The movie Office Space is especially funny for us corporate drones because they really nailed what office jobs are like. If you are at work right now, and would have to click on something else and pretend to work if anyone walked into your office, this thread is for you.
Please describe any funny people/phenomenon that exists at your job that could have been used in the movie Office Space:
At my work:
Executive Assistant (also part time model) – She possesses the world’s most annoying laugh and constantly prints her headshots on the color printers. Has no real concept of anything the company does, and also has no desire to learn. Here cubicle looks more like a dorm room, complete with puppy dog screen saver, pillows at her chair, and is constantly surfing myspace. I can hear her laugh from across the office as I type this.
Acquisitions “Executive” – Constantly on the phone with his BMW dealer to see what’s the latest and greatest model available. Mostly has interest in talking about what a douche-bag insert any other employee’s name here is. Has the inside scoop on how money is made in any industry, and likes to tell you where the real money is at in case you were wondering, even though you never asked. Literally refers to people as “first name-inator” or “The first initial Man.”
Owner of Company – Inherited the company from his father, and ignores polite attempts at conversation and generally asks you to do something for him immediately after ignoring what it is you said to him.
Ambitious Accountant – attractive woman, large breasts, likes to show them off in grand fashion, and constantly reports inappropriate comments that are made. Has a love-hate relationship with food and constantly talks about dieting and deserts. Gets most pleasure talking about people behind their backs and coming up with unflattering nicknames for people that simply are not funny. All stories describing other people start with “She was all . . . and I was all . . . so she was all . . . and then I was like . . .” Had never heard of a band called The Police before. Highly religious/self righteous. Attempts at appearing casual do no mask what is ultimately a vindictive personality.
The Go-Getter Wannabe - an hourly peon who goes around reading books on how to be a leader, swim with the sharks and parachute color-identification. Will never be more than an hourly wage slave. nods enthusiastically everytime the boss gives one of her Successories-like aphorisms. Only she doesn’t know what “aphorisms” means.
The Director - During mandatory meetings with topics like “Enthusiam” and “Attitude”, tells stories about her messy desk and home life to seem like “one of the gals”, while encouraging everyone to read management books so they can be just like her. Deep inside feels everyone around her is inferior and stupid, but she puts up the best facade because she knows morale is in the toilet.
A guy with Lundberg’s voice and speech patterns sits in the cubicle behind me.
Milton was formerly in our group. Same shuffling walk, same mumble, same cluelessnes.
The chirpy phone answering women - I used to sit across the aisle from her some years ago. She also spent a lot of time on the phone with her mother and at least 20 times a day, “Now, Mother. You know …”
I won’t dwell on the TPS cover sheets. That joke manifests itself at least a dozen ways.
Just today, I got three people to tell me what I did wrong on my TPS reports from Tuesday. We call them ISRs, actually, but that’s just a cover; they’re really just TPS reports in disguise. I was waiting for a fourth and fifth person to come by to tell me what I did wrong but alas, it was just three. I found myself longing for a memo. Or ten.
This thread reminds me … I keep forgetting to bring my red Swingline in. Yes, I own a red Swingline. I always preferred it to the Boston because it didn’t bind up as much, and I’m pretty sure my boss wouldn’t take it. That’d suck, y’know, cuz then I’d be forced to burndownthebuilding.
The Big Boss in my office looks a lot like Lumberg. He knows this, and it’s led to a long-running subtle company injoke about Office Space. One of the Medium Bosses has an IniTech mug and people will randomly leave it on Big Boss’s desk sometimes. We circulated a fake TPS report, and someone bought the office manager a red swingline stapler after she complained (seriously) that people using the copier kept stealing her stapler and walking off with it.
She had, unbelievably, never seen the movie, so we played it in the conference room one friday afternoon. Big Boss really does look like Gary Cole.