Bagpipes at a funeral. How fitting 
I LOOOOVE bagpipes especially when they play songs like that. Again my condolences and I’m glad it went well.
I am Mgcklmoon’s husband–it was my father who passed away.
I just wanted to post and thank everyone for their comments.
The minister who did conduct the funeral was a close friend of my father for many years, and is a good and kind man. He cancelled a wedding to officiate at the funeral, and I consider him a good and respectable man, and a friend.
In the matter of the hymn I had chosen (“Be Thou My Vision,” based on the old Irish folk air “Slane”), I felt that since my father knew I was not Christian, my chosing a Christian hymn (and such a lovely one at that) was a kind of last gift from me to him. When the preacher (I will not call that man a minister–and he also showed up at the viewing wearing tennis shoes, shorts, and a sweaty T-shirt, which I felt was disrespectful to my father’s memory anyway)–when the preacher objected to this hymn, I felt that I was taking up for my dad, that it would be my last opportunity in this life to do so, and that I could not in good conscience back down on this issue. Having been to Church of Christ weddings where instrumental music was (of course) used, I honestly was not aware there would be any objection to using this hymn in the funeral.
But all of that aside, no matter what your faith or chosen affiliation, I don’t think it ever gives you the right to have “veto power” over the wishes of the bereaved family. And I will say that someone who would make such an attempt to object to the family’s wishes is not someone who would be able to provide them any true comfort in the funeral anyway.
May the Dark Lady who stands at the doors of both death and life bless each of you in kind and in season.
Blessed Be.
–James
BeardFlute, Be Thou My Vision is one of my favorite hymns and it shares its tune with my favorite, Lord of All Hopefullness. I am sorry you had such an unfortunate experience with one who claims to share my faith. As for me, I’ve participated in good a capella music, but no way am I disowning Bach, Handel, and others!
My condolences to both of you on your loss. May you find solace in the gift of music your father gave you. It sounds like it was a beautiful and fitting service.
CJ
Sweet merciful something, that’s just wrong.
matt_mcl, another vote for your opinion. To coin a phrase “Ewwwwwwww!” What a cretin.
So glad you held on to your preferences, and managed to have that “I’m the Boss” power monger with preacher’s credentials actually Do what would have been lovely for him to offer, in the first place. “I’m sorry, I won’t be able to do the service you are wanting. Perhaps we can find you someone else to officiate.”
Well done! And, that is an amazing friend to your father to ‘cancel a wedding’ in order to lead your service. What a sweet tribute and gift.
I’m an athiest, my husband was a very ex, very angry ex Catholic. He killed himself, so he legaly had to have an autopsy/inquest. He had been dead 12 days before we could have a funeral.
Of course grief runs many emotions. On day 10 when it was time to plan the funeral (or at least my involvement in it…I had kinda been in “I’m pretending this hasn’t happened, would the world kindly F**K off and leave me alone” zone…I may have been at the bottom of a bottle of wine) Anyway during funeral planning day I was in major anger mode (I had a “lovely” moment …alone thank goodness…in the funeral home swearing my head off at my husband , and taking my shoes and socks off so he could have socks to wear cause they were planning on cremating him barefooted).
I specificaly asked for a “celebrant” ie: no member of clergy, I was bought up as an athiest and certainly was in no mood to meet god right then. I am the first one to admit that I was not entirely rational or calm or even particularly polite at the time, but during the meeting with the “celebrant” I said I had 2 wishes for the funeral. Firstly that my husband loved his son with all he was and I wanted how important he was to him to be included in the service and secondly that I did not want god mentioned once. In retrospect I may have been more irrational then I thought and maybe I should have let things take there course…but as mentioned I was feeling the furthest from rational or understanding of anyone else beliefs then I ever have at any time in my life.
On the morning of the funeral I decided I couldn’t go. I wanted my son (he was only 14 mths) to go with my mum and dad (my husband had no family in the country and none he was close to even if they were in the country) No fewer then a dozen people implored, begged, pleaded and reasoned with me to attend the funeral. They all told me I would regret it if I didn’t go, I think I probably would have.
The funeral starts. Mrs celebrant opens with saying how much his family loved him…and wildy misprounounced my childs name while doing so (it is not an uncommon name). I was sitting in the backrow alone (I had told many people they couldn’t attend …yep irrational…so it was not a huge crowd and many did not know I was there). She then launches into a prayer…I now understand that that fufilled her beliefs but I specifically asked her not to!
She went on to misprounce my sons name twice more and mention god half a dozen times. I was a volcano ready to blow, so I left. I didn’t make a scene. It was barely noticed cause I was in the background, infact in the years since many people have asked me why I didn’t go to the funeral because they had never noticed me in the back row.
I can understand why she felt the need to incorperate her own beliefs but I will never forgive her. I believe a funeral is for those left behind and their wishes should be strictly adhered to. They are the ones who are grieving and they need to be nursed through the process.
On the flipside, next year we will have my Nana’s funeral. She died 2 and a half years ago. She gifted her body to medicine and my family and the medical students will share a service next year. She and all her family are confirmed athiests but if god is mentioned at that service we will all be comfortable because we realise it may be something that the students may feel the need to do. The difference is time. At the time of death the loved ones need and deserve to be able to dictate what happens. Grief is very difficult, ministers like yours make it harder.
All my best wishes
To anybody who plans to come to my funeral: Just drink a few beers for me and toss my corpse in the garbage truck. Be as disrepectful as you want. I won’t care. I’ll be dead.
WELL said.