I lived in the top half of a house a couple of years ago, and my roommate, G, at the time was an avid rock climber. My third roommate, J, wanted to know what it was like, so G decided that J should rappel off the roof that covered our porch. J, showing admirable intelligence, opted not to since it was a) secured by a rope tied to the wooden leg of an old desk, b) over concrete, and c) since it was over the porch, there was nothing to actually bounce off of when coming down. I, showing much less foresight, said, hell, why not, and went for it. The first injury was sustained from the desk leg partially breaking and me pivoting around my feet and slamming my butt into the side of the roof. Injury two came from severe rope burns (the inside of my hand looked like plastic) as I fell the rest of the way. Injury three was from the shock of my legs absorbing my fall onto the concrete.
You know that old adage, “Put that knife/umbrella/kleenex box, down before you put your eye out” I almost put my eye out playfighting with my boyfriend.
I don’t quite remember how it started, but I was chasing my boyfriend around the house and he ran into the bathroom and locked the door. Me, being the genius that I am, figured I’d just get a wire clothes hanger, straighten the hook part out and pop the lock. All was going as planned until said boyfriend opened the door, grabbed the hanger and started pulling. He was pulling, I was pulling and then he was pulling no more. The straighten out hook part of the hanger went flying backwards and hit just below my eyebrow. I had a bruise the size of a pencil eraser right above my eye lid. Ouch! THAT was a very stupid self inflicted injury.
I have a scar on my right little finger. What from? Shaving my legs!
(I had my leg up against the shower wall, and my foot slipped, and somehow in the process of trying to not fall over and not lose the razor, I cut myself. It was a REALLY dumb moment…and to make things worse, my SO was in the shower with me!)
Not so much stupid as just really weird, but a classmate of mine back in high school managed to completely dislocate her right shoulder by trying to return the birdie in a game of badminton. I was on the next court over, and even I heard a “POP”, and she basically fainted immediately (caught by her teammate as she fell). Came to pretty quickly, and was rushed to hospital. Very weird.
My nickname is Crash and I earned it.
5 years old: Fractured my skull because I wanted to play with my stuffed rocking horse (on the top bunk of my bunkbed).
4 times between 10 and 13: Sprained my ankles because I sat on my feet too long and then tried to walk.
Age 20: badly burned my arm trying to clean an industrial popcorn popper while it was still on.
These are just a few of my stupid injuries. There isn’t enough time to list them all.
Ah yes, hangers. I had a close call with one too.
I was getting clothes from my cupboard, but was too short to reach the hanger. So I just pulled the clothes I wanted down. However the hanger flew out and before I knew it I had a hanger hanging from my eye. (It was hanging from that bit of flesh at the bottom of your eye, you know. It’s kind of a "bottom eye-lid)
My girlfriend’s latest beats you all. She’s sitting in her chair and all of a sudden lets loose this noise of pain. I look over…“What happened?” “I hurt my ankle! Ow!”
Yes, folks, she hurt herself sitting in her chair. She hurt her ankle sitting in a chair with her feet propped up.
I just remembered my stupidest one!!!
I partially dislocated my shoulder sneezing in bed.
About 6-7 years ago, I managed to dislocate a shoulder while I was asleep.
Musta been quite a dream I was having.
A guy I worked with, who apparantly enjoyed smoking while on the can, ran into the bathroom door which pushed the lit cigarette into his eye. It healed, but he had to wear a patch for a couple days.
Well, I just came back from the doctor a couple of hours ago, and I’m now totally stoned on muscle relaxants, because X-rays confirm that I managed to acquire a severe muscle spasm in my neck in bed on Saturday night. I was alone, and sleeping.
Of course, that doesn’t come close to topping my injury of 7 years ago, in which I broke my left leg in about 6 places while jogging up my aunt’s front lawn. That one has required a plate, screws, rods, four operations, and about a zillion hours of physical therapy so far to fix. But then what do you expect from someone who manages to get tear-gassed while vacationing in Paris?
This happened to my brother.
When he was about 9 or 10 for a while he was always getting a midnight snack.
One night our older sister heard him and called him into her room and ordered a sandwich for herself.
The problem was that she wanted apricot jelly on her PB and J and my brother couldn’t open the jar. So he took it to her. In her room. In the dark. She opened the jar and he bent down to get it as she pushed the jar up to him. The rim of the jar hit him right between the eyes and cut him. (oddly enough in a straight line about an inch long) We had to wake up our parents because he had to get stiches.
Good times.
I fell off my shoes once. Granted, it was on dimly lit stairs, but I was still the idiot who couldn’t handle walking in chunky heeled sandals.
