I’m a single adult and would love to do things for my birthday. But I’ve always felt that planning your own party or get together for it is a bit narcissistic. I used to have a roommate who would throw herself a party every year and invite loads of people. I always felt like it was really uncouth and was almost blatantly asking for gifts. I always felt that it was up to friends and family to plan things for your birthday.But this thinking had backfired on med as I haven’t done anything for my birthday in over ten years. Clearly none of my friends or family have cared enough to bother. Hell, I’m lucky if they even remember it’s my birthday. Because I’m also not the type of person to mention it coming up at all.
I don’t think it’s necessarily sad, unless you make a pity-party out of it, or something. I personally, take it as an excuse to buy myself something, or maybe get a new haircut or a manicure, or something I don’t normally want to “waste my money on”. I just kind of make it a “me” day.
My birthday is on 12/30. That’s sad in itself! I don’t even get a cupcake at work. 
It would *never *occur to me that if someone invited me to a birthday party in that way, (“Activities at such and such time, drinks at a bar afterwards”) that the birthday person would be paying for all the drinks! In fact whenever I’ve gone to a birthday get together at a bar/restaurant, we typically cover the birthday person’s meal/buy them a drink.
From a Dave Berg illustrated article, titled “You Know You’re On Your Own When . . .” in Mad Magazine, 40-some years ago:
That’s what I used to do, but now I have nephews. Having a slightly festive meal and a nicer-than-usual table is much easier than trying to explain why Auntie Nava or Dad don’t celebrate their birthdays but Mom does and Uncle Jay celebrates it but with his friends and both Grandmas do although that gets complicated because their birthdays are on consecutive days and they have this ongoing contest to see who can produce the better meal - and Og help us if they happen to fall on a weekend, because then both of them have the birthday feast on the exact days, leading to stress and indigestion. And like I said, if I don’t plan the meal it will be some sort of super-elaborate shinding which will lead to… stress and indigestion. I’m allergic to indigestion, it gives me bloat.
I guess to me it depends who is doing the inviting. If a bunch of friends decides that how to celebrate, then yes, they are treating the birthday person. If the birthday person invites everyone, then they are throwing a party and will treat everyone, IMHO.
Not at all. I did so on my last birthday.
I invited everyone to a bar and paid the first round and brought home-made cake (I checked with the bar if it was okay).
The only thing was that I didn’t have that much fun until towards the end, because I was so stressed about making sure everyone was having a good time that I couldn’t really relax. But I’m someone who quite likes attention, so to me it was much better than doing nothing on my birthday.
What I really like about my circle of friends is that there’s an understanding that unless otherwise specified, the birthday boy/girl chooses which restaurant they like, we all meet up there, and the rest of us either split the birthday boy/girl’s tab among us, or whoever is officially filthy rich will pick it up.
It’s usually, but not always, accompanied by an activity of some sort. My last birthday was dinner at a fondue restaurant after an afternoon at the newly opened Perot Science and Nature museum. Twas awesome.
Nonsense. As an adult, this is actually the first time in my life that the choice of getting a pony is A) entirely in my control and B) feasible. Finally. I can get that pony. And feed it birthday cake. If I want.
I don’t think it’s sad to plan your own birthday events at all. Especially if you’re single, who else is going to do it for you? Why should anyone do that for you when you are perfectly capable of inviting anyone you want to do anything you want.
I stopped a couple years ago. It got to be really annoying. I had a couple of friends who would hound me about it every single year. What are you doing on your birthday, do you have plans? Both friends (unrelated to each other and in separate social circles – they don’t even know each other), said to me, “Well, you let us know. Anything you want to do, we’ll be there for it!”
Okay. How bout drinks at [bar] and then dinner at [restaurant] on [date] at [time]?
“Oh no, I can’t make that, how bout the following Saturday?” Or, "Well, I don’t care much for that [bar or restaurant], could you do it [some other place]?
I just got really annoyed. Why the fuck would you make such an open-ended offer to me and then immediately rescind it by negotiating? I found myself, a couple times, eating in restaurants i didn’t really like, on a different day than I’d planned, or seeing a movie I didn’t choose and didn’t care for and hadn’t wanted to see, because some people will take any personal interaction and make it about themselves. And I’d be thinking, why did I let this person railroad me into doing something for my birthday that I didn’t really want to do, on a day that isn’t even my birthday? That’s no celebration. I’m just being a doormat and getting pissed off about it.
So I can’t be bothered to invite any of those people who make these sweeping open offers and then attempt to hijack the event to make it more palatable for themselves. I just tell them, “Ah, I don’t think I’m making any plans this year.” And then go take myself out to wherever I wanted to go. Sometimes that means “the couch with a bowl of popcorn and a shitty movie.” 
I just turned 40 on Saturday and I had planned my birthday (or Josh-mas as I prefer to call it). My partner and I thought about visiting my mom down in Florida as her birthday is a couple days before mine, but after figuring out all of the logistics of when we were all free and a dog sitter and work and blah blah blah, I decided to rent a cabin on Lake Superior and see my mom next month.
The weekend before I hosted a murder mystery party and served cake and celebrated that way with friends. It’s really not sad at all to me, but I will admit that I had removed my b-day from Facebook.
Adult here, and I plan my own birthdays. Crown years call for a real party, usually a day out for about eight people to go canoeing together or for a walk and then a restaurant or cook-out.
I forbid gifts, though. That makes it easier to invite people as I’m not seem to be gift-grabbing. Besides, I hate 99 out of a 100 gifts I get, so I spare everyone a disappointment by explicitly stating no gifts.
The last two years, I just invited other parents from the neighbourhood and we all went blackberrypicking together and made dozens of jars of jam afterwards. And I treated them to bowls of vanilla ice with hot blackberry jam sauce. Halfway through the day I told the people it was also my birthday, so they felt guilt free for not having agonized whetether to bring a gift.
My housemate offered to organise my birthday this year- my 30th, but I said I’d rather do it myself.
I reckon most of my friends organise their own, and it certainly makes sense to me- after all, no-one else knows what you’d like to do, and who you’d like to spend a fun day/evening with than you do.
It’s extremely sad if you have to organise your own 5th birthday party, but planning your own 30th doesn’t seem wrong at all to me.
Since I am The Person Who Plans Everyone Else’s Birthday Party in my social group, I don’t get birthdays myself. Which is fine, because frankly it’s a lot of work. And my birthday is the day before NYE and nobody wants to do anything around that time anyway (hi Baker!)
OK two times, in a different group of friends, I was given a surprise party. Both times it was amazing, so overwhelming. I loved it.
Not sad! But if someone else plans it for you, and you know they’re doing it, don’t let them plan something you know some attendees can’t afford. I had a friend whose boyfriend was always planing birthday parties for her and saying, ‘Let’s all chip in to get her X amazing gift!’, then billing people part of the cost for the party at his apartment as well. He wrote, ‘The more people able to attend the cheaper it will be!’. He sucked. Friend turned out to be not-so-awesome herself.
I think it’s a tad silly for anyone over 21 to make a huge deal about their birthday. But having people over for drinks or dinner? Sounds like a great excuse to get together with friends.
When someone expresses sadness about no one planning their birthday party, I always want to ask how many birthday parties they’ve planned for other people.
My last birthday party was at my regular cantina (Mexico). I invited all the regulars and paid for the first round of drinks. I also supplied barbeque chicken. Cantinas here don’t have real food. We had chicken tacos with pico de gallo, beans and everyone was full. The owner of the cantina was happy because everyone stayed and bought more drinks. There was about 20 friends plus people who happened in. The best part was the total cost to me was about $50. And everyone was happy. I will do it again next year.
I have had a few birthdays. They would come and go. Some friends remembered my birthday and some didn’t. I felt that if they really cared, they would make note of the date. But when they didn’t remember the date, I was very sad.
My wife, on the other hand, would begin announcing her birthday a month in advance. At first I thought it as strange. But then I got to thinking about it. Yes, announce it. Then you aren’t sad when people don’t remember the date. I learned a lot from that woman. I wish she was still with me. She died 28 years ago. Yes, tell the world your birthday is coming. Give them notice. Everyone is happy.