Okay, I kissed Betty Jablonski at the work Christmas party.
I shot J.R.! :eek:
When I opened that Christmas present 30 years ago, my surprise was an act. I already knew what I was getting.
For being a near 50 year old never married guy with no kids, I’ve got a surprising number of plushie stuffed toys and Barbie dolls in my house. I promise you, it’s less creepy than it sounds.
Secret, huh? Well, when I needed a 6 to 8 digit pin, I used my childhood phone number. But I don’t suppose it’s really a secret now, since I haven’t worked at that place in 15 years, so the account has probably been disabled. But it *was *a secret. Once.
And I’m his cool uncle.
My wife tells me I’ve been talking in my sleep lately. I’ve asked her to record it — if I’ve been recounting my adventures with Alexandra I’d better find out!
On a happier note, she said that last night I was … singing! 
Oh, you must mean Nancy! No, wait, that’s Betty Jo Bialowski.
Since I treat this place as my personal blog I could very well have told any of my secrets, but the way I write nobody figured it out.
You can’t talk in your sleep if you can’t sleep
You may remember her as Audrey Farber. 
Remember when a grounding in Firesign Theater was a pre-req here?
IT’S A TRAP!!!
Do not fall for this, Dopers! Trust me!
A “lap” is up and back, a “length” is just that, 1 length of the pool.
Oh Lord Jesus, Mr. Kowalski, what have you done?
I have corndog secrets. Oh, shit! Now I gotta worry about that, as well.
'preciate that Panache!
(:))
I harbor shameful secrets of jobs and pets and friends. I dare not tell. Hot slivers under fingernails, NO! Sulfuric acid on my eyelids, NO! 36 hours of Tramp speeches, NO! I can’t be coerced. No, I… oh, donuts…
Here’s one, Beck: I’m secretly (looks around furtively) an ADULT! 
I knew it. I knew there were adults on this board.
Yeah but please don’t tell anyone.
(looks around furtively)
I’m an atheist!! :eek:
Yeah, whatever you do don’t mention them in front of your endocrinologist. :eek: