I've s... in England and I 've s... in France....

Ok I am stll in the bathroom but at least I am away from bodily functions…
My favorite is:
I’ve shit in england and I’ve shit in france but before I’d shit here I’d shit in my pants.
For you well traveled people out there are these bathroom wall scriblings considered poems? limericks? sayings? And are they strictly an american thing or are they universal? How old do you suppose the one above is? I would really like to hear what the teeming millions favorite “little room” sayings are too.

Those bathroom wall writings are all crap.

For real poetry, go to a beatnik coffee house and learn to snap your fingers instead of clapping your hands like a monkey.

Quand les talons claquent, l’esprit se vide.
Maréchal Lyautey

ummm yeah well ok…

What’s with you and poo?

Oh, hell… I’ll answer this one.

My favourite piece of bathroom grafitto would have to be something I once saw scrawled in a university dormatory bathroom:

If you want to know what happens after you flush, check the cafeteria.

I saw one written above a urinal that said, “Don’t laugh at what’s written on these walls. The real joke is in your hand.”

-Jesus Saves
He passes to Mike Modano. THEY SCORE!!!

I’ve seen a slight variant on Arkan’s.

"Flush twice, the cafeteria is way over on the other side of campus.

My favorite is a more elaborate one. There was a series of arrows on the wall leading up onto the ceiling, trailing slightly to the side, and ending in the words:
“You are now peeing on your left shoe.”

(I wasn’t BTW)

“No! You can’t take my medicine, I need every brain cell blazing to outwit my invisible enemies!”

For some true Doper creativity, I direct you here:

Or for more potty humor:

“Some people are worried about the difference between right and wrong. I’m worried about the difference between wrong and fun.”
~P.J. O’Rourke~

One bathroom I was in had “FLUSH TWICE!” written on the door. Underneath were about twenty different phrases that rhymed: “Eat Rice!” “Blind Mice!” “No Spice!” etc.

My favourite, in a London pub:

“No matter how pretty she looks, some guy somewhere is tired of putting up with her crap”

I almost peed my shoes laughing over that one :slight_smile:


“You know how complex women are”

  • Neil Peart, Rush (1993)

For those with something against Texans:

“Here I sit, my buns a-flexin’
Giving birth to another Texan.”

A bar I used to go to put a blackboard in the bathroom, hoping that would solve the graffiti problem.

A few days later I walked in, and written on the wall was, “I see you got a blackboard”.

The following is found in a loo of Johns Hopkins (All non-Asians please read the following with a sense of humor!!!):
Why do the Asians get ALL the fianancial assisstanship?
(in a DIFFERENT handwriting): Because aid is not social welfare.

Ladies’ rooms don’t seem to be quite the hotbed of this form of literature as mens’ rooms are, but I’ve still seen some interesting ones. My favorite was the one that had three symbols juxtaposed: the peace symbol, the Atari logo, and the Mercedes-Benz logo. Underneath that was written “Subsidiaries of Pentex International, Inc.” Also, when I was in high school, I got involoved in an ongoing discussion on a bathroom wall not unlike this message board. I like this message board better, though. You don’t have to worry about anybody painting the wall.

“That’s entertainment!” —Vlad the Impaler

Here I sit all broken hearted
Tried to shit, but only farted.
Last time, I took a chance,
Thought I’d fart but shit my pants.

How dry I am, How wet I’ll be,
If I don’t find the bathroom key.
I found the key, now where’s the door?
Oh, never mind, I’ll use the floor.

There once was a man from Wheeling
Who did a great deal of dealing.
When he read on the door,
Don’t pee on the floor,
He jumped up and shit on ceiling.