My now-husband wanted me to tell him which ring to get. I didn’t want to do that so I told him no, I wasn’t comfortable doing that and I preferred he pick it out when he was ready. He did ask for pointers, which I was fine with providing but the rest was up to him.
He polled his female friends about my position and found most of them would wear a ring they didn’t love if their fiance had picked it out for them. Clearly that’s not true in this thread but it was for them, and it certainly was for me.
For what it’s worth, he got a ring that was exactly to my taste–white gold (no allergies thankfully), princess cut and nothing else. Perfect!
I don’t think anyone here is saying they wouldn’t wear something given to them as a gesture of love, but I think most people would hope that their tastes are reflected in the ring they are given. If I were presented with a ring that was pretty but not my taste I would gladly put it on my finger and never take it off again but if it were something horrible (“It is a diamond studded Texas Longhorn! You’re from Texas so I thought you’d like that.” “But, but…I am not particularly fond of Texas. That is why I moved. Besides that, I went to A&M!”) I would still marry him without question but I would try to trade it for something more suitable to my tastes.
Ok, so how many people here would make sure, or have made sure that their stones are Canadian?
If you had a choice between a Canadian rock that failed to meet your “tastes,” or a conflict diamond (or even a diamond of unknown origin) which was something you liked, which one would you choose?
When I proposed to Mrs. R, I didn’t have a ring for her; I told her that we’d go and pick out a ring together. And we did, and we’re still married many years later, so I guess it worked out okay.
I was successful in making it clear early on that I generally only wear jewelry I picked out myself. Having set this expectation up right at the beginning has saved both of us a lot of headache.
I would much, much rather have a ring I love for its aesthetics and craftsmanship than the surprise of being given a ring I have never seen before. I know some people place more importance on the surprise. I hope those people are less rigid about design standards than I am. Hey, at least I know I’m picky.
I can’t comprehend why a guy wouldn’t make some effort to find out his girlfriend’s taste in jewelry before buying her a ring he knows she’d want to wear every day for the rest of her life.
As far as I know, diamonds are diamonds. While they no doubt vary in colour and other factors, I do not think that by and large the ones from (say) Africa look all that different in general from the ones from Canada to the average consumer.
The real question is whether one is willing to pay more for a certified one than for an uncertified one. In my opinion, I am (and was) willing to pay for the certified ones, at least in part as a guarantee of authenticity. I do not know if there is a big price difference or not.
The whole “conflict diamond” thing is a bit of a non-issue really, since there is an easy and reliable means of avoiding it.
1.) My boyfriend wouldn’t ever give me anything he wasn’t absolutely certian I would love, so this isn’t an issue.
2.) If I told him I loved him and wanted to marry him but that I wouldn’t be comfortable wearing that ring he would want me to find something I was happier with instead of having something I didn’t like on my finger all the time.
3.) So you are saying that if you proposed to your wife with a ring and she said, “honey, I love you and want to spend my life with you but I don’t need a ring…let’s trade it in and spend the money on our honeymoon!” you would have considered that “pissing on your feelings”?
Jewelry isn’t about having something to look at, it’s about having something to show off. Gemstones also do not involve any kind of artistic or human expression. They’re just objects of status.
My husband bought me a necklace a few years back that just … wasn’t to my liking. He tried very, very hard to find something he thought I would like, and I truly appreciated the effort but I couldn’t bear to have him spend that much money on something I would not wear regularly so we returned it and bought stuff for the house instead.
When it came time for my engagement ring, he purchased the diamond and I bought my own setting. Later, he took them to a jeweler to have it set with a custom head. He got to surprise me with something beautiful, and I got a ring that I absolutely love and will cherish for the rest of our lives. I think it’s the perfect symbol of our marriage as a partnership, in a way. I couldn’t be happier.
I wasn’t adamant about getting a ring but I never had one when I was married before and he wanted to get me one, but since our tastes are so different this turned out to be a great compromise.
That’s basically what my wife did say (only she said it preemptively … “Don’t waste money on a ring. I’ll return it if you do”), but you didn’t say you’d trade it to save the money, you said you’d trade it for another ring. That’s not about being sensible or selfless, it’s about telling a guy his gift isn’t good enough.
