If I hear the phrase “physiology of the foreskin” one more time… I swear… someone is going to pay.
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by BunnyGirl *
**
I don’t call because it wouldn’t fucking let me PEE, DAMNIT!
The check’s in the mail, along with my foreskin.
Remind me NOT to check my mail! 
Don’t check your mail.
Another too-good to miss excerpt from the collected wisdom of Jack Dean Tyler
So, since from the context of his threads, it’s obvious that Jack’s been cut (though he won’t admit it, and is trying to Tug-Ahoy himself back into “shape”), I wonder which of these categories he falls into – porno-holism, violent sex crimes against women and children, low self-esteem, systematic anti-social personality disorder, hyper-religionism, hype-governmentism or strife to occupy some other position of authority where they can abuse others. Some of these categories clearly describe our friend Jack, and others – I just don’t wanna know.
Esprix,
> OK, Jack, you’ve convinced me… that you’re loony-toons. Ergo and forthwith, should I ever become a parent to a son, I will have him circumcised - this is what your arguments have convinced me to do. Congratulations.<
Well, I was going to let your little flames go without comment. But, now, with this statement, I guess that I will go ahead and comment on you.
> Welcome to The Pit, Jack-off. In here we don’t have to hold back about you and your penile fixation. <
Oh, good. Since you try to set yourself up as some sort of expert, let's not hold back.
> I will, however, leave the flaming up to others (which is rather ironic, me being the Gay Guy and all). <
No, no, no. By all means, you go ahead and flame me. You're an expert aren't you? You've been flaming me anyway, right? The others that flame are all but open about what pitiful losers they are and I really wouldn't care to waste anytime with their flames. But, since you're an expert . . .
> Enjoy getting your ass roasted, you fuck-up! <
Let me tell everybody what Esprix's problem is. I love gay people, BTW.
In the gay man's culture, there is a very strict pecking order (much, much more strict than in any straight man's culture). Looks are of paramount importance in the gay culture. Looks are probably ten times as important as money, I would say. If you've got looks, you've got everything in the gay culture. I can just see Esprix now. A little pot belly (in the gay culture that would make him a "heffer"). Balding (death in the gay culture). And, definitely over the age of 23 which is old in the gay culture.
An old man of 70 actually stands an excellent chance of getting a gay babe under the age of 23 as long as the old man has money (Esprix doesn't have any money, though).
Gay clubs within a local area will segregate out in a major way. The happening club will be the one where all of the gay babes congregate. But, if Esprix tries to go in there, just watch how Esprix becomes the invisible man. If Esprix tries to talk to anyone, there won't be so much as a head turn from the gay babe. It's sad and so incredibly brutal, but that's the way it is.
Esprix is in essence an old maid within his culture and he is trying to prove that he is vibrant and meaningful (which he is, but he has a complex that makes him think that he has no meaning). So, Esprix sets himself up as an expert on this web site to prove that he is still a prime part of his culture. He is feigning that he wants to help. But, if he really wanted to help, he would not be opposing me and making my job harder.
Anyway, Esprix, you asked for my critique by setting yourself up as an expert. I get attacked because I have set myself up as an expert, too. So, we'll both just have to take our hits won't we?Oh, this is rich!
I believe I shall withhold comment until my esteemed colleagues from this board make their own remarks, as I no doubt will find them highly amusing. (I wonder if i ought call matt_mcl to my rescue? :D)
And, just to clarify, I’d recommend reading the OP’s in all three “ATGG” threads - I most assuredly do not set myself up to be an expert in anything.
Let the shredding begin… 
Esprix
Welcome to the Pit, you numb fuck. Hope you brought your flame-retardant Tug-Ahoy.
Take a page from your buddy Acksiom’s book and learn to at least present information that backs up your viewpoint, as opposed to spewing your ridiculous vitriol in a forum normally used for sane discussions.
You are the most phlegm-based, sputum-filled, ignorant mass of quivering life with whom I have ever had the misfortune to interact. And I’ve met David Duke.
