a way for us monkeys to determine if other monkeys are likely to throw poop at us for doing (or telling them we do) whatever.
I’m much more bothered by the threads asking whether a certain course of action in a certain situation is “morally correct” or not. The OPs of those threads often ask the question (and then others often answerit ) as if there were some objective meaning to the question. But the threads you describe avoid that complaint by just asking for others’ opinions based on their experiences.
Humans are by far the most interesting thing most of us encounter in our lives. They certainly have more scope for novel behavior than, say, a rock or the Moon or a dog.
As such, doing, watching, & reacting to all that human novelty around us is bog-standard human behavior. if you (any you) decide to spend your short time on this rock thinking only of yourself, dogs, and trees, well you’re missing out on almost everything life as a social creature has to offer.
One of the amazing things about the SDMB is we can ask the questions that social convention & politeness prevent us from asking in the meat world. And we get fairly honest answers also largely free from the editorial effects of embarrasment. To reference a recent thread, can you imagine asking your extended family, coworkers, or neighbors whether they have any difficulty shitting in public? But here it’s no problem.
And here we can encounter people far more varied in life experience, ethnic background, social class, geographic location, etc., than we could in an ordinary lifetime. All these things contribute to a more complete, valid, and nuanced understanding of what “normal” or “acceptable” human behavior is.
I’ll second Rand Rover’s point that while it’s interesting to learn what the spectrum of answers is to such questions, it’s disheartening to see the number of people who desparately want to believe there is one best answer for all people in all places. And who believe they have that one best answer.
I was including those kinds of questions in my OP, although clearly I didn’t make it explicit enough. Yes, you’re indeed correct that they’re even less understandable. Putting questions in the form of “is it right to play computer games all weekend?” is just ridiculous, it’s not a moral question.
Whilst I understand what you’re saying, I don’t agree. Why can we not simply agree that what we wish to do (as long as it isn’t harming someone else) is what is acceptable? Why should we care about the opinions of others? I’m not being rhetorical here, I genuinely don’t get why it matters to people beyond needing to control the perceptions of others to make sure they treat you positively.
It’s the point of this forum
What’s wrong with being curious about where your opinion on something sits compared to the masses?
When people ask “is it right to do this” they are really asking “Do you think it’s right to do this”, and why should they care about anyone’s opinion about that more or less than they care about people’s opinion about anything?
You could have posted a thread, “is it weird to not care about the opinions of others about things”, but you wouldn’t, because you don’t care if people think it’s weird… but if you did post that thread, some people would say no and some would say yes. And if you cared about those opinions you would be interested in them, and if you didn’t, then you wouldn’t.
That’s not what it is at all. I love those threads for the exact same reason I love to watch documentaries about strange cultures. People are interesting. The different ways that people see the world, the different unstated assumptions that motivate people, are especially interesting. Furthermore, when I participate in those threads, I examine and come to better understand my own unstated assumptions and perceptions.
To me, “why are you interested in how other families kiss?” is as weird a question as “why are you interested in how humpback whales migrate?” or “why are you interested in Roman history?” or “why are you interested in how a steamboat works?” I’m interested because the world is an interesting place, and I want to understand as much of it as possible during my brief tenure.
I agree with most of what LSLGuy, Bootis and Manda JO say. I will take exception to RR’s idea that there is no such thing as morality. For many questions, certainly, there is no moral quality. But I do believe that there is a natural morality rooted in the facts of our existence and logic, that most people have some innate sense of this, and that we can discover and refine it, in part, by talking about it.
Isn’t this thread kind of in the spirit of the type of threads it is criticizing? I mean, the OP is pointing out that it is abnormal to worry about whether or not a particular behavior is abnormal.
Because society doesn’t work that way. It would be very, very nice if you could do whatever and nobody would care, and most people act like that is the case for many things and are no worse for the wear. But there are some things that are outside the norm in such a way that is causes stigmas that can actually harm your relationships with other people, make it harder to get or keep a job, make it harder to network or be in public places for long etc. In these cases it makes sense to ask before you end up damaging your life, or can run interference on someone who may not know better. In a perfect world I don’t think we’d really have to ask these questions, but unfortunately society is rather judgmental and even if you SHOULD be able to do something, you may want to reconsider it anyway.