People argued with me first. Am I not allowed to defend myself?
My husband-to-be knew I liked gold, but I usually wear very little jewelry. He surprised me with a nice diamond, cut into a rectangle (I don’t remember the fancy word for it). It wasn’t my first choice for a diamond, but it was from him, and I’ve had it on my finger for 20 years. I really don’t even notice it anymore.
But it wasn’t just that she personally didn’t like it, it’s that she would be embarrassed to show it to others, like she had to have something everyone would be jealous of. She seemed more concerned about that than whether she actually liked it, or her liking it was caught up in others’ potential opinions.
But, but, she started it. Waaahhh…
Well, let me just come out and admit I actually wanted an engagement ring. My husband and I talked extensively about what kind I wanted. I think jewelry is gorgeous and at its best comparable to other art mediums. We are not wealthy people and my motivation for having a ring had nothing to do with wealth. It has to do with the fact that I am a creature of tradition, I love jewelry, and I was very, very excited to get married. I get emotionally attached to symbolic objects sometimes because I associate them with memory, and time, and life experience.
I love my trombone, for example. Its monetary value has nothing to do with why I love it. I still remember how shiny and flawless it was the day I received it in 7th grade. I remember the day I dropped it at a University of Toledo halftime show and accidentally smashed it all to hell. I remember when the trigger string broke the night before my first solo as a Sophomore in college. It instantly reminds me of countless life experiences I’ve had as a musician. So shit–yeah, sign me up as one of those shallow people that likes material things.
If I didn’t like what my husband picked, absolutely I would tell him. My husband and I are very close and we share everything. To not tell him would be dishonest–and I know that he feels the same way. We’re both pretty up front with one another when we get gifts we don’t care for. I have more than one shirt in my closet that was originally purchased for him. Nobody’s feelings are hurt. We care more about sharing our thoughts than pretending to like well-intentioned gifts. The more feedback we get from one another, the better we get at picking out gifts for one another in the future.
It’s pretty obvious when someone is being a materialistic bitch and when they are just being honest due to the nature of the relationship.
When your original post is already pretty far afield of the question being asked by the OP, pursuing an involved follow-up argument derails the thread. There’s not a hard and fast rule for when you can respond and when you should take it to another thread – it’s just common sense and basic courtesy.
It’s as if someone starts a thread asking for opinions on Halloween costumes with an eye toward trick or treating safety, and you offer your opinion that Halloween is the same as devil worship and should not be supported. That initial post is already kind of dickish. Arguing with the inevitable dissenting opinions is just compounding the dickishness. Eventually, we’ll step in and tell you to stop, hence post #59. But it would be nicer if it didn’t happen in the first place.
Easy, there. This isn’t the Pit.
What exactly is an ugly setting? From what I remember these things run in trends like clothing fashion and most likely repeat themselves over time.
Even bell-bottoms came back. What could be so bad about a setting?
Check out this Good, Bad, and the Ugly thread on a site dedicated to diamonds and gemstones for some examples.
Really though, it’s personal taste, although there are some styles that will be more commonly considered to be beautiful or ugly than others (just like any other decoration or fashion).
In the several months before Mr.Q and I got engaged I had several anxiety-related dreams about receiving a horrible engagement ring. (In one dream the ring was about 2" in diameter and had a cat toy dangling from it. Very vivid dream.)
Fortunately, we didn’t have a traditional “proposal” but just agreed one day that we would get married. When he said we could go get a ring later in the week, I replied that I didn’t really need one, but quickly came around to his point of view when he said he’d like to buy me one! I went shopping with a girlfriend over a couple of lunch hours, and then showed him the one I wanted when we finally went shopping together.
I wouldn’t have had it any other way. I would NOT have wanted to be surprised.
Humm - tough question. I agree with the OP - CB is a horrible, shallow hose-beast; however, I can feel sympathy about being given something that you REALLY don’t like and being expected to wear it every day (which is typically what happens with an engagement ring).
I’ve always been very, very particular and clear when talking about these things with Walter Lang - I did NOT want a diamond for an engagement ring. Partly for the reasons Diogenes mentioned (although I’m not sure why he had to be so douchy and morally superior to express those reasons) and partly because I just really am not into diamonds - not even nifty Canadian ones with a polar bear etched in them.
I think that if Walter had wound up getting me a big, honkin’ diamond I would have been disappointed - not because I don’t like diamonds, but because he obviously wasn’t listening to me - which would be a drag.
However, if I had never mentioned anything about it, and received a ring with a big honkin’ pear shaped diamond with a gold band I think I would have been sad (that’s REALLY not my style) but I would have still worn it because it was from him. Then, maybe at an anniversary, I would have suggested having it redone into something a bit more my style.
Waitaminit. You didn’t marry the guy and you still have the engagement ring? If it was me, I’d expect to get it back. An engagement ring is a conditional gift.
If a woman breaks and engagement she is DEFINITELY supposed to give back the ring. If the guy breaks the engagement, she keeps it, if she wants it, as a compensation.
This leapt out at me too. I would like to know more; why wasn’t the ring returned?
The way I read it she could have married him and then gotten divorced. It doesn’t say she didn’t get married, just that it didn’t last long.
If I ask for a divorce, am I supposed to give back my engagement and wedding rings? I guess I’ve never really thought about it before. Unfortunately, I’m having to do just that. What’s the answer?
I noted that as well, XJETGIRLX. I didn’t want to jump to any conclusions. It still strikes me as odd that she felt the ring was ugly, but she kept it anyway.
Edit: I’d say that if there’s a wedding, the rings become the property of the couple to do with as they please.
An engagement ring is conditioned upon the marriage’s occurring. Divorce is a separate issue.
Well, I’ve never met anyone who had an easier/more satisfactory engagement ring purchase than I did. My then-girlfriend and I had been together for about 6 years already, so I knew her very well. Her grandmother had a beautiful old engagement ring/wedding band set that she loved, and grandma wasn’t wearing anymore. Then her mom and my mom both offered us the diamonds out of their own wedding and engagement rings which they weren’t wearing either. We took them to a local jeweler and had them recreate the old rings with our mothers’ (bigger) diamonds.
I ended up with an engagement ring to propose to her with (worth about 20 times what I actually paid for it) that I knew for an obvious fact that she would absolutely love. And, of course, I knew that she’d say yes. And every time she shows it to someone new, they tend to think very highly of me. 
Then, of course, when I got my wedding ring I didn’t really like it and we got a new one.
I’m very particular about all sorts of other things I wear on my body - my clothing, my shoes, my glasses - and jewellery isn’t necessarily going to get a pass just for sentimental reasons. Call me shallow, but I’d probably feel disappointed if I was given an engagement ring that was ugly.*
Ditto on this. I’m pretty specific in my tastes as far as design goes, so if The Boy was completely off the mark, I’d wonder what other things he wasn’t paying attention to.
I’m lucky, though, because he HAS been paying attention. I’ve always said that I’d want my engagement ring to be designed by a cousin who creates custom jewellery for a living… she’s known me my whole life, knows my style inside-out, and I’ve yet to see a design of hers that I didn’t love. And now that we’re starting to talk marriage, he spoke with her last month and has commissioned her to design my future engagement ring.
So really, whatever they surprise me with, I’m sure it’ll be beautiful… but even if it’s not, I’ll probably still like it because it’s still proof that he paid attention to what’s important to me. It’s a two-way road, too… I’ll be commissioning a different designer whose rings he’s been not-so-secretly coveting for a couple of years, because it’s something he’ll be wearing every day too.
- And by ugly, I mean U-G-L-Y in the design sense. The size of the stone doesn’t matter much to me, nor does the cost of the ring… in fact, I’d actually prefer not to get a diamond because I’ve always thought they’re overrated (colour wins over sparkle every time, as far as I’m concerned).