May your circumcised, crooked, three-inch penis always become erect at the thought of a naked Roseanne Barr.
laughing hysterically
Oh my…that post to Esprix was hilarious. Best damn laugh I’ve had all day.
And since we’re in the Pit, I’ll echo Sauron. JDT, you are the most hateful, stupid, dumbassed, dogmatic fuckoff I’ve ever met. And I’ve met Pat Buchanan.
Fuck off and die, won’t you? Thank you kindly.
Wheeehooo! You can’t get entainment like this for any amount of money!
'spree, I never knew you were over 23 with a pot belly. Hell, now I’m thinking of changing my orientation! Me-Yow, big guy!
Jack, what is your motivation here? Are you such a nice guy that when you noticed we try to fight ignorance you figured you make it easy for us amd come here so we didn’t have to find you? Do you have a life except for suing your city and obsessing about penises? Do you really expect us to be swayed by your, logic-challenged, knowledge-impaired, common-sense-lacking, misandris drivel? Actually, I think you’re in the wrong place. There are a couple of biker bars in LA that I know of. I was mentioning you to the regulars, and they are EAGER to have you come explain to them how they don’t know how to have sex. They’d LOVE to have you correct them, and show them the way. Let me know and I’ll give you the address.
I remember that another famous poster here used to pride himself on just this sort of “reading.”
And again, JDT certainley (thinks that he) knows an awful lot about the “Gay Culture” :rolleyes:
I’m beginning to think that all the posters who are saying he is himself a repressed homsexual are correct.
Esprix! Darling!
(my 19-year-old self comes running up to the gorgeous, bones-jumpable apparition, whom I immediately smother with a great big kiss)
How are you doing, you gorgeous hump-fest love monkey?
And what is that peculiar noise?
Oh.
Jack Dean Tyler, or whatever your name is: your dogmatic, risible twit-assed self can suck my uncut cock. I don’t need a spokesbeing like you.
Awoo-gah!! Awoo-gah!! We have lost containment! Repeat - we have lost containment!! The infection is spreading! This is not a drill! All sane dopers please report immediately to MPSIMS. Bottled water and spam have been stored there so that we may hunker down and wait for the disease to pass us by.
Band name!
Somehow I just knew Falcon and my beloved matt would come to my rescue, as they both have unabashed crushes on me. Thanks, too, to weirddave. JDeMobray, what other poster are you thinking of? Not ringing any bells with me. And Smeghead, you just crack me up. (Good call, too, tiggeril!)
{ahem} Now then… {cracks knuckles}
Ah, I see the only way to get your attention is to touch on your much-beloved topic of circumcision.
Once again, I don’t believe I’ve ever set myself up as an expert - if you read the original posts of all of the “ATGG” threads, I specifically state that I am not an expert, but just a person with experience and knowledge. I also come up with cites that are relevant and trustworthy, which is a skill you still need to acquire.
No more an expert than you are on penises, dear boy. I wonder if, while you’re being the bottom that we all truly know you are, if you writhe and squirm, or if your leather-clad top man tells you to shut up and does you good. Of course, no doubt he takes his large, uncut mantool and manages to shut you up in other ways. I can only imagine that your advice of “don’t listen to the woman” comes from the fact that your tops never listen to you.
Yes, we can all feel the love, you jackass…
Sure looks are important in the gay community. {Gasp!} Could it be that our dear Jackass got something nominally right? Well, a hundred monkeys with typewriters and all that… Looks are more important to some than to others - making blanket statements about the gay community is as erroneous as, oh, I don’t know, saying that all cut men are bad in bed, for example.
I will try so very hard to contain my bouts of hysterical laughter at you - what a nimrod.
I’ll admit that age is starting to catch up with me, but I’d hardly consider a 33" waist on a 5’10" man a “pot belly.”
Nope - full head of hair, just like my grandfather.
