I once threw my back out picking up a Kleenex off the floor. Which is ironic because a few months before that happened, I threw my back out sneezing.
Do I win a prize for the most recent stupid injury? About 20 minutes ago I apparently pulled an abdominal muscle while shifting around in my chair. I felt a sharp flare of pain that’s faded somewhat, but I still can’t draw a deep breath without feeling like I need to look down and see if there’s a midget under my desk stabbing me.
And I know I mentioned this one somewhere before, but I once threw out my back holding in a fart. Teach me to be ladylike.
My friend once brained me with a 5-iron. He was taking a swing in the school corridor, unaware that I was standing right behind him. Nailed me on the follow-through. Didn’t hurt much, but left a trail of blood to the nurses’ office and three stitches in my scalp.
I was playing tag, and went to dodge left. Unfortunately, I forgot about the very large and solid 15 foot pine tree about 4 inches away.
I eventually picked myself off the ground after the white lights went away. Did I mention that I was 17 at the time?
Heres a pathetic injury I got.
I am 16, and play soccer (the only team sport I play). Last soccer season, the last game, the last 20 min, against our rivals, I sprained my hip. I sprained my F’in hip. I’m 16, not 86, and I sprain my hip. It was terrible, I had to lift my leg with my arm to go up steps or get in the shower, and I couldn’t walk right for a month. It wasn’t very fun…
Didn’t really hurt, but it was embarrasing. My Grandpa had one of those handheld fishing games in which the game itself was like a real fishing pole, you had to actually cast, reel, etc. Well, I finally caught a fish and he said “Set the hook.” I jerked the game to set the hook and hit myself square in the face.
I walked into a door once.
No, not a sliding glass door. A solid wood door. Bruised my damn forehead.
I cut my forhead on a straw in my drink…while dead sober.
A couple of years ago a cut myself on a shreddie. A SHREDDIE. I still don’t know how that’s possible.
What the hell are “Growing-Up Skipper” and a shreddie?
I have a nice scar on my wrist from trying to remove a piece of string from my bicycle fork, while I was riding it. My hand got wedged between fork and wheel, and the tire scraped off a 1 by 1/2 inch patch of skin. I’m lucky I didn’t lose fingers or something.
A Shreddie is a little square breakfast cereal. It’s kind of like Crispix or Life.
I have some stories.
When my dad was younger, he was playing with a slingshot. As he was getting ready to shoot it, he let go of the wrong end (the Y end instead of the holder bit) and one of the branches of the Y smacked him in the right eye. The only reason he wears glasses is due to that injury.
My uncle on my dad’s side (whom I never met, due to a hit-and-run) had some sort of firework. My dad never told me specificially which one, but it was something like a big roman candle. Anyway, he lit the fuse, ran off, and waited. Nothing. So he goes up, looks into it, and BAM! Goess of in his face. My dad has to drive him to the hospital. Facial hair was gone. He was blind for a few days, but apparently recovered just fine.
When I was about . . . 4 or 5, I was in ballet class. My mom told me about the time when ran across the classroom and nose-first into a wall. Just . . . ran into a wall. Bloody nose.
This is one of my favorite stories EVER:
My friend Kate is a big girl. I dunno, 250-300, maybe? I have no idea. “Fat but nimble” as she says. Anyway, she has enough arm fat to grab it (right underarm with right hand) and flap it like wings. Oddly enough, she’s in better shape than I am (works out at the gym all the damn time), it’s just a family thing.
She told me about how one day she was walking through a store, and a tanned and 100lb type woman was staring at her like “my god, how could someone let themselves get that fat.” Kate, being Kate, proceeds to “flap” her arms at this woman. Said woman is so distracted by this that she walks directly into a pillar. Kate said she hadn’t felt that good in a long time, hehe.
Story #1:
During a middle-of-the-night football game in college, one of my fraternity brothers attempted to tackle a tree. Do I need to explicitly state that there was alcohol involved?
