This is inspired by bnorton’s thread asking if the SDMBers really really loved their spouses. Many people who replied mentioned that their spouse is their best friend.
Now, while I did reply that I really really love my SO, he’s not my best friend. My best friend is my best friend. While my SO is the yin to my yang, my best friend is more like … um, another copy of my yang. If I misplace mine, she’s always happy to share hers.
My best friend and I have been best friends since we were about 11, when we lived about 4 blocks away from each other, and grew up (marginally) and moved to the big city, where we still live about 4 blocks away from each other. We have been through teenage crushes, Duran Duran sticker collections, bad grades, college acceptance letters, losing parents, ugly break-ups, fashion disasters, losing FOUR superbowls in a row, major medical emergencies, dead pets, wild spring break vacations, job promotions and just about anything else you can think of together.
Of course, when things like these happen now, I also share them with the Dearly Beloved. But that’s in addition to, not in place of, my best friend.
So, is your partner your best friend? Or do you have another best friend who enriches your life in addition to your SO? If you have another best friend, does this ever cause problems with your SO?
I just recently moved here, and my boyfriend and his friends have become my friends. He’s like my best friend, certainly my best friend here, but I still have a best friend where I used to live. We’re kind of growing apart I think, because I rarely talk to her anymore and she isn’t too thrilled that I’m going out with him again. Long story.
My closest female friends have been separated from me by distance. We don’t see each other often enough for them to still be my “best friends” in the way they used to be. But I think even if that weren’t the case, I’d probably still consider Mr. Cranky my best friend. I’m real slow to open up to people and don’t make close friends easily.
Until I met Stephen, my best friend in the entire world (since the age of four) was Heather. Although I still love her to death, think of her as a sister, and consider her a best friend, Stephen is the best friend. Does that make any sense? Heather is my best girlfriend, but Stephen is my best friend above all others. I trust him more than I trust anyone else, I have more fun with him than I have with anyone else, I love him more than anyone or anything else. Even with Heather, there are parts of me that I keep hidden, things that we don’t talk about; with Stephen, I never hide anything. (OK, sometimes I keep things a secret when I’m trying to surprise him, but I usually break down and tell him what the surprise is 'cause I’m so gosh-darned excited about it and I want to share everything with him.) He is the best friend that a person could ever have, and I thank God every single day that I have him in my life.
Yup, hell yeah.
He’s both the ying to my yang and an identical copy of me. My ex-best friend dumped me when we hooked up because she felt threatened by him (we always had that bond i didn’t have with her, and she misinterpreted in by my being disloyal to her - go figure).
Considering I’ve only said “I love you” and meant it to two men in my life…
Both of them were one of my best friends when I fell for them. We already had formed an tight bond. There was just someting about these two that made me want to take it further. Maybe because we were so comfortable together…
We have none of the same interests, but many of the same thoughts. We grew up experiencing many of the same things, and we can relate to each other. I’m not scared to be myself around him, and I can always count on him to listen to me. We were very good friends for a year or so before I finally told him that I had feelings for him.
I don’t feel comfortable sharing my problems with my other friends. With my boyfriend, however, I can tell him anything and I know he will make me feel better.
Yup, hell yeah.
She’s both the ying to my yang and an identical copy of me. Her ex-best friend dumped her when we hooked up because she felt threatened by me (we always had that bond that she didn’t have with her, and she misinterpreted our getting together as being disloyal to her - go figure).
…If you haven’t figured it out, IceQueen and I -are-.
He knows more about me than anybody else in the world. Although I’m still close to my other friends, when I have something funny/important/sad/interesting to say, I want tell him first because I know he’ll ‘get’ it.
Wow, I have to say I was a little surprised that the responses are all on one side. I would have thought that having your spouse as your best friend was rare (in a good way!).
Muffin, has having your ex-SO as your best friend caused problems for either of you in your subsequent relationships?
Yeah, my boyfriend is my best friend. I think that I never really HAD a best friend before I met him. I had really good friends who I called best friends, but none of them really were. I have to watch what I say around them and I was really comfortable with very few of them. Plus they all seemed to like to insult me regularly, which isn’t to fun.
My boyfriend is the first person to just love me the way I am. I can tell him anything without worrying if it will upset/offend him. It is pretty great. Of course, I would never tell my old best friend that she isn’t my best friend anymore (even though I am guessing that she already knows it) because that would just upset and offend her. She is a big believer in boyfriends not over-shadowing friend friends. So am I, in general, but this time it happened.
Before we started dating my wife and I were best friends and have remained that way.
To be honest I look at some other married people around me and wonder how sound their relationships are when they talk about going out with their friends and not wanting their wives to come along because they wouldn’t have fun.
They think I’m whipped because I’d rather go out places with my wife. The truth is that when we go out we do and talk about the same stuff these other people do with their friends, except that when I get I home afterwards I can sleep with her
Throughout my life, there has always been one “Best Friend” at a time. Oddly enough, the woman who was my “Best Friend” before I met Spouse was a great gal, but we never really “clicked” – it was a friendship where we had similar interests and did things together just to have a companion.
AFTER I met spouse, things really changed. Former BF was no longer my companion of choice. Oddly enough, Spouse (before he was spouse) was an instant Best Friend. We took our time with our relationship so we wouldn’t screw up a very good friendship by moving too fast to “the next level”.
Incidentally, spouse’s former Best Friend was our Best Man – her husband was Spouse’s Groomsman.
My wife is my best friend and was before we became a “couple”.
I’ve never really had many friends that have stayed in my life–I am very much a loner, largely independent and self-reliant, particularly emotionally, so people would come and go and it never really phased me too much. I’d feel bad I didn’t stay in touch more, but it was never like an important part of a “support structure” would go missing.
This is not true of my wife. My two groomsmen were the two people I’ve grown up with the longest, but I really can’t consider them very close (as in sharing personal stuff with) or even really reliable. A best friend should be somebody you trust, but if the chips were down, I can’t say I could rely on them (as past experience has proven)–we’re friends more because of what we’ve been through in the past and less because of who we are today.
Again, my wife is different. I can’t say I have much in common with her, but everything about her has always felt right–comfort levels, safety, confidence & assurance. I miss her terribly when she’s away from me and no day is complete without checking in with her about our respective days. The best friend I ever had, there’s nothing I can’t talk to her about. We never have any fights or fallouts and we always work through disagreements or misunderstandings quickly, so I’ve never needed someone else to go to who might “understand” where I’m coming from.
Soulmate? Kinda hackneyed term but if I’ve ever had one, it’s her. I have fun with her doing just about anything, and the things I like doing that she might not were always things I used to do by myself anyway; like kingpengvin said, I can’t imagine doing stuff with other people where I wouldn’t want her there, too.
