It never fucking rains, it fucking pours!

The BBQ Pit
1

First off, the end of last week my husband notices that the car sounds funny so he needs to make an apointment to get the oil changed, which is overdue anyway. Then Friday morning, he’s getting ready to leave to go on a camp-out (he runs a live-action role playing game), he notices he has a flat tire! So he’ll need to buy a new tire as well.

I go out to the site later and stay the night. Even though I liberally apply “Off!” I’m still all bit to hell by mosquitoes, even on my butt! (You’d think the goddamn insects would have more couth!) A friend drives me home Sat. evening because I have to take care of our cats, and I have this funny feeling about them- I’m real worried for some reason.

**WARNING-GROSS MEDICAL STUFF IN THIS PARAGRAPH**

When I get home, I notice one of our cats, Cadillac, is licking his, uh, nether regions a lot. I figure maybe he’s got a cling nugget, or is starting a urinary tract infection or something. Well, he’s still licking himeself Sunday, so I check his butt. He has an open wound next to his rectum, I’m not sure if it’s a growth or maybe an anal gland got infected and opened up. It’s not bleeding, no organs are hanging out, it’s not weeping any discharge. Okay. So I make an appt. at the vet. IF he needs surgery, they’ll probably require that he gets vaccinated (at least $50), because he’s not up-to-date, and I’m going to ask that we do pre-op bloodwork (at least $50, probably more) because Cadillac is about 8 or 9 years old, and I want to make sure his organs are functioning okay and can process the anesthesia. Even if all they have to do it anesthetise him and sew him up, that’ll probably cost at least $75.
My husband is covered in poison ivy and bug bites when he gets home, but at least he’s not injured- last time he tore a hamstring. He leaves for work and calls me shortly thereafter, and I think, “Geez, he made it to work quick!” No, he didn’t. He hit a deer. He’s pretty sure the deer is dead, his side panel and headlight are crunched, and he’s all shaken up. He’d never hit an animal before. So that means more money spent on the car.
Plus all our cats need at least one vaccination, we both need to get new glasses and contacts (I’ve had my contacts for 5 years now-can anyone say ‘eye disease’?) because our prescriptions are old, and we both need to go to the dentist.

But Jesus H. Christ in a Christmas tree, what’s next? Are we going to get swept up in a goddamn tornado? Is the house going to explode? Are the cats all going to get some incurable disease? Is one of us going to get the West Nile Virus or whatever from the mosquito bites? What the fuck is going on here? Yes, I should be thankful, none of the cats are dead, the car is still drivable, my husband’s not injured, he still has a job, we both are somewhat healthy, blah blah blah. Where the hell is all this bad luck coming from? And WHY is it happening NOW, when we were going to try and start saving money? I’m usually like, “Things happen for a reason” but fuck if I know! I’m usually not in the middle of shit!

Okay, I feel slightly better now that I got all that out of my system. I apologise for any spelling or punctuation errors, I’m just extremely agitated right now. I’m going to go make some coffee and pour calamine all over myself because this ITCHING IS DRIVING ME CRAZY!

2

Mods, if this needs to be moved to MPSIMS or something go ahead and move it. I put it in the pit because the feelings behind it were pit-worthy (I’ve since calmed down), and because of the swearing. I guess just edit out all the f-words if need be. Thanks.

3

No, no, lovely stream-of-consciousness venting rant. I give it a 7.5 because it lacked a certain ferocity.

Um, he hit a deer and you’re “pretty sure it’s dead”? You’re saying the deer was able to walk away? Hallelujah! It’s a miracle! The dead rise in Moggyville! :smiley:

As for “what’s going to happen next?”, not a tornado but the Janet Jackson Tour may be coming to your city.

http://essentials.msn.com/access/janet.asp

Duck and cover.

4

Hey Moggy!

If the above happens, your troubles are probably over!

5

Thanks for the laughs, Ducky and Cleo. I feel somewhat better now. We just got back from the vet, and it was just an abscessed anal gland. No surgery, just an antibiotic injection and a week’s worth of the same in pill form, plus we have to clean the area a couple times a day with peroxide. The vet said it may happen again but we’ll just have to keep an eye on him, and if it starts to happen again, and we catch it early enough, he could remove the gland. So we’ll have to do weekly butt checks on the cat from now on. Which ain’t no big thing for me, I used to be a vet tech, and I’ve expressed my cat’s anals with my bare hands before. (I know, I know, “eeeeew!”)

My husband’s insurance has a $500 deductible, so they’ll cover anything else. Besides totally crushing the tail-light, and denting the side panel, it’s driven the panel back so that it scrapes on the door when you open it. And the tail-light blinks real fast now. At least it’s still drivable. We’ll be tight on money this month but we’ll manage.

As for the deer, what I meant was that he said the deer wasn’t moving but he wasn’t going to go over and check for a pulse in case the deer was still alive and decided to kick him or whatever. The car actually knocked the shit out of the deer! My husband said that there was a big strand of saliva across the windshield, and across the side of the car there was (still is) a big smear of stinky greenish crap that has straw and grass in it.

If there’s a tornado sighting anytime soon, I’m going to dig a hole in the ground and stay there (we don’t have a basement).

6

Not to be a nag or take away from your well-deserved rant, but if in the future you or yours hits a deer, please take the time to ensure that the deer is indeed dead. And if it’s not, please put it down or call the cops and have them do it.

Thanks.

7

Manny, my husband said that the deer was indeed dead, and as he was calling the police to come & deal with the body, someone pulled up to take care of it. Apparently someone had already called about it. It’s nice to know that there are some good samaritans out there.

8

cough

Orrrr… people who know that it’s legal to keep roadkilled deer if it’s been officially reported as such?

I’m such a cynic. :smiley:

9

My $0.02 - I’ve heard Preparation H does wonders for mosquito bites - could you try it and let me know? I don’t want to get caught buying that old lady stuff if it doesn’t work, ya know.

10

Mogs, I gotta tell ya, I’ve ranted and raved in my life, as a mattter of fact, several times today.

One thing I do NOT do is stand in front of the Karma train and dare it to run me over by asking “what next”! It is one of the most perverse laws of nature that when you ask “what next”, Nature is all too willing to SHOW you!!! Please, for your own sake and ours, BE MORE CAREFUL!!!

Glad to know everyone is OK. Well, other than the deer.

Great rant!

b.

P.S. I had Poison Ivy last spring so bad I had to be hospitalised. Only relief was to stand in the hot shower. Seemed to me that the hot water short-circuited the itch reflex. My sister the RN tells me this is a bad thing, and she’s probably right, but I had to do something.

11

I will try and send some good luck your way. About the tail light flashing faster, could be one bulb blown out. Try the side that works normal and compare.