Although this could easily become a Pit-worthy topic, I’m putting it here because I’m not really sure who belongs in the Pit–Jackass or the kids who try to imitate it.
And I’m not really looking for a debate on the issue; I just want to share a little story.
Last night I popped the dogs in the car for a little Summer Evening Ride and went to pick up a pizza for dinner.
I pulled into the parking lot of the pizza joint, and discovered my path obstructed by three teenage boys, who were walking through the parking lot . . .
. . . and would not move out of my way.
Finally, two of them did step aside, but one remained, and continued to stroll slowly and casually Right. In front of. My car.
Little fcker*, I thought, but in the grand scheme of things, I feel far more homicidal when someone steals my parking spot, so on the annoyance scale (1-10), I’d say this incident rated a 4. I continued to drive behind him (meanwhile his two friends stood to the side and called, “Hit him! Just hit him!”, and the dogs were barking wildly) until I came to the first available parking space, and swung into it.
As I parked and shut off the car, the boys approached.
“Can I ask you a question?” said Mr. Little F*cker.
“What’s that?” I asked, opening the car door.
“Will those dogs attack people?” was his query.
“I don’t know,” I lied.* “Are you looking to find out?”
“YES!!!” replied all three boys enthusiastically.
“He really wants to be attacked by a dog,” continued one of the boys, pointing at Little F*cker.
Little F*cker nodded.
I exited the car.
“Um, OK, why do you want to be attacked by a dog . . . ?” I wondered, looking quizzically at Little F*cker.
“We’re making a Jackass movie!” he replied happily, pointing at his buddy, who held up a video camera. “I’ve already gotten my ass kicked by the Maggie Moo’s** Cow, and I’ve been set on fire!!!”
Now he was grinning from ear to ear.
Meanwhile, Video Camera Friend was eyeing my (large) dogs, who continued to bark, through the back window of my car.
“I dunno, Dude,” said VCF, shaking his head and eyeing CornPone (the Sweetest Dog Ever). “That dog looks like he [sic] could kill you.” Then, turning to me, he asked, “What kind of dogs are those?”
Conversation about the dogs ensued, yadda yadda . . . they seemed like nice enough boys, if a little short on brain cells.
Long story short, I told them that my dogs would not be participating in their movie, and went to get my pizza.
I didn’t really offer any editorial commentary on their little movie project, but what the hell . . . ? Whatever happened to Nintendo in the basement and making out in the car? Whatever happened to skinny dipping? Whatever happened to homemade “La Isla Bonita” videos???
Wow. I’m officially an old fart now.
- The truth is that while I am firmly in the “You Just Never Know” camp when it comes to whether or not a dog will bite/attack (hence I believe one should always take appropriate precautions unless the dog is comatose and devoid of legs and teeth), my best guess is a strong “NO” for one of my girls (who is the Sweetest Dog Ever ™, and a “Maybe, but I doubt it” for the other (she can be a bit of a loose cannon, but she’s also kind of a chicken shit).
** Maggie Moo’s: an ice cream joint next to the pizza joint.