Normally I don’t drink this much, could you pass me the nitroglycerin?
I statement I often hear is “I Hate to tell you this but…” and then they tell you something hurtful or unpleasant with a huge grin on their face…
Desk clerk:“I hate to tell you this, but we ran out of rooms 5 minutes ago…” Now if they looked sad, or solemn when they said it, it would be one thing, but with a dumb grin and a bitchy attitude it just adds insult to idiocy…
The message they send is that they are actually enjoying their ability to inform someone of a distressing event or fact…
FML
Yeah I agree. When people say something like “Let me be perfectly honest with you . . . ,” I always cringe inwardly. Because more often then not, they are about to tell an obvious lie.
Every time I see this thread, I misread the title as:
Isn’t it strange how “I’m not one to complain” is oft heard by serial KILLERS?
I guess my brain is expecting “killers” to oft follow “serial.”
I’m not one to complain, but this Scotchgard totally isn’t working.
I’m not one to complain, but the trunk space is AWFUL in my new Lexus hybrid.
I’m not one to complain, but this police sketch makes me look really fat.
Agreed, but if they say “long story short” it usually is the real deal.
“Where did you get alien technology?”
“There was this incident with an Alligator and the Kool-Aid Man and something to do with Blizzard Entertainment, it’s kind of complicated, anyway, long story short I’m now overlord of the Earth!”
Yeah, long story short usually means “I don’t want to talk about it… you probably wouldn’t understand it anyway.”
I’m not the type to complain…
Howzit going with you?
ETA - Crap, I missed TDN’s post way back there. 
Well, to be fair, the listener may not be due any respect, so it works out.
This is the third time I’ve popped into this thread, and this still makes me giggle.