It was just mortifying. Period.

In My Humble Opinion
1

So, I walk out the door yesterday feeling like I’ve once again conquered the mad-woman-running-around-like-a-maniac thing that just happens to me every morning.

Sure, I took the clothes directly out of the dryer and didn’t miss a beat while slapping them on me. But they were the kind of clothes that are cool with that. No wrinkles. They want you to do that; hanging in a closet is no life for a piece of clothing.

As I was putting half and half in my coffee at the place I normally put half and half in my coffee at, I was feeling great and even a little bit happening. I was getting some glances. Hmmm. What’s that about I thought to myself as I felt a little more happening. And then…

A man tapped me on the back and said,

“Do you know you have a sock stuck to your shirt?”

I’m thinking I might be able to go back by next summer. Fall at the latest.

Anyone want to make me feel a fraction less humiliated?

2

A sock really isn’t that bad. At least it wasn’t your underwear. :slight_smile:

3

I’ll spare you my really bad story- everyone is sick of it. However, once a couple of friends of mine and I were at a function and my male friend had a pantyliner stuck to his sweatshirt, right across the back. It must have gone through the wash by accident. I almost ruptured something laughing.

Zette

4

True, blue (no cute rhyming intended).

But let’s be clear. It was a sock sock, not a, hmmm…something-of-the-same-color-seems-to-be-affixed-to her-clothing sock. (White running sock on a black shirt…how the hell it managed to cling to me during the drive I’ll never know.)

Of course, underwear would’ve been worse, and I thank you for that.

5

At least you didn’t walk into the coffee shop dragging a shirt attached to your sock.

6

did you know that Semen flouresces under black light?

do you know that often, if you hand wash a shirt, it isn’t really completely clean?

did you know that often, folks use shirts in a “post-coital” fashion, if towels are unreachable from the bed?

do you know how common blacklights are incredibly common at local clubs?
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did you know it’s possible, if badly enough embarrased, to drink oneself unconscious in an amazingly short amount of time?

7

Why just last Saturday I had an event that left me thinking- “Man, I can be a dumbshit”.

I was recently in AZ spending some time with my grandmother. Thinking I might have a chance to get some sun and rub it in the noses of friends when I got back, I pre-tanned at a local tanning salon before I left. While I was in AZ, the amount of tanning time was pretty non-existent. So, when I got back I went in again and tanned another half-hour.

I know, I know, unhealthy blah blah blah. But I like it and that’s all I care about.

So after my last tan, I realize I might have over done it and may have gotten more sun in AZ than I thought.

Out comes the lotion. Lots of it.

Saturday morning I head over to Hudson to my Aunts house to have lunch and pick up some things. I shower, dress, and take off. It’s about 45 minutes away.

Along the way it occurs to me I should stop and pick up some supplies for the apartment. It also occurs to me I’ll be passing a Target. Cool…

I walk in, grab a cart, and begin to shop. I’m minding my own business and cruising the aisles. I notice not once, not twice, but whole bunch of times that people are looking at me. Not a ‘hey there fella’ look, but a ‘I wonder what’s up with him’ look.

I notice this, but it doesn’t register more than a hmm with me.

I get to my Aunts, chat with her and a couple of neighbors who had stopped by, and make a beeline for the bathroom. I mean, it’s been about an hour and a half now. I gotta go.

I do my duty and proceed to wash my hands. Only then did I look in the mirror and discover the reason for the looks.

Not only did I have a two-day beard growing, but I forgot to put on the damn lotion before I left. The new whisker growth had apparently pushed out a thin layer of newly peeled skin to the point of making me look like a leper. I rubbed my face with my hand to get rid of it and the counter below looked like it had been hit by a snowstorm.

I looked truly hideous. Almost like some odd experiment had been done on my face. The worst part of it was the fact that I actively smiled and chatted away with people at Target and my Aunts house. The whole time I acted like nothing was amiss or off at all.

Being distracted when heading out the door in the morning never has resulted in anything positive for me.

8

Dear God Tristan, how in the world… Nah. I really don’t want to know.

9

Why would you be embarrased? There are tons of things that flouresce under black light. I mean isn’t that sort of the point of black light coolness… and anyway who besides yourself would know what the flourescing stuff was?

10

No kidding. You could be the height of fashion. I mean, a white sock would look really cool stuck on a black shirt under a black light.

11

How nice of that guy to tell you. The worse would have been to have gone the whole day and then when you are back home realized nobody was polite enough to inform you. Those who were staring at you were probably trying to think of a polite way to tell you and NOT laughing at you.

12

Well, I had a friend that, in high school, had underwear fall out of her pants. Yes, she’d worn the pants the day before and her panties were stuck in the leg. Everyone was in the hallway when they fell out, and suddenly everyone was like “Who’s panties are those?”. I guess she just stood back and pretended that they weren’t hers.

As for myself, I’ve had the same thing happen with socks. Of course, I don’t embarrass easily, so I’m just like “What the hell is that? Oh, a sock. Well, how odd”.

13

A friend told me this story. A (not so little) co-worker came out of the bathroom with her dress hem tucked into the back of her pantyhose. She was not wearing panties. My friend saw her at the end of the hall and ran to catch up with her to tell her, but was too late.

Now what’s so embarassing about a sock? :slight_smile:

14

When my friend, oh, let’s call her Melanie to protect the doomed, was in high school, one day she was wearing a peach-colored dress, walking down the hall between classes. A friend suddenly came right up behind her, nearly touching, and whispered, “Go to the girls’ bathroom, right now!” “Why?” “Just go – now!” Melanie did, and her friend stayed right behind her the whole way. When she got to the bathroom, she found out that her Auntie Flo had arrived without her knowledge.

15

Well, I think a semen stain would probably be obvious. It has a distinctive stain, visible very well under blacklights. Yuck. Definitely keep these observations in mind.

16

So, it would be really bad and mean of me to just point at your privates and let out a hearty:

BWHA HA HA!!!

Oh, sorry, I couldn’t help it. Hey, life and laundry sucks sometimes… in more ways than one… I’m really trying hard not to be cute here…

:slight_smile:

17

I live in fear of powerful updrafts at Scottish Festivals and Highland Games. I do NOT want to be remembered as the big hairy guy who did a “Marylin” in front of the crowd…

18

I just want to say a big, huge thank you to all those who have had made my humiliation more bearable. The pantyliner story hit me in the heart. Underwear dropping from pants and immediately disowned by said static smuggler is 007-esque. The black lightbulb is just, ummm, really damn funny. LMAO about the leper. At least no one screamed when you kilted them, big guy. Basically just the whole thing made me feel better. Group hug.

19

Ooops. Hey; just realized he hasn’t kilted anyone yet but lives only in fear. Let’s just hope they don’t scream if it ever happens then…

20

I always wondered where all the missing socks from my basket ended up. Now I know. Could you send back any more of my socks that end up stuck to your shirts?