It's so awful and predictable, but I keep watching it

Cafe Society
1

What TV shows (or movie serieses, I suppose) are actively outright BAD, particularly in a repetitive and predictable sense, but you just have to keep watching them anhow?

For me, it’s definitely Alias, which I don’t watch live, but have watched three seasons of on DVD.
Plenty of TV shows (24 comes to mind) dispense with continuity and believability when necessary, but Alias is in a class by itself.

Off the top of my head (spoilers for seasons 1 through 3 ahead):

-This whole Rimbaldi thing. Even if we accept as plausible the idea of a magical super-technological Leonardo Da Vinci, what were his motives in hiding all these things? How do they all still work perfectly? How were none of them destroyed? And speaking of him, I always get the feeling that half the writers on the show are embarassed by how stupid he is, so whenever THEY are writing they pretend he doesn’t exist… then the other team of writers takes back over, and presto, Rimbaldi is back

-So after season 2, when Sidney has amnesia, Jack has been locked up in solitary confinement for a year as a national security risk. She comes back, blackmails her superiors into releasing him, and then he GETS HIS JOB BACK IMMEDIATELY?

-Despite having the entire resources of the US government, they NEVER send enough people to get the job done. We’ve finally tracked down evil-supervillain Arvin Sloane and cornered him? Well, darn it, he walked for 5 minutes across an enormous lawn, got on a helicopter, and flew away. It’s a shame how helicopters are invulnerable and untrackable. Now we’re CERTAIN we know where evil-supervillain Mr. Sark is, so instead of sending either field agents who Sark doesn’t know personally, or better, a battalion of marines, we’ll send Sidney and Vaughan, on HORSEBACK

-The secret widget is in the possession of an evil guy? Well, fortunately, he owns a sexy nightclub, and keeps the secret widget in a wall safe upstairs or downstairs from the nightclub. Or it’s in a high security facility… in the basement of the museum, which is fortunately having a fancy party
And so forth. I can’t imagine that there’s ever been a TV show made which less realistically depicts the life of people in a given profession than the way Alias depicts the life of CIA agents.

And yet I keep watching.

2

Why does a show have to portray that “realistically”? As you indicate, it’s much more interesting to portray it dramatically.

3

Four words: Jennifer Garner in outfits.

Which doesn’t explain why I keep watching it.

4

Which is what 24 does. But Alias doesn’t.

5

I don’t think it’s bad, since Hugh Laurie is such a great actor, but House is certainly repetitive.
Sliders fulfills all of the OP requirements yet it’s one of my favorite shows ever.

Magical super-technological Leonardo Da Vinci? I think I will have to watch Alias one of these days.

6

“Law & Order: Criminal Intent”. It’s just so damn silly. It wastes the female cop’s character totally. It’s an insult to the skill of Vince D’Onofrio as an actor. It’s an insult to the “Law & Order” franchise. Any other Cop in Law & Order would actually have to gather evidence and construct a case- but not Goren. He just pulls the solutions out of his arse! And what’s the cirteria for Major Case catching a case anyway?

But still I watch…

mm

7

Right now it’s Numb3rs. But I don’t know how long I’ll hang in there.

8

As a full blooded American male, myself, I’d like to mention that I’d rather see Jennifer Garner NOT in outfits.

9

Pfft. Amateurs, all of you.
I own all six seasons of the Highlander TV series on DVD.
Top THAT!

10

Or five words: Jennifer Gardner almost in outfits.

-Richard

11

Law and Order SVU. It’s lurid, didactic, and hypocritical. (Hypocritical because it’s lurid and didactic at the same time, preaching phony morality while hooking us with graphic descriptions of the depths of human depravity.) Some of the shows have all the subtelty of the worst of the old ABC afterschool specials. Yet, if I watch an episode for five minutes, I find I watch the whole damn thing, even as I’m fuming at the TV.

12

I’m with you on Alias, and am almost there on 24.

