It's a new year - time for fresh new mini-rants!

I love you, wife. The day you married me was the happiest of my life… until you gave birth to our daughter. Now that is the happiest day of my life.

About a year ago, we decided to give up the landline, going completely cellular. We save anywhere between $200-400/year by not paying the extra money for a landline. However, I do have one minor quibble…

WHY THE FUCK DO YOU TURN OFF YOUR CELLPHONE IF IT’S THE ONLY MEANS OF CONTACTING YOU??? AND WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN BY “WELL, I TURN IT OFF WHEN I CHARGE IT”? YOU DON’T NEED TO TURN OFF YOUR ONLY MEANS OF COMMUNICATION TO CHARGE A GODDAMNED CELLPHONE!!!

I still love you madly, deeply. But dammit, stop turning off your cellphone!

Yes, I know that, and I’m sorry that you’ve learned this, too.

Best advice I can offer is to use Metamucil or some similar fiber therapy powder. It’ll help absorb the extra moisture in the watery bits, and loosen up the bits that are too small and hard. It’ll even things out, in other words.

We got the Property Assessment Notice for our new house last week. Okay, house value has gone down a bit, but no problem, because the taxes probably will too. Yesterday I got the Property Assessment Notice for the house we sold last summer - with us still listed as the owners. Hmm, this isn’t right. Call the lawyer - yup, title transfer went through land titles no problem. Call the City - nope, we have no idea why you are still listed as the owners of a house you sold. We’ll look into it and get back to you. When I asked him if the ownership transfer date would be back-dated to the day the new owners took possession of the house so we wouldn’t be on the hook for any part of the taxes for a house we didn’t own, he would not give me that assurance. I would not be worried about being charged taxes for a house we don’t own, except this is the city we’re talking about, and they pretty much do as they please.

I can also see a scenario where we have to pay $30 to challenge this assessment and have a deadline to do so, and they just charge us the taxes if we miss that deadline (which could happen because we’re waiting on the city to figure out what they did wrong, and it has already taken them five months to miss taking our names off this title).

I once read that if you collect enough of it, you can make a jacket that’s guaranteed not to collect polyester.

Oh.

Then who is?

Me. I’m learning to share.

Well, if you collect enough of it, you could reuse it as a massive fire hazard.

What about stuffing pillows with it?

Okay, this made me laugh way too hard.

Fire-safe cigarettes. It’s the day before payday, and I’m raiding the change jar for a pack of Pall Malls since they’re cheap(ish.) Dear Og these things are disgusting.

Another news rant, they aren’t even trying anymore. ABC just showed a few minutes of nothing but newspaper cover stories on Haiti. What the fuck? Seriously, you can’t come up with anything else and have to resort to newspapers? You have fucking video cameras there!

Our thermostat at work broke.

I was the first one in today, and as soon as I opened the door, this whoosh of hot air hit me. After searching out the thermostat, I saw it was 93F/34C.

For fuck’s sake, Mother Nature, we want a little bit of warmth here, but we’re talking say 5C. This? No dice.

To add insult to injury, we’re on the second floor with no external openings. We’re turning on the AC. In January. In Canada.

I’ve gotten hooked on Pawn Stars, and have my DVR set up to record new episodes. However, for the past few weeks the History channel has been running blocks of older episodes on Mondays, and for some reason my DVR is adding those to my record list; I suspect it has something to do with the way they’re listed in the program guide. Since my DVR only records two shows at a time, the 8pm reruns almost made me miss Chuck this Monday. Fortunately, I had checked the To Do list earlier in the day and, after verifying that the Pawn Star episodes were actually reruns, deleted them from the list.

This should have been dealt with by your real estate lawyer. Let him sort it out - that’s why you pay for his services. Notifying the City of change of ownership should have been part and parcel of the real estate transaction.

My first call was to my lawyer’s office - once they verified that they did everything on their end (getting land titles changed, etc.) it was lobbed into my court to deal with the City’s incompetence.

Read. The. Freaking. Thread. The rest of us aren’t just posting because we feel our fingers are getting too fat and need the exercise - we are actually trying to contribute something to the ongoing discussion. Just posting without reading is like coming into a group of people and just starting to blare away without making any effort to find out what the group is already talking about.

Read. The. Freaking. Thread. The rest of us aren’t just posting because we feel our fingers are getting too fat and need the exercise - we are actually trying to contribute something to the ongoing discussion. Just posting without reading is like coming into a group of people and just starting to blare away without making any effort to find out what the group is already talking about.

