Ok, that’s the short version; here’s the long version:
Our presidential elections are precendented on the electoral college, and the college is based on the states. Your job is to explain the states to us.
I thought this was going to be easy but I got stuck at Massachusettes. You guys are a lot smarter than I am; pick up the ball and run with it. I’m really curious to see what y’all come up with.
Alaska: Oil. Bears. Moose. Wolves. Oh, and we’re up here and you’re down there, so fuck off. We have oil and we’d be our own country if Canada wasn’t in the way.
Alabama: Birmingham church bombings. But we’re trying really hard and we’d be better if all of those negroes weren’t in our way.
Arkansas: We elected Bill Clinton a bunch of times back when he was trying to be black, but now he’s moved to New York City so fuck him. And his wife.
Arizona: Cowboys, scrub pine, and dry washes. And about 25,000 snowbirds who vacation down here when it gets too cold Up North.
California: The land of fruits and nuts. And cowboys. And Latinos. And movie stars. And Compton. And landslides, earthquakes, and wildfires. Oh, hell – we’re so fucked up, the more money the feds can give us the better.
Colorado: From the mountains, to the valleys, to the……wait, we don’t have any oceans. Fuck you guys!
Florida: We’d like the rich Jewish Palm Beach set a lot more if we had state income tax.
Hawaii: You fucking white people suck.
Iowa: We are smarter than the average bear and not single issue people; that’s why our primaries are up front. Convince us.
Idaho: See Alaska
Illinois We’re Democrat. My brother-in-law’s cousin’s husband’s wife said we had to be.
Kentucky: We don’t care, as long as you don’t fuck with off-track betting or Nashville Row.
Louisiana: Why don’t we sit down and talk about it over a couple of Hurricanes?
Massachusetts: John F. Kennedy. We’d say “nuff said” if it wasn’t for the fact that you can’t translate that into Brahmin.
Maryland: We’re smarter than Virginia.
Utah: We’re all going to heaven and you’re not. Plus: we’re the only state where a 55 year old man can marry his 14 year old cousin. Oh yeah, there’s some National Parks down south where the heathens and brown people live.
Mountains cover the state, Mexican Americans and Native Americans far outnumber cowboys, snow in the northern and far southern regions, we have the biggest hole in the country, and I’d venture a guess that there are a hell of a lot more than 25,000 snowbirds. Hot and dry in Phoenix.
Maine: The only state in the union that borders only one other state. In fact, you could probably lop us right of the end of New Hampshire and I don’t think anybody would even notice.
And we have lobsters, if you like that kind of thing.
Oklahoma: A bunch of liars and cheats claimed their land before they were supposed to so we decided to honor them by naming every sports mascot and even the whole damn state after them. And we have red dirt.
:eek:
:rolleyes::mad::p;):D:(:dubious:
smack: