Here’s one that I hesitated a while over telling until I realized that there is one ethnic group it is always safe to insult.
How many white supremacists does it take to change a light bulb?
3. One to hold the bulb and two to turn the ladder.
Surprised this one hasn’t been posted yet (bits of it have), it’s been around awhile:
Heisenberg, Schrodinger and Ohm are in a car.
They get pulled over. Heisenberg is driving and the cop asks him “Do you know how fast you were going?”
“No, but I know exactly where I am” Heisenberg replies.
The cop says “You were doing 55 in a 35.” Heisenberg throws up his hands and shouts “Great! Now I’m lost!”
The cop thinks this is suspicious and orders him to pop open the trunk. He checks it out and says “Do you know you have a dead cat back here?”
“We do now, asshole!” shouts Schrodinger.
The cop moves to arrest them. Ohm resists.
I laughed out loud.
Now, to find someone I can repeat it to…
When the king went to meet the leaders of the pedants’ revolt, he was surprised at the size of the crowd. “I thought there would be less of you” he said. Which Tyler replied, “fewer.”