Well, if he’s thinking of me, how could it be cheating?
Maybe he’s thinking of that bimbo that filled his tank this morning at the Q8 station. Right? There’s no way of knowing that.
How many of you out there ever daydream about being rich, owning a castle in Scotland, driving a brand new Mercedes, something along those lines? How many of you have ever sat at work, thinking about quitting your job and becomming a forest ranger, a Air Force fighter pilot, an international spy? How many of you have watched action movies or sci-fi movies and saw all of the excitement and thought that you’d like to live like that, if only for a moment? I sure have.
I have a great life. I have a good job, a great relationship with a woman I love, two beautiful little girls (one mine, one hers) and people around me who care about me. I’m planning on being with my GF for a while. We’re looking into buying a house. This also means I’m going to be in this town, at this job, etc. for several, maybe many years. I’m happy and excited by the idea (which comes as a bit of a surprise for me).
I still sit down to watch a John Woo film from time to time, momentarily dreaming of a gun in each hand and a hundred bad guys around me for target practice. I also still fantasize about sexual encounters with other women… sometimes many other women.
Does this mean I don’t find my GF sexually satisfying? Not at all, any more than dreaming that I’m James Bond makes the rest of my life unsatisfactory.
I’m in a monogomous relationship, which means I’ve given up my right to physical satisfaction with someone other than my GF or myself. That’s an incredible gift that we give each other. I will not give up my fantasies, even those aided by pornography, erotica, etc. any more than I’m going to stop watching movies or reading books.
I disagree. First off, I don’t think watching porn is a problem. But if it was, indeed if your first reaction to a problem in your relationship is: “What’s wrong with me? Am I not good enough?”, well then, that sounds like low self-esteem to me. Why assume the problem is with you? Why the immediate jump to a position where you aren’t good enough?
If porn is enhancing my sex life, it’s ok. Porn has enhanced my sex life from time to time. It’s something that we’re both sharing and enjoying.
If he’s watching porn instead of engaging in our sex life, well, it doesn’t quite fall within my definition of cheating, but I would feel somewhat betrayed. Mind you, I consider anything that takes away from my sex life a bit of a betrayal. When we first got the internet, my SO would spend all night surfing message boards instead of coming to bed with me. My sex life suffered, and I was jealous of the computer.
Regarding cybersex, I consider that cheating. It’s the active participation that I object to. Viewing pornography is a rather passive activity. Having phone or cyber sex is a mutual sexual activity with another person.