No… please… no more issues!!! I hear this stupid term all day. “We have issues to discuss… this is an issue that needs addressed… let’s discuss this issue… there are unresolved issues… we need to determine what issues affect the outcome… ”
No!! No!! No!! No more issues!!!
Bless you. [sub]passes hankerchief[/sub]
Must … not … make … obvious … joke.
I usually substitute the phrase “really fucked-up shit”.
“We have really fucked-up shit to discuss… this is really fucked-up shit that needs addressed… let’s discuss this really fucked-up shit… there is unresolved really fucked-up shit… we need to determine what really fucked-up shit affect the outcome… ”
Try it at your next business meeting! I use it in my psych papers all the time- what a hit!
Zette
Have you seen the new really fucked up shit of Newsweek?
Zette, I must take really fucked-up shit with your idea.
adam: Yeah, I was reading it while at the courthouse waiting for a clerk to re-fuck-up-and-shit my birth certificate yesterday…
::: ducks and escapes :::
E. 
That was really funny. Tears are streaming down my face. Someone hand me a T-really fucked up shit.
:SMACK!: “Oooow. What?!?”
I definitely think it would be proactive to conference this fucked-up shit paradigm. Think synergy.
I think it’s time I started a magazine: “Fucked-Up Shit” In each fucked-up shit, I’ll cram as much fucked-up shit as I humanly can. Hell, each fucked-up shit will advertise for fucked-up shit so people with fucked-up shit can sell fucked-up shit to people who buy fucked-up shit of “Fucked-Up Shit.” Every year, I’ll have an extra-long fucked-up shit of “Fucked-Up Shit” so I can cram even more fucked-up shit, ads for fucked-up shit, and other fucked-up shit for people with fucked-up shit who subscribe to “Fucked-Up Shit,” either by buying it at the newsstand or by subscription. You will even be able to buy back-fucked-up shit of “Fucked-Up Shit” through my back-fucked-up shit ordering system. I will also sell bound editions of numerous fucked-up shit for those people who like all their “Fucked-Up Shit” fucked-up shit in one place. Soon, we’ll all have fucked-up shit of “Fucked-Up Shit” on our end tables, and classic fucked-up shit will sell for really fucking huge prices. I’ll be so rich I’ll be able to buy all the fucked-up shit I want! BWA HA HA HA!
That’s fucked up…shit…
The quote of the day a while back was, “He doesn’t have issues, dear - he has a fucking subscription.” Still cracks me up.
Esprix
Another word I hated was closure, but thankfully it has been “out” for about 3 years. Same goes for synergy.
IMHO, issues is the grand-daddy of Corporate Words That Suck. There are some good runner-ups, though, and I’ll post them as I hear them. One that comes to mind is opportunities. Another is action item. Grrrrrrrr.
Aside from the fact that I dislike the word “issues” because it’s become cliched, I use it all the time.
My therapist once explained to me that “issues” implies something that may not be able to be fixed. “Problems”, OTOH, implies there is a solution.
I liked my therapist.
Robin, who has more issues than the New York Times
Oh yeah, we have action items, and we “capture data”, too (shudder).
Anyone for Bullshit Bingo?
I vote for “ownership”.
We need to take ownership of this fucked-up shit.
my boss is obsessed with everyone having “ownership” of their work. And yet, will give no one any real authority.
Gah.
[Kyle]
Dude, that’s some issue right there, man.
[/Kyle]
hmmm… I use “issues” as a replacement for “dude” or any other empty word where inflection is the only important part.
Its pretty flexable once you embrace it as a nonsense word.
I think I see a sig line in there somewhere…