My wife once off offhandedly mentioned when she was a kid she always wanted an indoor pond with lots of water turtles in it and she loved turtles, I remembered it.
Recently I saw a pet shop had really cheap red eared slider babies, so I bought one to surprise her with(we don’t really have a set up for a bunch, and I thought we’d start with one) and I thought she would love it. Instead she was like what did you buy that for, I don’t care about turtles anymore that was a dream I had as a little kid I’ve way outgrown that. I was like what! I was thought you’d happy with it because I remember what you said, and she said of all the things you forget I say the one thing was some small thing about turtles I said casually years ago.
So now if I say something like hey while I’m gone feed the turtle or change the water she makes sure to say its my turtle and she doesn’t want to mess with it.:rolleyes:
With men sometimes too. My wife once asked me what I wanted for Christmas and I wanted a specific tool. And when I mean specific, I meant it. I gave her the exact model number all written out but she went and gave me a generic version which was junk.
On animals, one time a friend gave me a cat for my birthday because they saw me playing with a neighbors cat so they thought I’d want one. No way! Yes I thought they could be fun but I didnt want the responsibility or expense of one of my own. I made them take it back.
I don’t think it’s a man/woman thing. I think when you get someone a pet, you really need to make sure they want it. Otherwise you’re not really getting them a gift. You’re just adding one more responsibility to their life.
Agree with this. Also, in my opinion your wife is rude and inconsiderate to treat you like that. If my husband had done that, I’d be apologetic and explain that was something from childhood and I didn’t want turtles anymore, I appreciate his intent but could he please take it back?
Also, tangentially, I think it’s sad that in so many marriages people get into the habit of being rude and disrespectful to each other. Be nice! Isn’t that the person you love?
Giving someone/anyone the “gift/ongoing responsibility” of a pet, is an incredibly bad idea. Child, adult, spouse. So the ‘thought’ that you want to ‘count’ was piss poor from the beginning, in my opinion.
You have a child, what would your feeling be if someone gifted him a pet, because he had once expressed a fondness for one? I’m thinking you’d be less than delighted.
Gifting a pet, unless it’s been specifically requested is never wise, as I think most adults would agree.
It gets very frustrating when the intender keeps repeating the supposedly “thoughtful” behavior because you failed to communicate effectively why the action was a bad idea. Sure, ideally you could explain it nicely and they would absorb and understand the information, then apply it to future situations, but if they were capable of that, then they probably wouldn’t be doing dumb stuff like buying people unwanted pets.
The original thought–I want to get wife a gift that she will like–was good, but then rational thought went out the window. You must attempt to put yourself in the giftee’s place and weigh the evidence for and against your potential gift being a terrible idea, but if the giftee expresses appreciation for your gift of petcare chores, you will never know how daft you are being and will probably keep cluelessly trusting yourself to choose idiotic gifts for years to come.
When you think of a possible gift for someone, ask yourself “how might this gift hurt or anger the person?” Then test out your theory with some research. In this case, grude could have easily have recalled that his wife had killed the tadpoles he was trying to keep as pets for his son: clue number one that she is not pining for a pet at home. He could have brought up turtles in conversation and listened to see if she expressed a current desire to have one. He could have done any number of things to test out his idea of getting her the turtle, but instead he overtrusted himself and his gifting abilities and went to the pet store.
When you give gifts this bad, a bad reaction is in order.
Don’t worry. She’ll come around after you finished turning the living room into a pond.
With a pet like this it’s better to take them to the store to buy it. It’s more fun that they are involved picking out the one they want and it gives them a chance to get out of it. Of course some people will pick one out even if they really don’t want it just to be nice but at least they’ve had the chance to back out.
Again, your reasoning is , er, reasonable, but acting like a jerk in response to someone’s good intentions is *never *in order. And really, “gifts this bad”? He didn’t bring home a rabid wolverine ferchrissake, it’s a turtle. I’m still sticking with she’s a bit of a bitch.
If you call it “acting like a jerk,” then obviously it’s bad, but she didn’t do anything particularly nasty to him by saying she didn’t want this gift and expressing that she doesn’t want to take care of it.
Really, it is probably more of a gift he got for himself and decided to pretend that she’d somehow expressed a desire for it umpteen years ago. Don’t forget that HE was the one trying to force a household pet of tadpoles/frogs not so long ago. When people try to pull one over on you with a “thoughtful” gift that is actually an excuse to go against your wishes, expressing your displeasure is not bitchy.
Please show us, from the OP, where the ‘bitchiness’ lies.
She expressed she did not want such a gift. As it’s a live creature that requires care I can’t see how that is, in any way, inappropriate. When he pressed the issue, “But I remember once you said…”, her response, “Of all the things I share, this is what you remember!”, seems an understandable remark.
Then, when true to her expressed feelings, and words she refuses to care for the creature, she merits roll eyes from her spouse of the inappropriate gifting!
I’m not familiar with the tadpole incident - did someone mention she’d *poisoned *them? - nor do I know if **grude **has a history of passive/agressiveness or buying gifts with a hidden agenda. The account in the OP reads to me like he remembered a fond memory (actually a *pond *memory)his wife mentioned and wanted to surprise her with a small gift. The first words out of her mouth were “what did you buy that for?”. Now, I wasn’t there. Maybe she was laughing while she said it and a playful, “aw, ya big goofball” smile was on her face, but all I can go by is what was written and it that’s about as rude a response to a gift as I can think of. Then she’s on about" of all the things she shares and that’s what he remembers" which now, it’s not really even about the damned turtle anymore.
With none of us having been there its all speculation anyway, but clearly we’re interpreting the situation differently. Either way, grude, please return the poor thing before it’s too late.