I used to watch Alias whenever possible, because of JG’s incredible body. Then I realized that I had no idea what was going on because I had missed too many episodes. This year I got the chance to catch every episode, and it just felt like the show had jumped the shark. “APO”? Gimme a break. They went from a supersecret section of the CIA to an even more supersecret section? Yawn. The action is just too unbelievable - Stargate SG-1 is more realistic. I’ll just do a Google image search of JG if I feel the need.

And 24? Look out: you may be next…

13

Lets see, Star Trek the Next Generation was basically one episode done 100 times. Walker Texas Ranger is the same way. The all time worse one though was Power Rangers but I was younger then.

14

I’m a big fan of Smallville. Here’s the script for nearly every episode.

Teaser: A high-school student suddenly displays MAGICAL SUPER POWERS and wreaks havoc!

Totally rad Remy Zero main titles.

Chloe: Hey, Clark and Lana, did you hear about that guy’s MAGICAL SUPER POWERS?!

Lana: I’m skeptical. Here’s some coffee.

Clark: I’m pretending to be skeptical.

Chloe: I’d better investigate. I know, I’ll type randomly on this iMac keyboard until the information I want appears!

Clark: Hmm, maybe my friend Lex can help.

CUT TO: Kent Farm

Pa Kent: Son, don’t trust Lex. He’s a dick.
Ma Kent: Oh, Pa, stop being so controlling and go move some bales of hay from one spot to another.
Pa Kent: OK.

CUT TO: Lex’s Library
Lionel: Say, son, aren’t you jealous of my hair?
Lex: Blast you and your ulterior motives!
Lionel: I’m going away in my helicopter.
Clark: Say, Lex, can I borrow your ferrarri?
Lex: I would, but I have ulterior motives. BTW, do you have MAGICAL SUPER POWERS?!
Clark: Of course not. Don’t be an idiot.

CUT TO: The Torch
Chloe: Hey, guess, what? That kid has been grinding up those mysterious green meteor rocks and snorting them with rolled up hundred dollar bills!
Lana: I have a magical ass tattoo.
Chloe: Can I take a picture?
Lana: Oh no, I’ve been kidnapped by the villain!

CUT TO: The Villain’s Lair
Clark: I will stop you, villain!
Villain, Oh, no you won’t. I will punch you across the room!
Clark: Oh no! A vial of kryptonite has spilled upon me! I hope the writers get me out of this jam!
Clark: Ah ha, my powers are back. Die, evil villain!
Lana: You’re my hero.
Clark: I know, bitch. Now shutup and give me a blowjob.

CUT TO: The Torch
Chloe: Hey, Clark, did you hear that somebody blew Lana’s brains out?
Clark: Yeah, I told her not to try to swallow.

End Credits

15

Well, it’s not really current, but I’ve been watching Nip/Tuck in three-hour blocks on Saturday nights (I know, I know, no life), and the degree to which it’s devolved into a soap opera…

Oh my god our son is screwing his life coach! And our son isn’t actually our son but my son with your business partner! And oh my god the life coach is a transsexual! Who fucked her adopted son, only he didn’t know he was adopted at the time!

And that ain’t anywhere near the half of it.

Still, though, I’m so pissed that FX didn’t show it tonight…

16

What’s a life coach? Some guy in a track suit who claps his hands and says “good hustle” when you remember to breathe?

17

A life coach basically gives you tips on how to succeed in love, career, health, etc. Often these tips are delivered via expensive books, audio cassettes or seminars. Tony Robbins, of late-night infomercial fame, is one of the more well-known life coaches.

18

I have, by great strength of will, managed not to buy any more Queer as Folks because ultimately it’s bad for my blood pressure and my knicknacks.

19

Excellent rendition, friedo!

It’s so true, but I too continue to watch Smallville.

20

CSI: Miami.
90% of the time, I can predict Horatio’s next line before he opens his mouth.