Yes folks it’s that time of year again.
I am taking a break from the mass murder of pumpkins and decided to make you all assories to the crime of the slaughter of innocents.
As I sit here typing with the orange stringy entrails of once whole pumpkins drying on my arms and their pulpy flesh still damp under my nails, I imagine that only too soon will I place my little tea light candle into the body cavities and make them glow and dance in the cool October night air.
I will be up well past the witching hour making my ritualistic carvings into the lovely deep orange that is their skin.
And as we watch the soft glow emanating from their luridly disemboweled corpses, we will laugh. And eat candy.
I hear pumpkin is great for wrinkly skin…
It was on some health report the local news does, I can’t remember the details but some formula using pumpkin is 'sposed to help reduce wrinkles. Wonder if I should stock pile some pumpkins.
I don’t wanna be an assory. Maybe a hickory-dickory, but definitely not an assory.
Definitely do not want to wear the scarlet letter “A” for assory! :eek:
Two down and three to go.
And thanks to the spelling police for pointing out the error of my ways.
My first attempt at a fun thread like this, and then my mood was shot down in flames.
Tech, I hadn’t heard of that, but after last night I can certainly understand how that could be if it is true. My hands and arms were alot softer for a while.
Hey Lizard? Got any candy corn? And thank you.
We forgive you, Kricket. It’s all hunky-dory. 
You call that homicide? I’ll show ya homicide.
This saturday I am going to the annual pumpkin shoot held at a local range. We are going to vaporize them with machineguns. Very, very messy. It’s a good thing they’re biodegradable!
I know where you live. I have a baseball bat. I have a keg of homebrew ale that I’ll be tapping into this weekend.
Do the math.
Party at Dave’s?
Well, all be all dressed up this Saturday.
All that cleavage, what’s a girl to do. It’s a dress like the one on the people pages.
No better way to kill a pumpkin than by Chunking it
I, myself, am slaughtering three juveniles later this afternoon.
Though instead of slowly roasting them from the inside, I shall fill them with soured creams and pastes made of ground chickpeas. I delight in eating from their rotting and empty corpses!
That’s right, they’re garnish!
Aw, you should feel proud! A lot of typos aren’t very interesting. But you stumbled onto a funny one, and everyone is just giving you your props.
Then somebody let me in on the joke, cause I totally missed it.
Somedays the blonde shines throught the red dye.
Slimy pumpkin guts…ewwwww! But the seeds, roasted…yummy!
“Ooohh … You didn’t tell me you were gonna kill it!”
Well, I reacted to the “ass” part, so naturally my skewed mind drifted to other parts of the anatomy - and, afterwards, other words & phrases - that can be used in a rhyme-fest with the “ory” part.
Euty, where do I know that from? You really know how to drive a girl crazy you know that?
Usually we roast the seeds from the pumpkins, and this year I decided not to mess with it telling the heathens that I have tons left over since nobody seems to like them except me.
You would have thought I told them the moon landing was a hoax!
But we came to an agreement that I would go and buy them a small bag, and all is well.
Sue, I had to read the last line of your post a few times before I realised it said garnish not garish!
I just want to say that I cannot read the title of this thread without giggling. 
“Never jump into a pile of leaves with a wet sucker.”