It Ain't All It's Cracked Up To Be...

There are certain things our society says it is good to be or it is good to have like being beautiful or a genius, having loads of cash, being sharp as a tack, etc. :cool:

Do you possess any of these traits to such a degree that it causes you problems? :smack:

I’ll go first…In middle and high school, I was an ugly duckling. I had horrible acne and my body was all out of proportion. However, all that changed 5 years later. The acne was gone and so was the “all out of proportion.” In fact, the way I look now tends to attract too much attention. Other women hate me unless they are especially self-confident or quite attractive themselves. :eek: I keep getting jobs where I work with women and it is a problem. I try to be especially kind to make up for it, but that only seems to make it worse. I worry about the glance, stop, then full-on looks I get from strange men and when I am out alone, I worry that I someone might follow me out of the store or wherever. I do not wear make-up or really put any effort into my appearance (except for special, fun occasions). :o

Knowing damn well that it’s forthcoming I may as well be the first to ask for a…cite? :smiley:

A cite? :confused: Do you mean a picture? Sorry, even if I had any pictures of myself on my computer, I wouldn’t know how to post one or link to one. I am not very computer savvy :frowning: . Besides, it’s not the point, my question is an honest one.

If you go around talking about how how attractive you are and how much of a problem it is, I would probably hate you too.

Yeah, I already hate you and I’m a man. Mainly because you not only are talking about how attractive you are and how much of a problem it is but because you won’t furnish the evidence. :slight_smile:

::stares at Melangell’s melons::

I am pretty sure my ugly duckling “phase” is going to turn out to be a lifelong one :wink: but I still can empathize with what melangell is talking about. I’ve seen how good-looking girls get approached by sleazy guys when they’re out in public (and some sleazy guys can be downright scary).
Sure, there are times when being pretty can be helpful because people treat you more kindly because of it or such. However, for a pretty girl who is actually a thoughtful individual, it could be very frustrating to have to deal with all the men who just like her looks but don’t give a crap about her personality or intelligence.
I’m a medical student, and part of our training of course involves working closely with older doctors. I’ve heard from some of my pretty young female classmates about how some older male doctor made sexual comments in front of them or didn’t take them seriously as a professional (especially if they’re blonde). I’ve never felt sexually harrassed in the slightest, and it wouldn’t surprise me if that’s partially because none of these guys are attracted to me in the first place.

By the same token, while I am not rich, I can definitely see reasons why being rich isn’t all that great: No real “goals” to work towards in life, always having to worry if people are being your friend because they like you or because they want a hand-out, worrying about theft and such…

And the genius thing, well…I’m sure it’s obvious from some of my posts here that I can be a doofus at times so I’m not going to claim to be a genius either. :stuck_out_tongue: However, I’ve posted on this board before that I feel that “gifted” children are at a high risk for having social problems because they have a hard time finding anyone who is truly their peer. They’re too intelligent to fit in with children in their own age group, but they’re too emotionally immature to fit in with the older kids who are their academic peers. I think it requires a lot of careful planning on the parents’ part to make sure a gifted child grows up well-rounded and socially adept instead of an awkward nerd.

OK, I can see that this is not going the way I hoped it would. I just figured that there are a lot of people on this board who seem to be gifted in some special way or another (I’ve certainly encountered some very witty and intelligent people), I thought they might want to share the down side of being gifted in some way or another.

If it makes any of you who now “hate me” feel better, I am intensely stupid in some respects. I really struggle with people in general; I don’t know how to talk to them. I miss subtle social cues and most people are not very forgiving about this. Sometimes I want to talk frankly about subjects (like this one :smack: ), but my intentions are always read as the worst ones possible. Really, I just want to not feel so alone. I do well in my relationships, but those people tend to be very tolerant. I am sorry if my post came off as bragging, it was not my intention. I really like everyone here on the SDMB and hope that you do not begin to hate me :frowning: .

Thank you, lavenderviolet , for not assuming the worst of me :slight_smile: . I posted my last response and then found your response -it made me feel better :slight_smile: .

Don’t worry too much about how other posters feel about you here; mostly you’ll be ignored if you’re doing okay, and occasionally noticed for the wrong reasons if you put the slightest foot wrong. There are many people here who will take any opportunity to jump down your throat because you said a little thing that could be construed in a negative way if you really worked at it; don’t let them get to you. A good thing to remember is that you’re probably arguing with a 13-year-old boy in his parents’ basement. :smiley:

ETA: I have no problems being friends with women of all kinds. If they get my sense of humour, that is.

I’m being serious about this, as well. For a small girl, I have not huge, but quite noticable breasts. I feel sorry for anyone with huge breasts. Most shirts don’t fit me well and I am so jealous of women with small cute breasts who can wear sexy shirts without looking slutty; and, although they look pretty perky when I’m wearing a bra, it ain’t pretty when the girls are unleashed. The older I get, the worse they’re going to look! Waaah…

You take that back! I’m actually 40!

I’m 6’5" tall. Not NBA center material, but way above average height. A lot of guys seem to think it would be great to be my height. Well, let me tell ya:

Transportation issues:
90-95% of car seats don’t go back far enough. (Cooper mini is a notable and suprising exception…I SO want one!) Most motorcycles don’t fit. Flying in coach REALLY sucks for me…probably for the person next to me too, as my shoulders are about 4" wider than the seat pitch.

