Is this reason for not wearing makeup irrational?

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
41

Opal, I don’t know you, and I don’t think I’ve ever exchanged posts with you. And I think you are noticeably pretty. Not gorgeous, maybe, but who is?

When I first moved to Dallas from Chicago, I found myself noticing how many more beautiful women there were here than there. It puzzled me for a while–why would beautiful women tend to congregate in one metropolitan area than another? I finally narrowed it down to two factors, one geographical and one cultural. The geographical factor is the proximity to Mexico and Central America, which results in a larger concentration of Hispanics, whom I find unaccountably attractive. The other is a widespread tendency for women here to make efforts to look as good as they can, however good that is.

Up north, I find that many women have your attitude-“I can’t look really good, so why even bother?” But here, it seems like most women make an effort to use makeup, hairstyles, and clothing that help them look as good as they can. And the result is that there are a multitude of lovely ladies in this city, who wouldn’t be lovely with the northern attitude, because they wouldn’t try to be.

When you’re wearing makeup (and wearing a hairstyle and clothing that are flattering to your face and figure), nobody will wonder who you’re trying to fool. Well, nobody who isn’t as shallow as a wading pool. Most people will notice that you’re someone who cares about her appearance. And more people than you might think will notice that you’re kinda pretty. :wink:

42

Opal, Wear makeup because you want to, not because of what someone else says.

Besides, with as much skill as you weild with it, it really does look good. Even your outrageous over-the-top makeup is applied with enough skill to look nice.

Oh, and as for the new pic of you w/ makeup. I’m not trying to say this out of charity or anything, but I truly do think you look nice with it, and you have the most beautiful eyes, especially set off like that.

Depression is a terrible thing, and the way it can warp ones own self image is saddening. One of the girls I work with, in all honesty, probably weighs considerably more than you, but it is really cool to see her wearing makeup because she, like you, puts it on in a skillfull manner, and it really does look good. My thought is not one of “Who is she trying to fool.” but, “Wow, you look really good today.” The newest pic you showed, (they were all cool, especially the marker one) Instantly drew me to your eyes, and believe me, the rest of the face is also very pretty. A nice facial feature is a nice facial feature, regardless of size.

When I think negatively of makeup, is when it is applied in a clownish manner. And by that, I do not mean over the top either, but when it is applied in such a manner so as to make someone look like some strange alien mutation. Trust me, you look absolutely nothing like that, I know, I’ve seen bad makeup before.

43

Just for fun, I did this.

Eye Comparison

In case you are wondering… the other two sets of eyes are Niki Taylor, and Claudia Schiffer.

I think in that example, you have the winning set. Not a bad set of people to beat out. :slight_smile:

44

I have a psychiatrist that I see regularly. I don’t feel especially depressed, though I’ve been a little melancholy lately. As for the other… I will never be in a mental hospital again. I’d rather die.

45

I guess I do have to admit that I have quite a winning smile

flee

46

If you don’t want to check yourself into a hospital (and anyone who checks herself in has the right to check herself right out at any moment), I can understand. But please keep seeing the psychiatrist and do as he says.

As for you not feeling especially depressed, well, you know you best (except for looks, that is). But your posts (especially the OP) speak a different tale. Keep in mind that that is not healthy, and that it frightens me so badly I could cry.

I’d rather cry than lose you.

Take care of yourself, and that means keeping yourself happy.

47

My psychiatrist (female, btw) is probably the best one I’ve had. The medications she has me on now are working better than any have in the past.

Trust me that I know what depression feels like. Do I ever. And this isn’t “neglecting personal care”… I haven’t worn makeup regularly in 5 years. I still bathe and brush my teeth and stuff :slight_smile: And you are right… that is a big warning sign. I’ve gone as long as a month without a bath or shower in the past when I’ve been depressed. I’m not doing that now. I also don’t feel worthless, just ugly :slight_smile: And this isn’t a new feeling that I’m suddenly feeling. It’s just that I got to thinking the other day… why don’t I wear makeup anymore? And for the first time I really put words to the way I feel about it. It touches me more than you know to know that you care. Don’t worry about me, though. I’m not in a self-offin’ kinda way and I haven’t been anytime recently. I just feel like an idiot wearing makeup anymore.

48

Excellent analogy. My problem is that I’m having a hard time associating myself more with the first and less with the second example. I feel more like the second.

49

I’ve felt the same way, but I’ve learned taking a little care of me makes me feel better. Even if it’s a little thing like a pedicure, I know I am not completely giving in. I was also of the same mindset wondering what would people think if I did…whatever. Then I realized I wasn’t doing much of anything I wanted to do and that sure as hell wasn’t living.

If it makes you feel good and makes use of your talent, then hit the makeup counter for a new lipstick and call it part of the healing process. It makes me feel sad to know anyone has felt the same way I have, so hurry up and feel better, ok?

50

Just reading the OP.

I (male) don’t really care for makeup on girls. It not only has the ‘who’s she trying to fool’ look but also it’s hiding the person. It’s ok once in a while - nail polish can be nice once in a while but IMHO no reason to overdo it.

My wife rarely uses makeup and I like how she looks better w/o it then the few times she wore it. During our wedding her friend who sold maryK was the unofficial brides maid. She piled so much gunk on her that she looked like a different person. I felt like takign a damp towel and just cleanign her face off (which I think she would have liked - not being a big makeup person herself) but due to near freezing tempatures and lack of a towel or any liquid water I didn’t do that.

51

I’m overweight, and I never wear makeup. I decided early on that it was not for me. It’s not because I don’t feel that I “deserve” it or anything. It was more a negative reaction from watching other girls/women through high school or college who were positively addicted to the stuff.

I have known several beautiful women who vehemently, honestly said that they would never leave the house without makeup. I just think that holding oneself hostage to what other people might think about seeing you is just tragic and obscene. The makeup industry and the diet industry have just infiltrated our thoughts too much to make us feel that we are not fit to be seen by others unless we have the perfectly toned skin or perfect body.

I don’t wear makeup. This is my face. If you don’t like it, that’s YOUR problem. I happen to like myself just fine, and I don’t owe it to anyone else to change my appearance for their skewed sense of aesthetics.

But that’s a very important point. Why should you give a rat’s ass about what judgemental strangers think? The part of you that matters is not what is visible in and around a pair of sweatpants and a sweatshirt. The only people whose opinion should matter to you are the people you genuinely care about, and yourself. Does the opinion of a pimple-pocked 16 year old at the grocery store who says “Look at the fat chick” honestly outweigh the judgement of your husband or friends?

You know, if you’re used to artfully applied makeup and nice clothes, you WILL look comparatively frumpy un-made up and in slouchy clothes. But it seems that you dislike yourself so much when overweight that you won’t give yourself permission to make yourself feel better. That’s very sad.

52

If anything, Opal, you’ll feel better if you fix yourself up. If you don’t make the effort, and just dress in any old thing, that will make you feel worse.

If you’re feeling weird by wearing make up, maybe just put a little bit on at a time-like sheer lip gloss with a little tint to it, and some clear mascara.

53

k2dave: this isn’t really a thread about whether or not you like makeup on women.

54

I won’t wear lipgloss. It makes you look like you are drooling. Gross.

55

I already addressed this in another post, but to recap: it’s largely about first impressions. It’s also about people who already know you (friends included) as not wearing makeup, to suddenly start would make them think “why the change? Surely she can’t think that she looks GOOD now!?”

56

I’m told that in some hospital circles (most commonly in the maternity ward) , the staff will comment that “She’s Revlon positive again” about women patients when the patient is finally feeling good enough to start caring what she looks like enough to put her makeup on.

If you started out of the blue wearing makeup again, I could see friends and acquaintances reading it as a positive sign that your self-esteem is improving, and you choose to present your best face to the world.

Wear makeup, or don’t wear makeup, based upon what YOU want to do. Don’t worry about (possibly) catty thoughts by other people.

And, not meaning this to be a snarky comment, but a genuine question — are you this judgemental about other overweight people, or do you reserve this harsh treatment for yourself? Do you look at a fat woman who has actually been able to find an attractive outfit, and has done her hair well and is well-made-up, and think “She looks nice and professional (or attractive)” or do you just sniff “Who the hell does she think SHE’S fooling? She’s still a fat slob.” Would it make a difference to you if you knew the person and liked her?
(Regarding the lip gloss comment: I’ve heard it that lip gloss look described as looking as if you’ve just eaten a possum ---- even grosser!)

57

Normal amounts of makeup on people of any size don’t attract my attention, but when I see an overweight woman with it piled on, I do tend to think that they are trying to overcompensate.

It would attract my attention, however, if someone I’d known for a while suddenly started wearing makeup. I don’t think I’d connect it to their weight, but I can’t disassociate that feeling when I turn it around the other way :confused:

58

I may see where you’re coming from, in part. I typically wear jeans or sweatpants (in winter), or shorts (in summer) when I go to work, and in normal life. When I have to meet with a client, however, I do dress up, and occasionally wear a dress. This always brings on all sorts of comments (“Oh my God! She’s wearing a dress!” “Look, she’s got legs!”) which I find to be sort of obnoxious, but I get over it. I think the comments are actually intended to be a compliment and expressing approval, albeit in a lame sort of way.

Yes, I normally don’t bother getting all dressed up for work, but I do clean up pretty good when I care to do so. It’s my right to do so when I choose.

It’s your right to “clean up good” when you feel like it. You obviously have the skill to apply makeup without using a trowel (which I agree looks pitiable, in a woman of any weight), so I would feel free to use that skill if you wished. Or not. If you feel it makes you look better than you do without it at the weight you are right now, why not use it?

Again, I’ll go back to harp on my original point: I don’t think you’d deny using make-up (skillfully applied) to another overweight woman; you’re saving your harsh judgement for yourself.

Want to know why I think I have an easier time dealing with this than you? I’ve seen from other posts that you have a past of being slim and beautiful, so that you now have difficulty accepting that you’re now overweight, but still beautiful. I’ve never had that perspective. I have been overweight since the age of about 6. I don’t have a “beautiful past” that I can look back and compare myself to, and beat myself up over leaving behind. Instead, I grew up listening to society’s messages about how awful being fat is, and have people drive by and yell “Go to hell, you fat bitch” as I walked down the street. (In case you haven’t noticed, there is a cretin’s handbook, and it does require that they use the term “you fat bitch” when yelling epithets.) I could have listened to that crap, and driven myself to utter despair and lack of self-esteem at this point, or I could identify it as the BS that it is, invalidate it, and get on with my life. I highly recommend the latter.

By the way, every woman is going to have to deal with that “beautiful past” image problem at some point, as women are only considered beautiful when they’re young. It’s our ongoing task to prove (to ourselves, and others) that a woman’s value is based on far more than having a teenager’s face and body, and to believe it in our hearts.

59

So don’t pile it on. Wear an appropriate amount. Judging from the pics, you obviously know what you’re doing with the stuff. And despite what you seem to think, you’re not bad-looking.

Wear, don’t wear, it’s up to you. But don’t worry about what strangers think–most of them are probably assholes anyway. :wink:

60

Is that what you would think if you saw an overweight woman that you knew start to wear make-up?