The beginning of October is death anniversary season for me. On October 10th, 1985, my best friend killed himself, setting off a chain of events for me that ended with my entering treatment for my addiction/alcholism in December of that year. This is many, many years ago now, but I often find myself thinking about him around this time of year, usually totally out of the blue (as in, I’ll think about him, wonder why, and then realize, oh right, it’s October).
My father died on September 4th, 1988, but since his birthday was October 3rd, he’s become part of the early October death anniversary season.
None of these are overwhelmingly sad thoughts, I no longer get as seriously squirrelly this time of year, the way I did back in the late '80s/early '90s, when they were still fresh wounds … it’s just a weird, poignant time of year for me.
Two years ago, my cousin in law, and very good friend at 47 yo, on Thanksgiving, just before dinner died on my Mom’s living room floor. He had health problems, but looked good that day.
He was talking to my Wife. And boom. Just went down. My brother and I performed CPR on him to no avail.
My bro and I went back to my moms house the next day to steam clean the carpet from the mess. Quite surreal.
One of many things that puts a kink in our familys Thanksgiving.
I know what you mean, Twix. For me, it’s February. My Mom died on Feb 15, 1997, my Dad died Feb 11, 2004 and my 14 year old dog died last Feb 17 (not that I put him on par with my parents, but it just seemed so…I don’t even know what…to lose him, too, in that time period). And to make it all really special, my birthday is Feb 8. It’s not bad enough it’s in Blizzard month, now it’s in Death Month, too. Good thing, I guess, that I’m getting old enough that birthdays don’t mean much anyway.
The prelude starts in the Fall, the time of the year when both of my parents began to fail - just this sense of sadness and memories that crop up for no reason here and there.
One of my favorite teachers (and one of my best friend’s fathers to boot) died at the end of October. His funeral was on Halloween (which I’m pretty sure he’d have loved). He spoke at his own funeral - he’d prerecorded something becaue he knew he was dying. I lost it.
For me, the death season is December. Another good teacher of mine died Dec. 23, 2002. My great grandfather died Dec. 20, 2004. A good friend of ours died last Dec. 21, 2005. All in the same week, even, and right before Christmas.
My mom’s death anniversary is March 27, 1987 – and though I think of her at that time of year, it’s not a two-week preoccupation, the way it is in October. I think it’s because the year is starting to come to an end – yeah, fall is about back to school and fresh beginnings, but it’s also the season when nature’s seasonal death begins. Not a coincidence that Jews celebrate New Year around the equinox, I don’t think.
Plus, as I said, there was the chain of events that led to my going into treatment – so it’s also the beginning of the end of my drinking and drugging self.
Twickster, I’m right with you. My dad died Oct. 19 in 1990 (and one of my sisters’ birthday is Oct. 20), and in 1998, my nephew, an EMT, was killed in the line of duty in early October, then my mom died on Oct. 31. And I have some very poignant memories of wonderful things happening in October in a relationship that is now sort of unraveling, so that adds to my sense of sadness this time of year.
Early May is mine – my dad died May 6, 1993. I don’t completely fall apart, but I tend to be pretty down for a few days. I was seventeen. I miss him, dammit.
