Madame, please describe the feces that attacked you. Be as specific as possible.
Oh, not to worry. If aircraft are bombing your home with shit, it will be dipped in a Windex-like substance and chilled. What a treat! Have aircraft been dumping crap on us this whole time? What do they mean, “contents of airline bathrooms sometimes fall from aircraft”? Could birds have created the shitstorm The Sun-Times describes with such zest??
Perhaps I just have never been as, er, fortunate in my bird-crap incidents, but from my experience you know when it was a bird. It is clearly bird crap. I do not have to be heap big woods tracker to know the difference between bird-doo and something-else-doo. Unless giant freaking eagles crap different or something, but I doubt it.
And I too have heard about the airplane “ice” phenomenon. But it can’t all be, um, blue. Can it?
Also, I do recognize it would be ice when it fell, but one assumes it melts.
On a similar note, the last time I was in Europe on a train there was a sudden announcement (right as I was getting up to pee, too) along the lines of “Please do not visit the restrooms for the next ten minutes”. We all went “Huh?” until we realized we were about to go over a great big bridge with a little town in the river valley below.
Absolutely correct. It can be quite dangerous. The fecal matter and the blue lavatory liquid freeze into massive chunks weighing upwards of twenty pounds and hit the ground at several hundred miles an hour. They can kill. It used to be a very serious problem, especially with the rapid growth of jumbo jets flying transcontinental routes. That’s why there are a number of international treaties designed to limit icy BMs.
I live within a few miles of Oswego, IL…and this week, I experienced something very similar.
I left my car parked in driveway for a couple of days, and it ended up with an awful lot of 2-inch diameter, chunky brown globs and smears all over it. So I did a little investigation/observation.
It ain’t geese. There’s a fair amount of open space and fields around, and there’s a lot of geese, not to mention the heron rookery a few miles away. Which means, basically, that I’ve seen a lot of goose poop.
It’s starlings. A lot of fuckin’ starlings.
There’s thousands of the little bastards around here. There’s always been a lot of 'em, but this year there’s…well…a shitload. There’s a crab apple tree in my front yard right next to the driveway, and they’ve descended on it like piranha. Unfortunately, crab apples apparently go through starlings like (sorry) goose shit through a tin horn. They don’t seem to make it more than ten feet from the tree before they need to “download a brown load”. Right on my car.