I saw this coming, actually. When I learned last Sunday she had refused further dialysis attempts (also no surprise) and was about to be moved to a hospice, I thought, “I bet she hangs on until my birthday.” First, because it would be Just My Luck. Secondly, because it would be a fitting end for our (at times pretty fraught) relationship. Thirdly, because my father also died near my (14th) birthday, a week and a half before.
If someone or Someone is trying to send me a message by offing family members near my natal day, I wish to Og they’d find some other communications medium. Writing on the wall in letters of fire would do nicely, thanks.
I’m so sorry for your loss. Losing a parent is tough – perhaps even more so when she was someone with whom you had a fraught relationship. You’re in my thoughts and prayers.
Please accept my condolences. From what you write it seems as if she tried to time it so that she would pass away on your birthday, and maybe that’s true. While it’s bound to be hard for you, it may have actually made death easier for her to face, allowing her last thoughts to be not of death, but rather on the life that she had given, and on how part of her will live on through you.
Take a step back and don’t personalise it so much.
Your father’s death within a week and a half of your birthday means nothing. A week and a half either side of your birthday covers about 6% of the year.
It is the amazing power of coincidence.
I read about a woman, years ago, who had her husband die in WWI and her son die in WWII within 10 yards of one another.
My heartfelt sympathies on both counts - the loss and your birthday being the same day. Oddly enough, I can fully relate. And in February, no less. My birthday is Feb 8. My mother died on Feb 15, 1997; my father died seven years later on Feb 11. My longtime, beloved dog died Feb 17th, two years ago. And I’m currently watching my 15 year old cat, with a tumor in his mouth, go downhill rapidly and wondering if he, too, will be a February statistic. I’m hoping he can at least hold on for another week or two. I used to love February. Now, it just plain sucks.
Again, my sympathies and I’ll pray your February isn’t any more tarnished than it is now.
My condolences, and not to say " I know how you feel," but here’s my story.
My namesake, my fathers beloved Grandmother was buried on my 12th birthday. I wasn’t allowed to go to the funeral, even though I wanted to. I got to go to school, come home, deliver my flyers and make supper for my brother and I. (I remember I made hot dogs and soup.) It was about 3 days later when my parents produced a card and a really dry store bought cake. I think they gave me 50 bucks (a fair bit for the early 80’s)
I realize its nobody’s fault, especially since my Great Grandmother died on Labour Day weekend, but I still think that her executor, my Grandma could have picked a different day.
Years later my mom’s dad dies the same day as a well known popular member of the British Monarchy, and he was buried a day or so from my birthday. That one the funeral birthday party didnt bother me as the every year reminder of his death, when tv shows endless specials about the life and times of… Well, now that 10 years have gone by, maybe the media will give it a rest.
I am sorry for your loss. Let me say this, though: to me it seems more likely that she wanted to make it PAST your birthday, or UNTIL your birthday, because your birth was a joyous moment in her history. Entropy was just stronger than her will.
My grandma died on my 35th birthday. After enough time had passed that I could joke about it, I would mention it every time my birthday came up. Dad always said that he was going to die on my birthday just to piss me off. Damned if he didn’t come close. My birthday is the 1st of December and he died on the 3rd.
I’m sorry for your loss. Sending supporting thoughts your way.
I got the co-incidences too. My maternal grandmother died on June 23 - five years later I was born -on June 23. My maternal grandfather died fifteen years later - on June 23.
Pretty much every birthday will involve someone in the family bringing up the amazing fact that Granddad died 20 years to the day after his wife, oh and happy birthday.
Thanks, everyone, for the kind words and thoughts. Aside from a tendency to burst into tears at odd intervals when I’m alone, I’m basically OK. To the extent that I’m not OK, I will be OK, eventually.
I should clarify that Mom certainly didn’t intend to die on my birthday, and I shouldn’t have given any impression otherwise. She lost consciousness sometime Monday night and never regained it. The timing of her death was as much random chance as a hailstorm on the Forth of July.
If she had been able to choose I doubt she’d have lasted that long. As I said, she refused dialysis, and pretty much everything else except a morphine drip and an oxygen tube, while she was still able to express preferences. She was ready to die. If she had been awake she’d probably have been cussing the Grim Reaper to stop farting around and swing the damn scythe already; it would have been like her.
My father had a stroke which left him in a vegetative state on Sunday morning. Tuesday afternoon, we shut off his respirator, and on Wednesday morning he died.
My sister is in your shoes, that was her birthday.
I feel sad for you mate and I hope that you get through it O.K.time IS a healer.
Everyone I know who has died of natural causes seem to have done so round about the christmas period but I suspect that that is true across the board for a lot of people.