Story #2:
At Cedar Point many years ago, Dad finally consented to letting my sister and I ride the Demon Drop. Basically the thing’s a free-fall ride. Well, my sister wasn’t too happy about being dropped a few stories and was doing that annoying half-crying thing for a couple minutes. Dad finally managed to calm her down (in all honesty I just wanted to smack her for being such a wuss) as we were walking past the games area (water-gun races, balloons and darts, that kind of stuff). She turned to look at the games and walked headfirst into a light pole.
I got yelled at for laughing at her.
First, I’d like to say that this is one of the funniest threads I’ve read in a while. Particularly in conjunction with the ‘What do you find funny that you shouldn’t?’ thread going on right now too.
Once, when I played rugby, I was standing at the sidelines at practice, watching some teammates doing a kicking drill, when my nose started bleeding spontaneously. It was pretty cool, I had to walk through the halls of my high school with cleats and mucky jersey and covered in blood (which in high school counts as ‘pretty cool,’), and recieved many admiring glances , but I couldn’t be specific about what had happened to me … ‘Oh, you know how rugby practice can be !’
Then, many moons later (after I had stopped playing and was no longer a sports machine) I ran into my former coaches in a pub. At the time I was sitting out a game of darts beacuse I my arm was really sore from the darts game I had played the day before (Hey, it’s a strenuous game !).
I did not tell my former coaches about my dart-related injury.
Oh, and a friend of mine sprained his ankle quite badly by getting out of bed. I should show him this thread: I’m sure it would make him feel less silly !
Happened to a friend: The kid shows up at my house one day (this was back in middle school or high school), and he’s got this nasty wound on the corner of his mouth. He refuses to tell us how it happened, but his mother is MORE than happy to share. Turns out this child (who, btw, is an EXTREMELY intelligent person) had been watching tv and needed something to chew on. Apparently out of gum, he picked up the nearest handy thing … an ELECTRICAL cord. Chewed clean through it … the nasty wound was an electrical burn.
Happened to me: Was at a friend’s summer house, and was working towards an “intimate moment” with my girlfriend. Went to go downstairs to get the “protection” I had accidentally left in my jacket. Put one bare foot on the polished hardwood stairs and WHOOPS my feet go out from under me. Had my brain realized that the landing was only 3 feet away and I would be better off letting myself fall, I would have let go of the railing. But noooOOOoooo, stupid self-preservation instinct takes over and I grab firmly ahold of the railing with my left hand. And proceed to pop my shoulder out of it’s socket. My girlfriend comes out of the room we were sharing, my friend’s mother comes out of her first-floor bedroom … one was laughing, the other was concerned (you decide which was which). They ask me if I’m okay, and I look down at my shoulder, say “Wait one second”, grab ahold of my left upper-arm with my right hand, and POP my shoulder’s back to normal. “Doesn’t hurt now, but it sure will in the morning.” I hastily cover my middle-of-the-night excursion with the old faithful “I was getting a drink of water” story.
I very severely pulled a hamstring during a highschool math exam.
My friend broke his nose checking the time on his alarm clock. He woke up in the middle of the night, propped himself up on one elbow, looked at the clock, thought to himself “oh, good, I have several hours of sleep left”, and then then dropped his head back onto his pillow.
Only he missed the pillow and bounced his face off his nightstand.
This one’s a bit tragic, I’m afraid.
Years ago, a friend of Mr. Pug’s was feeling no pain as he went home to his apartment after spending several hours at the pub. He wanted to get into this apartment mail box, but was too bombed to find his mailbox key. He did find a screwdriver, tried to pry open the mailbox, and managed to jerk the screwdriver toward his face and blinded himself in one eye.
I still cringe to remember this story.
I feel sure I’ve mentioned this before, but when I was about nine, I had a tooth extracted; naturally, I had Novocaine. A few hours after we had come home from the dentist’s, I walked into the kitchen and my mother shrieked, “What in the world have you done to your face?”
I had been “testing” my cheek periodically to see if it was still numb from the Novocaine and had managed to scrape a huge amount of skin off since I couldn’t actually feel anything. I had a huge, bloody area extending from the side of my nose all the way up my cheek—took forever to heal and drew lots of strange looks.
My best friend in highschool woke up one morning, went dow for breakfast and her mom freaked. My friend had scratched herself in her sleep. “So? What’s the big deal?” Then she looked in a mirror… She looked like this.
