I don’t want an elephant at all. I want a gorilla named Davy who can beat up all the skateboard kids who pull on my underwear. And he can take his orders from the talking walnut so it won’t be my bad thing.
He’s not going to say fuck stick in front of the children, is he?
Fuck the loofah, let’s go!
This movie is a Christmas Eve tradition in the zoog household. This movie and an unhealthy amount of bourbon.
Well, wish in one hand and shit in the other. See which one fills up first.
[Willie has just passed out]
Gin: Look here, get himy outta here and I’ll go smooth things over with Chipeska, Tell him it was food poisoning or something.
Marcus: What do you mean, get him outta here?
Gin: Take him to the car.
Marcus: In case you didn’t notice I’m a motherfucking dwarf, so unless you got a forklift handy, maybe you should lend a hand hmm?
Gin: That figures. You want all kind of set-asides. Special treatment 'cause you’re handicapped. You’re all the same.
Marcus: Special treatment? I’m 3-foot-fucking-tall you asshole! It’s a matter of physics. Draw me a sketch of how I get him to the car, huh?
Gin: Bitch, Bitch, Bitch!
Marcus: Sketch it up, you fucking moron. Fucking Leonardo da Vinci.
Gin: What’d you call me thigh-high?
Marcus: I called you a fucking guinea homo from the 15th-fucking-century, you dickhead!
Gin: I could stick you up my ass, small fry.
Marcus: Yeah? You sure it ain’t too sore from last night?
Gin: You got some lip on you midget.
Marcus: yeah? Well these lips were on your wife’s pussy last night. Why don’t you dust that thing off once in a while? Asshole!
Look who’s here! It’s Santa! Tell Santa what you want for Christmas!
I’m on my fuckin’ lunch break, okay!?
The manager’s going to hear about this!
You think you’re a threat? You think you can make my fucking life any worse? Go ahead, take a shot!
Willie: Well, who the fuck takes care of you then?
Kid: Grandma.
Willie: Yeah, what’s her name?
Kid: Grandma.
Willie: (Pulls on mask, gets out lead sap) Is she spry?
Kills me everytime. That, and Lauren Graham’s paean to Santa…