I think one of the most embarressing things to have happened to me was when I was walking in the park and I saw this dude who I had a HUGE crush on forever come towards me, walking his dog…we were flirting and shit, when suddenly his dog started to hump me! Biiiig dog too, it knocked me over and mounted me…my guy was laughing so hard I thought he’d choke or something…I was so mortified I wanted to move away forever!
I was rooting around in my purse a few days ago, looking for my lighter, in front of about fifteen people on the smoking terrace at work. And I found a pair of underwear that were in there - I completely forget about them. They were dirty too, but they didn’t smell or anything.
Just don’t ask how they got there in the first place!
I turned bright red but played it off.
Thanks, winneee. Here’s a song to make you feel better, too…
A scotsman clad in kilt left the bar one evening fair
One could tell by the way he walked he’d drunk more than his share.
He stumbled 'round till he could no longer keep his feet
Then he stumbled off into the grass to sleep beside the street
(chorus)
Ring-di-diddle-i-didi-o
Ring-di-diddle-i-o
(Last line of verse)
About that time two young and lovely girls happened by
One says to the other with a twinkle in her eye
See yon sleeping scotsman so proud and handsome built
I wonder if it’s true what they don’t wear beneath the kilt.
(chorus)
They crept up on that sleeping scotsman quiet as could be.
And lifted up his kilt just an inch so they could see
And there behold for them to view, beneath his scotish skirt.
Was nothing more than god had graced him with upon his birth.
(chorus)
They marveled for a moment, one said we must be gone
Lets leave a present for our friend, before we move along.
They left a blue silk ribbon, tied into a bow
Around the bonny star the scots kilt did lift and show
(chorus)
The scotsman woke to nature’s call, and stumbled towards a tree.
Behind the bush he lifts his kilt and gawks at what he sees.
In a startled voice he says to what’s before his eyes
Och, I dont know where you’ve been me boy, but I see you’ve won first prize!
(chorus)
And when his wife inquired to where he’d been and what he’d done,
he said there had been a contest at the pub and he had won,
She said, “How could you show that thing in front of all those men?”
“I dinna show it all, me lass, just enough to win!”
(chorus)
