It's Easier To Socialize With People Who Only Have One Face, Thanks

The BBQ Pit
1

So, I’m at work today, and I hear an occasional whisper about “tonight.”

As it turns out, my colleagues made plans to go out to the bar. Not just one or two of them together. All of them.

No, I was not invited.

For several weeks now, my colleagues have not been speaking to me, and for the life of me, I do NOT know why. To the best of my knowledge, I haven’t wronged any of them. But the more I hear them talk amongst themselves, the less I care. I don’t hear them gossip about me, but I do hear them talk about each other. And I hate that. I really, really hate it. So I quit trying to figure out what was up with them, and started keeping to myself.

A few days ago, though, they started talking to me again. I don’t know why. And again, I don’t care. I just keep it light and pleasant, or strictly work-related. They aren’t my friends anymore, just colleagues.

But today, I did something I don’t normally do. I deliberately dug at one of my colleagues. And it felt good.

As I was leaving today, I very pleasantly said “have a good time tonight.” This is what followed:

Colleague: Good time? Doing what?
Persephone: Well, you guys are going out to the bar tonight, right?
C: (pushing herself back in her chair, putting her hands on her thighs, copping a HUGE attitude) Uh, YEAH.
P: (smiling pleasantly) Have a good time!

Then I left.

A friend of mine, who also works there (but is currently on sick leave, and was there to pick me up because my car is broken) was in the office at the time this happened, and witnessed the whole exchange. As we were leaving, she looked at me and said “What was THAT all about?”

I told her, and then I said “But you know, even if they had invited me, I wouldn’t have gone. They don’t talk to me, then they do. They stab each other in the back, then hang out together like lifelong friends. I don’t want to spend my free time with them, because it’s much easier to socialize with people who only have one face.”

I will stand next to them in solidarity as my city undergoes some of the darkest times in it’s history. We’re facing layoffs, wage freezes and cuts, and cuts in our benefits. As employees, they’re fine. They work hard, and work well. As humans, though, they suck.

I don’t wish them ill. Really, I don’t. I mean, what’s the point? My life is far too full of other problems to bother wishing bad on them. Besides, it’s against my religion. But I do hope that my colleague heard me. She’s a smart woman, and actually, I did used to think of her as a friend. I hope she heard everything I didn’t say. I hope she heard me say “no, I’m not hurt by you people planning around me. Because you guys suck, and I don’t care about you anymore.”

2

Nice final jab, good for you, Pers.

3

You’re too good for those people, Persephone.

Not to hijack this into a religious persecution thread or anything, but do you think their attitude is related to your Paganism? They might not just be mean, but small-minded and mean. Lovely combination :rolleyes:

I ask because you have always struck me as a very intelligent, funny person and I can’t figure why you’d be treated this way. You rock, they suck, end of story.

4

rosebud: I don’t discuss my religion at work. I don’t discuss anyone’s religion at work, in fact. IMHO, it’s not an issue. To my knowledge, they don’t know that I’m not Christian. I wear a couple of pieces of small, unobtrusive Pagan jewelry, but that’s it for advertising.

I hesitate to believe that that would be it, anyway. Where I work, racism is a major issue (not in my office, though, thank goodness). The thought that they would collectively discriminate against me because of my religion…well, they’re not my friends, but I don’t think they’re quite that screwed up.

And thanks for the kind words.

5

Persephone

For what it’s worth, I think you have handled the situation in the most graceful way that you can. Thank heaven that the position I’m currently in is actually working with mature adults and it’s so refreshing!

I, too, refuse to engage in office gossip and all the backstabbing that goes along with it. You deserve much better associates than that. Don’t allow them to “steal your peace”. :slight_smile:

6

Ya want I should smack 'em around for ya?

7

I’ll give them the Swanton Bomb for you. :slight_smile:

8

And, of course do remember, that I have friends in [sub]low places[/sub] should the need arise.

9

[reads OP]
[leaps out of chair and does victory dance for Pers]
[spikes ball]
[right in Miss Attitude’s lap]
[whoomp]

Heh.

10

Stuff like this makes me think that maybe I’m better off for not actually having any “real life” friends afterall.

11

::: evil whisper :::
superglue stuff on their desks

If they have a fax, go to another fax and make a closed loop out of a few sheets of paper with the words “You hypocritical, two-faced bastards” and send it to their fax. It should continue to print out until their paper tray is exhausted.

Or you can continue to take the high and classy road like you’re doing, Pers, I’m really not too familiar with that path though! :smiley:

12

No argument here.

13

Persephone, you are in such secure possession of the high ground that you’ve put up razor wire and defensive machine gun emplacments, and you’re just chillin’ in the command tent, sipping tea and listening to a sentimental LP on your portable Victrola. :slight_smile:

14

Here’s your best plan for revenge: Show up uninvited at their inevitable pink slip party.

15

Chas: No, none of these folks are going to get laid off. They’ve already cut as far as they can from my department. Any more layoffs, and we’ll be completely non-functional. They can’t let that happen, because we’re water and Treasury. We do water billing (my job, in fact), property tax, income tax, and also bill for all other city services that require it. We also collect the money. My department is formally called Customer Service, which means we also provide actual customer service to people who call or come in with questions. They can only cut a department like mine so far before we implode, and we’re already operating with about half the people we actually need.

Opal: Yep. I agree. I have real-life friends…but the majority of them are, in fact, Michigan Dopers. :smiley:

16

I’m not sure I see the two faces.

Appparently they don’t like you and they behave like people that don’t like you.

I have co-workers that I don’t like and I have no problem with not including them in social plans. I can go great lengths of time not talking to those people but when in a position where it would be particularly rude not to talk to them I am perfectly nice and civil.

Is this two-faced of me or should, the next time we are both on the elevator should I just pointedly stare at my feet and pretend she hasn’t spoken?

Now, them not liking you does not mean you are a bad person. You handled it well, letting them know you know you’re being excluded. I’m just not seeing the hypocrisy and who haven’t indicated that they are acting unprofessionally, just unfriendly.

Of course, I’m just going based on what you said. Your understanding is certainly more involved and deeper.

17

obfus, I think what Persephone means is that these people are two-faced in regards to each other: A talks shit about B when B isn’t there, then B shows up and the two of them talk shit about C, with B not knowing what A said about B, and A not realizing that B and C are going to rip on A the next time B and C are alone together.

Meanwhile, they have one face for Persephone because she doesn’t play their games. They don’t have to pretend to like her because they can’t use her for anything. Apparently, they think she’s upset that they don’t like her, but she’s not because she knows they’re no kind of friends.

Is that right?

Did that make sense?

18

Rilch: Precisely. Exactly. Bingo.

The coworker in my OP is a woman who I use to consider a friend. A good friend. That’s really the only thing that hurts me about this whole thing. She’s a smart, sensible woman, and she and I have actually had many, many discussions about how we both loathe the gossip and backstabbing that goes on. Neither of us actively participated in it. And now, she’s gone & joined the Legion of Doom.

But the more I hear, and the more I see, the less it hurts and the less I care. They aren’t any kind of friends, to me or to each other, for that matter. I can maintain a functional working relationship with them, but that’s all I intend to do.

19

I dig, Persephone.

People like that always seem to be amazed when they find out that they get gossiped about too. Everyone else, yeah, of course…but ME? :eek: