Is your SO your best friend?

[RickJay]

1. Male.
2. Yes, she is.
3. I think that some people’s spouses are their best friends, and some aren’t. My situation doesn’t apply to everyone; why should it? People can have very different attitudes towards marriage.

[Pixilated]

Female

I have 3 best friends that I can and will share anything and everything with. They are the only three I would trust my life with, even more so - the only 3 that I would give guardianship of my minor child to. Yes, I know, technically speaking you can only have ONE best friend - but what do you do if you trust and love each one equally? Of course, my priority is my SO.

Automatic? Nope. It used to hurt my ex fiance that I would never refer to him as my best friend. It just wasnt there, and I had never before referred to anyone in my LTR as my bf until I met my SO - we just clicked, and this usually quiet overly introverted self did a 180degree turn and became a motor mouth, spilling a lot of info, and we do a lot of things together. All my previous LTR’s had their friends, I had mine - they did their thing, I did mine. I liked it that way, but being recently “converted” - I couldnt imagine going back to that lifestyle!

[Mrs.Cake]

Female

Absolutely my best friend - it was one of the major reasons I married him. I frankly can’t imagine marrying someone who was not. Sure I have other close friends, but Mr. Cake is the one I trust with everything and the one I talk to about my other friends, rather than the reverse.

Marrying someone does not make them your best friend, but frankly, why would I plan to spend my life and all that intimate stuff with someone who I would not consider my best friend? I didn’t marry to have children or for money or any of the other reasons that factor into other people’s decisions, so maybe that’s the friendship aspect is more important to my marriage.

[nikonikosuru]

1.) Female

2.) My fiance didn’t start out as my best friend. I had a lot of close friends and best friends in high school, I saw him in a different kind of ranking. Whenever somebody I knew would refer to their SO as their best friend, I would think “Pffft! Sappy! Get a better circle of friends”. Now, I understand how it can happen. My friends drifted away and my SO and I got closer. One day I looked around and finally realized "Huh, all of my old friends have pretty much fallen off the face of the earth. Fiance and I are pretty close…damn close…closer than I have ever been with my previous best friends. He must be my best friend. It didn’t surprise me or make me sad or happy to say that, it was more of a realization out loud. If it makes any difference, he considered me his best friend before I considered him as being mine.

3.) It definitely varies from person to person. I still miss having a female best friend to talk to, and maybe if I had kept my old one the relationship I have with my SO would be different, but who knows.

[tesseract]

1. Female

2. Yes, definitely. He’s the closest person to me, he knows me best, he loves me best, he certainly understands me best, and I want to spend time with him the most. However, I have OTHER best friends too – I have best friend categories, I guess – best friend in my hometown, best friend from law school, etc.

3. No, not automatic. Although it’s not how I feel, I do understand what people are saying when they say it’s on a different plane for them --that the role of “best friend” is separate.

I imagine racier relationships exist than my marriage, but we seriously stayed up in bed until 2am over Christmas Break this year talking about Teenaged Mutant Ninja Turtles. I kept waiting for someone to walk in and say, ‘‘You kids go to sleep!’’ I actually LIVE with this person who will talk to me about ninja turtles at ungodly hours of the morning.

I’ve often thought that too – we laugh and joke at all hours of the night and I think, How is it that I can have so much FUN with someone I get to spend the rest of my life with??

[Diogenes_the_Cynic]

My wife is the best friend I’ve ever had or ever will have.

[Viridiana]

I’m female. When I started dating my SO (who I’d been friends with previously but not extremely close), I had 2 female best friends and 1 male best friend, all of whom I’d known since grade school. 5 years later (yesterday!), those best friends are all gone, he’s still here, and he cares more for me and shares more with me than they ever did or would have combined (they were great while they lasted, though), and no one I’ve met since comes remotely close. If one did, I’d welcome it, but I don’t “need” it personally - I blow off steam about my SO to my SO, and often it works out great and things get better, and I never feel the need to escape from him or exclude him from anything I want to do (unless he doesn’t want to do it).

I’ve had SOs before who weren’t my best friend - I was too afraid of them at the time. They had other nice qualities. But I don’t think I’d consider marrying anyone who wasn’t my best friend.

He’s my bestest friend in the universe. knocks on wood

[toadspittle]

1. Male.

2. No. She’s my wife. Similarly, my brother, sister, father, and mother are not my best friend. They’re my brother, sister, father, and mother. For me, these are all different kinds of relationships.

3. I think your friend is right. I still sort of roll my eyes at the “Today I marry my best friend,” thing at some weddings.

[Malthus]

@Marienee

Do you know, we actually do this sometimes. I have been known to say to Dearly Beloved that my husband is making me nuts because of something or other. He then responds exactly as though he were just a very insightful third party. The reverse is also true, now and again he goes on about his marital woes with his wife.

It’s our own peculiar way of breaking out of our roles with each other I suppose. It usually end with everybody laughing.

Heh, I know - I do this as well; the comment was made only half in jest.

I think though that people with actual life-long best friends outside of marriage are pretty rare - I feel very lucky to have both a best friend and a wife. As others have noted, often as you age your friends sort of fall by the wayside, leaving your SO as “best friend” by default.

To my mind there is nothing about having a best friend that is not your SO that of necessity diminishes the importance and intimacy of the relationship with the SO. I’d talk about stuff with my wife that I’d never talk about with my best friend - and vice versa (such as my wife making me crazy ). The relationships are quite different.

Edit: it is a symptom of this difference that I would never under any circumstances consider marrying my best friend, or even having a fling with her (and she’s female). In fact, I knew her for years before I met my wife, and we very early established our relationship as platonic.

[threnodyangelfire]

Absolutely unequivocably.

I do have other “best friends”, but he’s the one that knows every single little thing about me, whether it’s good or bad.

[Juliette_Culture_Junkie]

1. Female (side note: Mostly-woman-oriented bisexual with a male fiance)
2. He is absolutely my best friend and pretty much my only real friend. I’m an insanely busy person: Full-time student and housewife with 2 part-time jobs, plus I don’t drink or do any drugs so I’m no fun at parties. That pretty much makes for no friends. We are playmates and lovers and friends and pretty much everything to each other.
3. However, I do not think it’s necessarily a given to be best friends with your SO.