I’ve been a full time mom for 11 years now and I always try, as best as I can, to do the right things.
This morning, my kids went to play with the neighbor’s kids, they are a nice family, but sometimes I don’t think they watch their kids as well as they should, or maybe I just watch mine too much. I don’t know.
While they were over there, the father told my kids that he was taking all of the neighborhood kids to the beach, the beach is in an exclusive community and only members can enter the community, the neighbors have family there and use the family’s passes. My son asked who was going and all together it was going to be 10 children, four of them under the age of five, the oldest being 11 and two adults.
My kids ran home begging me to let them go too.
My biggest concern is the safety of my kids and I told them no, I just don’t think the supervision will be enough for all of those children at a beach. My kids aren’t very good swimmers and all the kids play rough together.
Now the neighbors are pissed at me and my kids are pissed at me.
I just don’t think it would have been safe for them.
I feel ya, dragongirl. You want to say yes, let your kids have a good time, start doing stuff on their own. But you can’t intentionally let them walk into an accident waiting to happen, can you?
FTR, I don’t think you’re being over-protective. 10 children, 4 of them under the age of five, is too many for two adults to effectively watch. Doubtless, the adults will want to swim, as well. Then what? The 11yo takes over babysitting duty? I think not.
You are a mom. And obviously one who takes the job & title seriously. So you won’t be popular with the neighbors for a while. And your children will be peeved with you til the next really,really cool-thing-they-just-have-to-go-to,pleasepleasepleasemom! But at least you did the best thing for your kids. Take 10 “Good Mom” points.
You could have agreed to go along, but what’s past is past. Without being sexist I have observed that Moms are often quite over protective and dads are a bit too casual about necessary precautions, but in the end they are your kids and you have to make the hard decisions.
My eldest will be 11 in October, my dd will be 8 in a few weeks.
Because of my history of past child abuse, etc. I am very anxious when it comes to my kids, less than I used to be however, its still there on top of the normal concerns.
I think you have to go w/your gut. Your gut is always right. What’s hard is if your gut is always in turmoil but I don’t think yours is…I believe you made the right decision.
And you don’t have to make up for it so they’re not mad at you any more. They’ll get over it.
Trust me, I have been a single mom of 4 for 18 years, when you love your children, there is no such thing as being to careful, trust your instincts, and just take them to the beach yourself when you can.
If they are upset with you, that is just to bad, like my Dad used to say, “IF YOU GET MAD, YOU WILL JUST HAVE TO GET GLAD AGAIN, THINGS STAND AS THEY ARE!” :rolleyes:
Sounds like you weighed the risks and the benefits and decided what would be best for your kids. Being a single mom is NOT easy. Having done it myself for many years, I can understand how the responsibility sometimes seems to weigh extra-heavily.
But ultimately, your kids are your responsibility, and I commend you for caring about their welfare enough to have the guts to say no. I probably would have, too, if I wasn’t invited. My kids simply did NOT go swimming without my personal attendance unless there was a trained lifeguard around. It was pretty much a no-brainer.
Don’t beat yourself up for it. You did the right thing. And like Eilsel said, they’ll get over it.
[hijack] Ladyrose, you might want to not write in bold unless you’re emphasizing something. I can promise you, you WILL get pitted for it by somebody here. (Not me, but there are folks with an extra-low tolerance for over-emphasis, writing in color all the time, using too many smileys, etc.) No need to bold everything, your words are well-enough written as they are!
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You did the right thing, dragongirl. Your first responsibility is to see to their safety. If it works out to make everyone happy, great. If not, there’s only so much you can do.
I think the parents should have called you first before asking the kids, frankly.
Hang in, sweetpea.
Best,
karol
I’m with bodypoet on this one. The parents should have spoken with you about this before ever mentioning it to the kids. You’re the one with exclusive veto power, so mentioning it to them first automatically puts you in an awkward position. The fact that they’re pissed at you is their problem. Everyone sets boundaries differently for their own kids and it’s up to the grown-ups to recognize and be respectful of that.
To depress you even further, they will probably remind you of this and any other “bad” parenting incidents when they hit 25 or so. Ungrateful wretches, all.
I think it’s quite unfair that the neighbors are pissed at you. Obviously, your kids are angry because they can’t go to the beach, but why should the neighbors care all that much? That’s a few less kids to look after. I don’t have any myself yet (i’m only 22, waiting awhile!), but I think you made the right decision. That many young children is way too many for only two adults to take care of, especially if some of them can’t swim very well. The oldest children are only 11, hardly old enough to take on much babysitting duty. You did the right thing, when your kids get older they will realize that too. And hopefully, the neighbors will be able to understand why you didn’t let them go, and realize that they were acting irrisponsibly.