Stairs are proportioned wrong for my feet. I was 20 before I learned the trick of not srumbling when going downward. (turn feet sideways)

Buying clothes is a right expensive pain in the ass. I have only a couple of long sleeved dress shirts. They cost about $60 each. I have to buy jeans via the internet, because even though the factorys make them long enough, the stores do not stock them, and the tall and big men stores should be called “Plaid sport coats for fat guys” stores.

Lets talk shoes. Especially anything produced in low quantity…forget rock climbing shoes. Ski boots? HA! Rollerblades? NOT FOR KEVBO!

There is not one compound bow made that can accomidate my draw, if there were, I’d have to use an overdraw device, because arrows don’t come that long either.

For a given build, weight increases with the CUBE of height. When I was a lean mean machine, I weighed 190#. I’m currently not a lean mean machine, but not really huge either…still I weigh far above average. This causes all kinds of trouble. Bicycle wheels don’t hold up, oh and chairs! chairs break within 6 months. Car seats fail, lovely to sit down at the library and have the chair spontainiously dissasemble itself under me.

Anybody that makes short jokes is considered a cad, but tall folk are apparently fair game.

Well, let’s see.

I dearly love to cook. And I love to cook rather upscale things requiring good technical skill and I’m willing to go the extra mile and shop for hard-to-find items. I’ve learned not to join in the recipe discussions in work lunchrooms because women will think I’m some kind of uber-Suzy Homemaker trying to one-up them in the domestic department. The truth is, I hate housekeeping, can’t sew, and don’t have kids. I just love to cook - it’s my hobby. And it bugs the hell out of some women when I bring in homemade salsas or we have a chili cookoff in the office. They learn that I toast my own chilis or make salsa out of backyard tomatoes and start to sneer about the amount of effort I put into it.

I love it when I find someone else who is as into cooking as I am, and we understand each other.

Genius. I’m such a genius that I can’t fill out forms.

I notice little details about my surroundings and am able to recall images of things in place for…months in the past. “Looking for the 3 of clubs that’s missing from that deck? Um…look under the boy’s bed. It should be under the purple plastic bin with all the legos in it.” I’m a whiz at finding car keys, cell phones (that have been turned off and left on top of something, items tucked away at the back of the fridge. I can also recall entire conversations, verbatim, from up to a couple years ago, but only with certain people. The memory has allowed an illusion of intelligence to grow around me because I can remember stuff clearly and easily integrate concepts and objects in what is sometimes referred to as “imaginative ways.”

So there are people who think I’m smart (nobody here, thankfully). They think I can produce solutions on demand, and that I should be able to employ some magnificent degree of foresight, plan wonderful events, achieve great things and lead people. See, if I were actually, you know, “smart” I could do all that. But I’m really the opposite–like the fool that can tell you the day of the week for any given date, but who can’t find his way home from accross the street. As a consequence, I let a lot of people down because I’m also too dense to figure out that someone has given me a ball that I need to run with.

I knew a guy (casually) who considered himself too smart for Mensa.

Me too, and I’m tired of being regarded as a food snob. I just like cooking. So what, I make everything from scratch, 14 different ways, until I find what I like. It’s fun for me.

teela, will you be my new best friend, so we can trade recipes? :slight_smile:

I’m smart. I’m female. I didn’t know how smart. I was only IQ tested (to my knowledge) after I’d left university. In my life until then, I thought everybody was like me so I’d ask questions or say things that, apparently, made people ‘feel stupid’. I didn’t know they didn’t know the stuff I knew. I got great marks without working hard. None of these things make you popular. I didn’t brag about that stuff, but of course teachers call out who’s done very well, etc. so they still knew. I pretty much kept my mouth shut in grade school and high school. When I got to university, I thought I was with people who were more like me so I spoke out a bit more. And, again, people didn’t understand what I was saying (the profs did and praised me for it). So I shut up again.

I never had a particular passion in terms of career and some of the things I wanted to do were not possible to do for various reasons. So I’ve been mostly underemployed. Meaning I’m a star at doing what I’m doing. Seems people can be very insecure about their jobs and see a star as a threat to their jobs. That hasn’t been fun either. Some men who claim they like the ‘challenge’ of a brainy woman don’t really.

I don’t find enough people to communicate with who aren’t intimidated by me. Again, I never saw me as intimidating - had no idea people were threatened by language, etc. So I learned to edit when I speak and even when I write on boards. SDMB is a bit different; people actually have more vocabulary here, but now I’ve been editing down for a long while and it’s become habit.

I should find myself a job where scientists work; I’ve always gotten on best with them. However, I’ve found a work niche in this town which will suit me for a while. I work on my own for the most part; I work with people around but I don’t work actually with them. This seems to work out well. The conversation isn’t scintillating, but that’s why I visit the Dope and chat with the friends I have found who can relate.

One Myers-Briggs profile I read said that NT women (which I am) ‘have difficult lives’. Yeah. Tell me about it.

“Wow man, working for yourself must be so awesome!”

Not really. I don’t work for myself, I work for my customers. I am 1/3 of an entire company. If something is fucked up, there’s a 1/3 chance it’s my fault. If something needs done, I have to do 1/3 of it (well more like 1/2…one of the 3 of us just answers the phone.)

I have to pay the bills and the taxes and the employees before I pay myself. I have to do billing and collections. I have to work late a lot. I can’t just take days off. I can’t just give myself a raise. I see every penny that goes out and comes in.

You will not find me sipping martinis by the pool at noon. You won’t see me sleeping in until 11 because I was out partying the night before. You won’t see me tooling around in the company Corvette.

Being your own boss is not all it’s cracked up to be. At all.

(ok it does rock, but everyone has the wrong idea about it for sure.)