No problems at all. But then I’m a guy, so I wouldn’t recognize a relationship problem if it bit me in the ass.
Of my very closest friends – my oldest and dearest friends – the really rock solid, always there for you, couldn’t imagine being without you type friends – there has always been a pretty equal gender mix. It never crossed my mind when dating that either close female friends or a female best friend would affect my relationship, anymore than close male friends or a male best friend would.
When my ex and I began dating, she was a bit uncomfortable with my having close female friends, but being a typically clueless guy, I had no idea until she told me. She eventually got around to realizing that my friends were not in any way her competition. At the same time, I felt quite uncomfortable being her only close male friend – I wanted to share in a life together with her, not be the centre of her life.
When the time came after a few years that we realized that as hopelessly in love with each other as we were, we just were not cut out to be together, we made a very serious commitment to part as friends, and we kept that commitment. We’re still extremely close despite having gone our separate ways.
She has found a new partner, and from the beginning he has had to deal with my ex and I being super-close, however, she has pretty much trained him to realize that I am not his competition. And the last thing I would want to be would be his competition. I certainly hope and expect that her partner will become her best friend, and I will be relegated to being a very close friend. A deep friendship takes time to develop, and they have only been together for about a year, but with any luck they will grow closer as time goes on.
I’m single and way to busy to look for a partner at the moment, but when the time comes for me I expect that there will be people with whom I will not be compatible due to my having close female friends and in particular a female best friend. But I’m not concerned about those with whom I am not compatible. Instead, I look forward to meeting a person who is mature enough to realize that I have a very rich life and a very strong, supportive group of friends, whom I cherish dearly, each in his or her own way, and that without such bonds, I would not be anywhere near the person I am.
My ex and I look at it as a win-win situation. We each have friendships and relationships which grow in different ways and meet different needs. Our friendships enrich our lives tremendously, and the degree to which she and I are such close friends provides a warmth and stability that helps us be better people both for ourselves and for those with whom we share our lives.