I know this actuary is smart, because she has a giant string of letters after her name. And yet, this morning, I wasted way too much time because she can’t be bothered to learn, remember, or understand the basics of what certain programs can and cannot do. When you hand me a SCANNED PDF of a big table, and ask me to put it into Excel, YES, I have to enter it all by hand, squinting at the blurry numbers that I can’t read much better than you. Which is why I fucking ASKED YOU if you needed all the data. And you said YES, you stupid bint. It’s a good thing I gave you a status update when you were near my desk AT LEAST AN HOUR LATER, at which point you stupidly asked, “Oh, you’re typing it all in? You can’t just copy and paste it?” NO. YOU. FUCKING. MORON. LIKE. I’VE TOLD. YOU. TEN. TIMES. BEFORE. YOU. CAN’T. COPY. FROM. A. SCAN. JESUS. FUCKING. CHRIST. So only THEN do you show me how little of the data you actually need–maybe 10% of what’s on the exhibit.

:smack::smack::smack::smack::smack:

You’re not helping either, Mr. Consultant Who Can’t Look Up Project Codes, Even Though I’ve Shown Him How to Do It Several Dozen Times. Seriously, dude, it takes five seconds.

Oh, good. I coudln’t stop laughing when I was writing it, either, but that’s not always a good indication.

Are you missing something in the tens place there? 'Cause 5C is apparently about 41F, and that would be freezing for a workplace.

Here’s a good one.

Our dishwasher broke sometime in mid-December. We called someone to come in and look at it. My husband got the flu, so we had to postpone. He came in, said we needed a cheap part and that he could probably get it within the week. Took him another week and a half to get it and get it installed. It promptly broke again a week later. He came out again, said it was another cheap part, and that he’d be back within the week. I said “Great, because one of us will be home all week anyway.” It was the week between Christmas and New Year’s, and my kid’s day care was closed.

Whole week went by, and nothing. We started calling after the holiday. At first, they tried to tell us that they had no record of ever having come out to our house, but then we got the service number from the previous visit, and they said they’d “look into it.” We followed up twice that week, and again the following week, when they finally told us that they’d have someone out. The boss came out yesterday, and told us that our four-year-old dishwasher needed at least $250 of work to get running again, and another $150 to be good-as-new due to a rusting-out rack. No thanks. We decided to get a new dishwasher, after getting the run-around for a MONTH as to whether or not it was fixable.

So last night, my husband went to the grocery store to get Sears gift cards in the amount we needed to buy the dishwasher we’d picked out online earlier that day. We do this all the time for big-ticket items, because the store offers discounts on both food and gas depending on how much you spend there, and gift cards count. I went to Sears online and ordered the dishwasher, paying the few dollars extra of sales tax with the same card that we used to buy the gift cards. About 30 minutes later, Sears sent us an e-mail saying that we had to use another form of payment, because the Discover card was declined. The link to do so, however, didn’t work, so we had to call Customer Service. They informed us that since the Discover Card was declined, they declined the entire purchase, INCLUDING the gift cards…which take up to 5 days to refill.

By the evening, all but one $100 gift card had refilled, but after a month of no dishwasher, and knowing that the installation date went from the 16th to the 23rd just by waiting from the afternoon to the evening, we had no real choice but to order the dishwasher and pay another $100 out of pocket. We’re going to use the gift card, and then never buy anything from Sears again, not to mention cancelling the Discover card, who saw fit to freeze the card based on fraud for something we’ve done multiple times (we bought a HDTV on Best Buy gift cards purchased from the same location five months ago, FCS). What a freakin’ mess.

Hey, Blue Cross HMO: do you ever pause to think what the utterly predictable result of your policies will be?

As in, you decided to make ALL your patient’s authorizations to visit specialists expire on the SAME day!

Guess what that means? Think hard.

Yes, exactly. You will received hundreds, no thousands, hell likely tens of thousands of phone calls and faxs and letters requestng new authorizations ALL AT THE SAME TIME.

And when you can’t respond in two weeks, yes, some of the patients will need service from us and we WILL call you to try to get the process expedited.
So do NOT have your customer reps offer up “we’re sorry about the delay, but it’s a busy time for us” and expect to garner any sympathy!

Idiots. The world is full of idiots.