Well, you got one right - I’m just turned 32. Funny, though - the 19 year old boy I’ve been seeing lately doesn’t seem to mind. And the boyfriend I had before that of a year and a half, who was 28 and oh-so-sexy didn’t seem to mind, either. Oh, and the three college freshmen I hooked up with in San Diego when I turned 30 didn’t seem to mind, either. So, yes, you got my age right, but your views of what is and isn’t acceptable in the gay community seems to be, as usual, way wicked off base.
Hmmm, in the beginning of your post you said that, “Looks are probably ten times as important as money.” Now you’re saying that an ugly rich man can get a “gay babe.” You are such a fuck-up.
Really? Last time I checked I had plenty in the bank and an extremely well-paying job - more than enough to keep me in a pleasant lifestyle.
Well, let’s see - the last time I went out to a club I got three phone numbers, the owners of whom ranged from 22 to 32. I danced with my friends and had a blast. I met new people, all of whom were quite friendly. Not quite the social pariah you would have me be, I’m afraid.
Esprix is, in essence, indeed a vibrant and meaningful person who has none of the complexes of which you speak. He is happy, healthy, well-sexed, looking forward to a life change and relocation, loves his family and is accepted by his peers as intelligent, reasonable and forthright, not feeling the need to prove anything as his actions, long-revered on this board and in real life, say volumes more than anything he could say in his own defense.
Actually, I didn’t.
If this is your idea of a “hit,” I’m unimpressed. You’re off the mark, over the top, and coming up short (to coin a phrase).
Oh, and just so there’s no confusion, I’d like to point you to The Straight Dope People Pages, whereon you can find a picture of me - you’ll note I’m none of the things you claim I am.
Thanks to all who know me better.
Oh, and Jack, one last thing - why is it that you’re so quick to make snap judgments of others, including making WAG’s about their lives and how they live them, when you haven’t told us anything about yourself? Not that it would garner you any more credence, but I think we can now safely add “hypocrite” to your list of failures.
Esprix
OK, I’ve been following this thread, and I gotta chime in at this point.
First of all, what the hell is “the gay culture”? Gay folks are just like straight folk in that different guys have different standards of beauty. In the bear subgroup, being over 40, with a beard and a gut, are major turn-ons. Some men like older guys, some like younger. Some have a yen for muscles, some dig overweight guys. Some like cut guys, others enjoy playing with the uncut. So your assholish ideas of “looks are of paramount importance in the gay culture” are a load of horse manure because everybody is sexy to somebody else.
In addition, there are some gay men who also value character, loyalty, education, and intelligence. Amazing, huh? Sheesh!
Second, if you had bothered to look at Esprix’s picture in the People Pages, you would see that he is quite the handsome fellow, not to mention his wit, good humor, and charm. Since you’re about as dumb as dirt with the charm of of a flatulent warthog, I’ll bet you have a face to match–fat, zit-ridden, with greasy, unwashed hair–so your insults, I’ll bet, are a projection of the self-loathing you must feel each time you look in a mirror.
I wonder if you have a hearing problem, since sound can’t travel through the vacuum in your skull.
Anyway, go back under your bridge, and I hope the Three Billy Goats Gruff kick you in the ass. You’ll have to designate a target, of course, because from my perspective, you look like all ass to me.
'Spree, you said:
Damn you! now I’m jealous!
Oh, and goboy? I’ve been to JST’s homepage, and he is, in my (heterosexual) opinion, not bad looking. What a waste.
Well, this het chick doesn’t think JDT is attractive, but that’s me…
And Esprix? Of COURSE I have a crush on you, darling! I’m just quiet about it so matt_mcl doesn’t come beat me up!
Yes, weirddave, single life is treating me, as it always does, very very well - no complaints. Sorry to hear it’s not going as well for you…
And Falcon, my babe, if it weren’t for my undying, unquestioning love for matt, well… who knows?
Esprix
Falcon, darling, you know I’m an advocate of open relationships, right? Much as I adore Esprix, there’s no reason the two of us can’t, um, share.