The worst part, besides the horrible pain and entertaining swelling and discoloration, was the sickening sound. A sort of wet ripping sound, that is the universe’s way of saying your shoes are stupid.
And I knew a kid who’d deliberately hang hangers from his lower eyelids. Shudder worthy sight, that is.
I ran into a tree once. Not in a car, footpowered. I was dribbling a soccerball in front of me and WHAM!!! Ran into a tree, busted my lip, blood everywhere, three stitches. That one was tough to explain. Don’t know how I missed a 40 foot tree right in front of me but I did.
But I like the sitting one.
I once injured my neck walking down stairs.
Yes, you read that right. I was walking down the stairs, and my neck felt like it needed to pop, so I started moving my head around…and there was this UNGODLY pop and the whole thing just stiffened up and it was weeks before I was completely back to normal. It was horrible; I’ve never heard a noise like that from a human body.
My mom broke her elbow teaching me to roller skate when I was five. She was going backwards, holding my hands, and tripped over somebody who fell behind her. She got sympathy at work for about five minutes until they found out HOW she’d gotten her arm in that sling. 
-I gave myself a contusion while playing a video game. Not in a carpal-tunnel-y fashion. Rather, I got very frustrated at having messed up, so I slammed my fist as hard as I could into the sofa… not realizing that there was a boombox sitting there. Ow!
-While playing little league, I was walking up behind the guy in the on-deck circle. He was swinging a bad with a batting weight on it. I thought he saw me coming. He didn’t. The weight caught me right next to my nose.
-While playing goalie in soccer, I once ran full-tilt into a goal post.
Once I sneezed/coughed/hiccuped all at the same time while sitting watching TV.
I don’t know what I pulled but I was really sore for a week.
That reminds me of the time in high school when a kid ran into the foul pole. We all had to run a half mile around the baseball diamonds at the beginning of every gym class. So there we are, 100 or so kids running along when suddenly, wham!, one goes down, face bleeding a river. He had a mild consussion and missed a few days of school, mostly from embarrassment I’d guess. No broken bones from what I heard though. I didn’t know the kid, but I can’t immagine what his excuse was.
The only bone I’ve ever broken was my second toe on my right foot when I was 12ish. I was lying on the couch, kicking my feet on the cushions while watching tv, when I accidentally hit the armrest. The bone was only cracked, but for a little while I had two big toes.
That’s the most severe injury I’ve ever had in my life, I’m very unaccident prone. My poor brother gets all the stupid injuries, so as to keep our family quota up. He’s got 3 eyebrows; he fell when young and split one in two with a large scar. He once got a cap ( those little explosives you’d put into toy guns) stuck up his nose; it required a trip to the hospital to get it out. He almost had a finger severed by a door. He tried to catch a knife he dropped and cut his hand to the bone. ( I’ve dropped knives, but always remember to not try to catch them. I knew someone at my old job who did the same thing with a katana, and couldn’t use his hand for months; it severed all the tendons on the inside of his hand and they had to be sewn beck together)).
OK, I got a couple for ya’
Last summer I was proving to some friends that I can put my legs behin my head. So I got onto the couch and did so admirably. However, seeing as it was slightly painful, I held it for just a second then quickly released. Well, I released too quickly, and my head snapped back slamming onto the couch’s wooden arm rest, giving myself a concussion.
Just a few days ago, I hurt my knee. The story actually starts a week ago when a friend and I managed to procure a giant bag of Mountain Dew syrup. The stuff they mix with seltzer water in a soda fountain, Well, we didn’t do anything with it for a while, then we finally got some selter water and mixed it. It worked. So I ran from the kitchen to the dining room screaming, “mountain dew, mountain dew.” I managed to slip, fall right onto my left knee, and then continued to slide across the dining room floor into a wall.
I remember when I was a kid a friend and I were in the car with her mom, a teacher. I can’t remember why—may have been the Bon Jovi on the stereo—but her mom said “Raise your hands!” She did, and hit her hand on the roof of the car. Sprained wrist.
Also last month my other friend skiied into a tree. On purpose.
I once badly bruised my thigh by running into a parked car. On foot, in a parking lot.
The high school band was playing and begging for money in front of the supermarket at Christmastime, and one of the moms dropped a bunch of us girls off. The flutists all had their instruments with them when they got out, but the mom forgot that I needed to get my bassoon out of the trunk and started driving off. So I was chasing her car through the parking lot, running flat out without looking where I was going, and I ran right into a parked car. I had a bruise about six inches across for several weeks.