Is viewing porn cheating?

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

Just read the Unauthorized Erection thread and came accross a claim that watching porn is cheating on one’s SO. Actually it was a quote supporting an out-of-touch female writer who ranks lowly IMHO, however let’s not digress.

I replied on the subject but I feel my 2am brain didn’t get my point accross so I thought I’d give my 3am brain a turn and try to head off any on-going argument on the subject.

In fact, I’ll try to have the whole argument now and save repeated posting.
dpr: So can someone explain to me exactly how viewing porn can be considered cheating?

CMP: Well… you’re WATCHING another person having sex

IW: No, it’s because they’re THINKING about having sex with another person

dpr: Okay - apart from the fact that they’re THINKING rather than HAVING - what’s wrong with thinking about different sex?

IW: Well they’re being unfaithful to their partner.

dpr: by having a fantasy about someone else?

CMP: Exactly!

IW: yes

dpr: so having a fantasy about someone else is cheating?

CMP: yes

dpr: even if it’s not a realistic fantasy

IW: if you’re thinking about it you must want it to happen

*dpr leaves THAT line alone tho’ he disagrees with it strongly *

CMP: You’re thinking about someone else so therefore you’re cheating

dpr: so it’s the thought that counts huh?

CMP nods

dpr: so if CMP watches a porn video CMP then he’d be cheating on his girlfriend?

IW: yes

dpr: so if you read a romance novel IW then you’re cheating on your boyfriend?

IW: What? No!!

IW: Romance novels aren’t anything like porn!!

CMP: You mean the raunchy romance novels?

dpr: them too but not just them.

CMP: You’re being stupid

dpr: Romance novels inspire a response in women. They give them what they crave (just as porn gives men what they think about and want).

IW: You can’t compare two people having sex to a love story

dpr: Why not? Generally speaking, one is a man’s dream and the other is a woman’s dream. And usually neither is very realistic in mainstream production :wink:

CMP: You make all us men sound like sex-starved animals. I’m not like that.

CMP is now know as GWPSTGW in dpr’s mind

dpr: attractive women don’t turn you on or at least catch your eye

GWPSTGW: well yes but I’m not watching them have sex

dpr: perhaps not but you’re finding them attractive and probably thinking about some sort of interaction with them. Even if you just admire a fully clothed woman in the street you’re cheating by your definition

IW: Reading a romance novel doesn’t make me want to cheat on my boyfriend

dpr: But it conjures up lovely images and scenarios that are enjoyable doesn’t it?

IW: yes

dpr: so you’re thinking about being swept off your feet in a romantic location by some dark stranger?

IW: But it’s not real life

dpr pulls quote: {IW: if you’re thinking about it you must want it to happen}

dpr: and anyway: porn is real life???
at this point IW goes off in a sulk knowing I’m wrong while GWPSTGW will rant about my obvious bastardom and “objectification of the female form” and lack of respect for the fairer, gentler sex and I will probably end up questioning his masculinity either directly or indirectly (probably both).

Call out the thought police already.

1946: Freddie Mercury born, On opening day for Baseball in Boston with the Braves vs. the Brooklyn Dodgers, the newly painted seats had not yet dried when guests seated themselves. The Braves management picked up the cleaning tab for all, Bikini makes its debut, Ho Chi Minh was ‘elected’ president of the Democratic Republic of Vietnam, Weight Watchers was formed, A patent was filed in U.S. for H-bomb, Bill Clinton born, The Frank Capra film "It's A Wonderful Life" screens, Chemist H.B. Parmele reported to his superiors at Lorillard Tobacco Co. that: "Certain scientists and medical authorities have claimed for many years that the use of tobacco contributes to cancer development in susceptible people. Just enough evidence has been presented to justify the possibility of such a presumption."
2

dpr - I don’t know how this thread’s gonna go, but I’m taking your side in this fight. I always take the side of the person making up the whole argument because he is bound to win. :wink:

Aside from that I also agree with your position - watching porn is not cheating. I think I can comfortably state that my wife is also on your side. And if she’s not, I’ll just have to take away her porn.

3

If watching porn is cheating, then watching a football match is being an athlete.

Is this a poll or a debate, dpr? Just so I know what forum to move it to :wink:

4

Well because I conducted the whole argument and then shared it, it would be a mundane pointless thing I, for some reason, shared. And since we don’t have a MPTIFSRS forum how about we say MPSIMS is close enough?

:wink:

1947: In New Mexico the Roswell Daily Record reported the military's capture of a flying saucer (the Roswell Incident). Officials later called the debris a "harmless, high-altitude weather balloon, Edwin H. Land publicly demonstrated his Polaroid Land camera which could produce a black-and-white photograph in 60 seconds, Henry Ford died, penicillin became available, Thor Heyerdahl and the Kon-Tiki cross the Pacific Ocean in 101 days, OJ Simpson born, India gained independence, Yeager breaks the sound barrier, a year after France declared martial law in IndoChina(Vietnam) launched an operation against Vietcong, The Hewlett-Packard Company was incorporated, the Ferrari automobile began to be manufactured
5

ROTFLMAO

Have you ever read any of those romance novels? Especially the bodice-busters? Boy, some of those are EASILY as explicitly written as anything you’d find in Penthouse Letters or stuff like that.

This little contradiction has always made me laugh, when it didn’t piss me off. All those little old ladies picketing 7-11 to get the raunchy mags OFF the shelves (not just out of sight), and then they go home and read bodice-busters …

BTW - wanna borrow one? Very inspirational, some of them.

Tisiphone

6

Porn isn’t cheating on your SO. Cheating is cheating on your SO.

Any attraction/fantasy/whatever up to that point should probably be discussed with your SO, but there is a huge difference between pictures/books and real life. Feeling threatened by your partner’s imagination is pretty stupid if you ask me.

Of course, maybe if I understood the attraction porn has I’d be worried. As it is, pictures don’t do much for me.

7

Yeah, I thought this seemed somewhat Great Debate-ish.

For the sake of being Devil’s Advocate…

Viewing porn is not cheating. However that isn’t to say that pornography cannot present other problems in committed relationships, or more to the point, on a person’s psyche. One can become “addicted” to porn, which can put unrealistic expectaions of relationships into play. Pornography, in my opinion, is a relatively harmless side-dish, in moderation. It can also make for an exciting night when shared with your loved one - as long as one does not become dependant upon it for one’s excitement.

So, in response to the lenghty and a bit confusing OP: no, viewing pornography is not cheating, but that doesn’t make it completely harmless either. … discuss.

8

Cheating is cheating. Plain and simple. By definition, according to Webster:

So, is it unfaithful to watch other’s enjoying or simulating the enjoyment of sex and/or reading about it?

So, unfaithfullness, as in not being loyal, or firm in adhering to a promise, I can see is unjust in a relationship, and that I would consider cheating. Did any couples ever make a promise to not watch porn or read trashy romance novels? Is the enjoyment of others stimulating or promoting sexual thoughts somehow unbinding? If one hasn’t actually physically sexually encountered someone other than their SO, where then is the broken promise or lack of assurance? If they do actually love each other, and still love each other while having sex, or watching, or reading about sex, have they broken any bonds? What about role playing with each other? Are they cheating on each other while having sex with each other?

I agree with dpr, watching porn and reading trashy novels is not cheating.

IMO;)

9

I sorta feel like I started this, so let me say

I DO NOT THINK VIEWING PORN IS CHEATING

My thread was more a commentary on out-of-sync libidos than anything else. BTW My hubby and I have a very healthy. . uhm relationship. He is sexy, loving, giving, considerate and imaginative and our lovemaking is very satisfying, very, very satisfying. I guess my point was once I’ve been satisfied, I’m no longer interested in watching porn but men OTOH seem to enjoy watching it whether they are horny or not.

10

Only if you pick up a move that you didn’t think of yourself and pass it off as your own (I invented the ‘stovepipe’…)

If you view it with your tryster…
No, viewing porn is not cheating IMO. Cheating involves a lot more than sittin’ around the den with your VCR in one hand… I dare say porn might help certain folks NOT cheat. “Horny this weekend, SO gone for a week; should I go to that bar? Frustration building. Hmmm, a little porn. Now I can go fix that fence.”

11

I agree with Jack. (I find myself doing that often.)

Porn can be a nice little getaway every once in a while, and it can be fun to share with a partner. Get all turned on, and try something you haven’t tried before. But, watching it all the time, constantly fantasizing about other men/women, and neglecting your partners and your own sexual needs can be very devestating, and yes, in weird kinda way, I “would” consider that cheating.

This may be TMI, but my friends ex-wife used to watch porn and read those stories and masturbate all the time. Even while he was there, she would go into another room in the house, get her toys and videos/mags/books whatever, and do her thing. It really hurt his feelings that his wife wouldn’t let him in on her sexual fantasies, and try as he might, he felt he wasn’t satisfying her. He actually said to me that he felt cheated on. So if that tells you anything.

Personally, I agree with most everyone else. Cheating is cheating and that’s that, but it would hurt my feelings if my girlfriend/SO/wife-whatever were watching porn all the time, and “not” letting me take care of her needs. Just MHO tho’. Your results may vary.

12

Use porn is cheating when pornographic materials are used as an escape for the imagination from the reality of sexual relations with a mate. In this situation, sexual energy is expended and creativity is dulled for purposes that do not serve said mate. Thus, the mate is deprived of the attentions that were assumed to be committed.

Use of porn is not cheating when it serves as a supplement or enhancement to actual sexual relations with a mate. In this situation, sexuality is honed and conditioned while the sexy mind is developed through the casual and thorough examination of that which stimulates the user. This can ultimately serve a mate as much as the effect of broad sexual experiences prior to union.

These statements of mine would be incomplete without further clarification of my position on “cheating” itself. When a person seeks sexual experience outside of a promised union as a replacement for what may be lacking, the mate and commitment is not served and is in no way benefited. On the other hand, cheating as a means of examining expanded boundaries of sexuality with the intent of bringing all newly acquired knowledge and skill back to the bed thought of as home, the committed union is strengthened and honored. That’s not cheating at all, in my opinion.

Cheating, I believe, is identified by the effect on a relationship rather than an opinion of the means and activities involved.

13

I should amend to my post, that I do think if you are doing something that is hurting your partner in a way he/she does not like, than that may be considered cheating, since hurting them wrongfully insinuates you are doing something to break a trust or bond with them…

14

Viewing porn is not cheating. If my SO were watching porn all the time to the exclusion of having sex with me, I would of course have a major problem with him. But not because he was “cheating.”

15

I’m not hurt

I’m just tired.

16

I think that it seemed like it was pretty obvious you didnt think so. However it was vanilla who made the claim that it is cheating.

My view is that is is not cheating. Cheating is going out and having sex with some one and going outside of an established relationship to fulfil your sexual needs. Porn is meant to fulfill fantasies and to titillate. Just as someone who has a very active imagination isn’t cheating, neither is a man looking at porn (unless of course the porn is a replacement for intimacy with a SO).
A lot of my friends use it as a supplement to their sex life, or just to mock and make fun of it like when we have parties (we actually pop in a porno and then comment on the silliness). So, it definately isnt cheating when it’s helping them enrich their relationships.

17

Well, I must say that I, as a woman, enjoy porn, watching, reading and writing it, about 40 times MORE than my husband does, and we still have a beautiful healthy relationship.

It scares me to see women and men (not you mermaid, this is just hypothetical) who presume that just because you’re THINKING of someone else sexually that you’re not attracted to your spouse, SO or whatever, or that you’re planning on cheating. I walk down the street with my husband and point out men that I think are sexy and I think would be good in bed, and he does the same with various women he sees… It helps us understand what’s attractive to each other and encourages us to be honest!

jarbaby

18

I don’t think it’s cheating either.

So let me offer a path for us to walk down: If watching porn on your VCR isn’t cheating, what about watching a live sex show in a theater, like they have in Amsterdam?
If THAT’S not cheating (and I don’t think it is), what about watching two people have sex at their place, with you the only audience and no commerce involved? (assume you don’t take part or even talk to them, and you don’t masturbate.) Is THAT cheating? (I don’t think it is.) What if you DO masturbate? At what point on this continuum does it become cheating? I would say it becomes cheating at the point you put down your popcorn, get out of your chair, and go join the astoundingly thoughtful couple that is letting you watch. But what if you just go kneel next to the bed and watch up close? or reach out to run a hand up and down someone’s back? That wouldn’t be cheating if you were both clothed and standing up… does it BECOME cheating if the person you’re touching is having sex, even if it’s not a sexual touch?

19

Hey, I don’t even know what we’re talking about any more Chef, but give me a call some time. :smiley:

jarbaby

20

Hey, jarbaby, how YOU doin’? wiggles eyebrows

I have this thread, this albatross around my neck, called Hey EVERYBODY! Steamy Love Letters from Cheffie. In it I offered to write letters for people… letters that were humorously smutty, or frankly, pantingly, tinglingly erotic. LOTS of people responded, and I’m currently trying to get them all finished at a shamefully slow pace. (some of the older ones are out of order or scrambled a bit because this thread predates the switchover from UBB code to vB code - that’s how long I’ve spent trying to satisfy all the pent-up demand I unwittingly tapped.) I encourage anyone who likes that kind of steamy (but not XXX-explicit) writing to click over and spend a half hour.

I did not post this link to aggrandize myself (that’s a happy bonus! wink) but to add another layer to the discussion. Is someone who requested one of these letters a cheater for asking me to write it for them? I tried to give them as much verisimilitude as possible, and I’ll bet they’re better love letters than most of my audience ever got from an actual admirer. So are they electronic infidelities? (needless to say, I don’t think so.)